Who said, "I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me"?

Stew	Winnie the Pooh. It's how he introduces himself. May 10 03, 9:07 PM

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Who said 'I am a bear of very little brain and long words bother me?' Who said "I am a doughnut"? It is 1800 and I am Napoleon's chef. As is his custom during a battle the Emperor has eaten nothing. Now that he has triumphed however, he has commanded me to prepare a meal for him. The difficulty is that we have advanced a long way in front of the supply wagons. Men I dispatch in search of provisions return with three eggs, four tomatoes, six crayfish, a small hen, a little garlic, some oil and a saucepan. From these ingredients I create a dish which moves my master to say, "You must prepare this dish for me after every battle." Who am I, and what is the name of the dish? Who said "I am a life-enhancing pessimist"? Who said 'I am quite wise, I understand people.'?

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