What does a 500 lb. canary say?|
"Here kitty, kitty!"
Reply #1601. Feb 25 13, 3:15 PM
A college student noticed that her elderly professor kept three pair of glasses with him, so one day after class,she asked why?|
" Oh,yes, that," he replied. I have one pair for long sight, one pair for short sight and the last pair to look for the other two.
Reply #1602. Feb 25 13, 3:41 PM
Win Ethup who?
(figure it out)
Reply #1603. Feb 27 13, 1:09 AM
What's the difference between a northern zoo and a southern zoo.|
The northern zoo has a sign with the description of the animal.
The southern zoo has sign with a description of the animal...and a recipe!
Reply #1604. Feb 27 13, 7:02 PM
Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?' |
'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'
'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'
'Is he a member of your congregation?'
'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'
Reply #1605. Feb 28 13, 10:06 PM
Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' |
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
Reply #1606. Feb 28 13, 10:10 PM
Following Sunday morning service, a Christian Science woman approaches the First Reader and says, "Reader, my husband is very sick."|
The Reader replies, "No, madam, your husband 'thinks' he is very sick." The woman thanks him and leaves with these words of wisdom.
After service the following Sunday, the First Reader approaches the woman and asks, "And how is your husband now, madam?" The woman considers for a moment and replies, "Reader, my husband 'thinks' he is dead."
(Following to the above, it is said that Christian Scientists are the only people to be ashamed to die.)
Reply #1607. Mar 01 13, 5:57 AM
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." "There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"|
Reply #1608. Mar 13 13, 11:36 AM
A man takes up zoology for a side career. In his first term exam paper, the legs of various birds are given and he is asked to name them. The man gets frustrated, goes to the examiner, and says that he cannot do it. The examiner asks his name. The man removes his shoes and says : You find out !|
Reply #1609. Apr 06 13, 4:12 AM
Three people, two men and one woman, are taking their last test to become FBI agents. |
The man in charge tells them they must go into another room and shoot their respective wives and husband to show they can handle anything and to show their loyalty and dedication to the FBI.
The first man goes in and a few seconds later comes out crying, saying he couldn’t do it.
The second man goes in. A minute later he comes out crying, saying he couldn’t do it.
The woman goes into the room. Minutes pass as several gunshots are heard, screams and thrashing ensue. The woman leaves the room panting, saying, “Well, those bullets were just blanks so I had to beat him to death with a chair!”
Reply #1610. Apr 06 13, 9:04 AM
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