L_A_Best 
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Okay here's mine.
Sam the private eye was giving his attractive client feedback on the task she had hired him to perform.
"Well I trailed your husband into 4 bars, a night club and then a bachelor's apartment."
"Aha" exclaimed the wife. "please go on, what was he doing."
"Well lady." Sam replied a bit embarrassed. "As far as I could tell he was following you."
Reply #1. Jul 06 07, 6:46 AM
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nadrak
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Here we go then:
How many sound engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
"ONE, ONE - TWO, ONE, ONE - TWO."
Reply #2. Jul 06 07, 9:04 AM
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deadlydalton
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Two gardeners arguing about the name of a bush one day,and it's been a pretty heated debate,then one just loses the plot and shouts at the other one "YOU DON'T KNOW YOUR ASH FROM YOUR ELDER.
Reply #3. Jul 06 07, 9:16 AM
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honeybee4
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Question- If H20 is on the inside of a fire hydrant, what is on the outside"? Answer- K9P
Reply #4. Jul 06 07, 9:27 AM
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nadrak
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In the same vein:
How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb?
3 - One to hold the giraffe and two to fill the bath with brightly colured power tools.
And one for any fellow drummers out there:
What is the difference between a drummer and a pasty?
A pasty is only half vegetable.
Reply #5. Jul 06 07, 9:46 AM
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L_A_Best
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This one was in my local paper so I thought I'd share it.
A guy in Paris broke into the Louvre, made his way past security and stole several paintings. He then made his way out the museum and into his waiting van. However a block from the museum the police caught and arrested him as he sat in his van which had run out of gas. When the police questioned him as to why he was able to steal the paintings but forgot to fill the vans gas tank the man replied. "I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."
Reply #6. Jul 06 07, 10:43 AM
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| temujin2020
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Renee Descartes, the great philosopher & mathematician was
strolling with his student Queen Christina of Sweden when
she asked Descartes if he'd like to go to the Opera.
Being a very rational fellow he had about as much desire to go to the opera as he would the dentist. So he promptly
answered: "I think not." And he promptly disappeared.
Reply #7. Jul 06 07, 11:23 AM
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mitch1313
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Here's one I've read (it's not in the exact same words; I'm reciting it from memory):
A man goes to visit his grandfather at his cottage. At dinner time, the grandfather serves marinated steaks. The grandson notices some old baked-on food on the plate and asks if the plates were washed. The grandfather says "Their as clean as cold water can get them." The next evening at dinner time the grandson sees there is some of the sauce used to marinate the steaks on the plate. He asks his grandfather if he washed the plates and he says "There as clean as cold water can get them; I don't want to hear about it anymore." The next day, the grandson is about to leave for the store, but his grandfather's dog is sitting in front of the door, growling. The dog doesn't budge so the grandson calls out "Grandfather, can you call your dog? He won't let me leave." Not budging from his seat, the grandfather yells "COLDWATER, GO LIE DOWN!"
Reply #8. Jul 07 07, 1:23 PM
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mitch1313
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Sorry about the grammar mistakes, lol. :-)
Reply #9. Jul 07 07, 1:25 PM
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deadlydalton
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Whats the difference between a Poodle peeing against your leg, and a Rottweiller peeing against your leg?
You let the Rottweiller finish!
Reply #10. Jul 07 07, 3:05 PM
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deadlydalton
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Whats green ,has eight legs and would kill you if it fell from a tree and landed on you?
A snooker table.
Reply #11. Jul 07 07, 6:48 PM
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| jackie3503
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what animal has more that one wife?
a cheetah hahaha
a mushroom walked into the bar and ordered a drink..the bartender denies the mushroom the drink and the mushroom goes WHY IM A FUNGI hahahah
Reply #12. Jul 08 07, 12:06 AM
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April
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OK - one for the girls:
Three men walked into a bar...............
You would have thought one of them would have seen it!
Reply #13. Jul 08 07, 4:27 AM
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April
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And in the same vein:
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says....
"Why the long face?"
Reply #14. Jul 08 07, 4:28 AM
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benniebenbenny
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What's a grecian urn?
Answer: About 20 euros per day.
Reply #15. Jul 08 07, 5:05 AM
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nadrak
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A brain and three spark plugs walk into a bar. The first spark plug goes to order the drinks.
"I'm sorry, I'm not serving you". says the barman.
So, the second spark plug has a try.
"I'm not serving you. either." says the barman.
The brain tells the others to leave it to him and goes up to the bar.
"Look," says the barman, "I've told your mates and I'm telling you, I'm not serving you and I want you all to leave!"
"Why?" asks the brain.
The barman replies, "Because you're out of your head and those three look like they're going to start something!"
April, when I heard that, it was three blondes walk into a bar!
Reply #16. Jul 08 07, 7:22 AM
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deadlydalton
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A penguin walks into the pub and asks the barman
"has my dad been in?"
The barman replies "dont know son,whats he look like?".
Reply #17. Jul 08 07, 7:34 AM
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L_A_Best
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Three pink elephants walk into a bar. The barman looks up points to the guy in the corner and says. "you boys are early he's only on his third beer."
Reply #18. Jul 08 07, 8:23 AM
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| temujin2020
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Why did Santa Singh Santa bring a ladder to the wedding reception ?
He heard that the drinks were on the house. ;-)
Poor befuddled S.S.S. is the butt of many jokes in the subcontinent. I think he's a distant cousin of mine.
Reply #19. Jul 08 07, 1:31 PM
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deadlydalton
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What do you call a Hungarian policeman with 14 balaclavas on his head?
Anything you want,he wont hear you.
Reply #20. Jul 08 07, 2:12 PM
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