So she made an Exodus? :))
Reply #1161. Jun 16 11, 4:21 AM
My wife packed her bags and left me last night claiming i love my football more than her,which is a shame really as we`ve been together for 19 seasons. :)
Reply #1162. Jun 16 11, 8:23 PM
Why does the ocean roar???
You would to if you had crabs on your bottom!!
Reply #1163. Jul 07 11, 12:41 PM
What did the coroner find when he did the autopsy on Jeffrey Dahmer? Answer: Jimmy Hoffa!|
Reply #1164. Jul 07 11, 4:52 PM
A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.|
"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"
Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."
The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"
The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.
"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"
The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"
they have plenty of other funny jokes!
Reply #1165. Jul 08 11, 4:07 PM
Haha, this one is funny:D|
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."
Reply #1166. Jul 10 11, 5:23 PM
OK, here's a silly one:|
Why do blind people hate skydiving?
It scares the dog!
(Please, no posts about this being insensitive - a blind person is who I got this joke from!!)
Reply #1167. Jul 14 11, 11:47 PM
Kudos to you Trivia-ites who remember such fine jokes! Really made me smile.|
Rene Descartes is sitting at a bar and the bartender comes over and asks if he would like a drink.
Descartes replies, "I think not," and disappears.
Reply #1168. Jul 17 11, 10:17 AM
The economy is now so bad that a picture is only worth 200 words.|
Reply #1169. Jul 18 11, 6:14 AM
This isn't a joke, just something to think about.|
If you have a boat and you replace a part on it, it's still the same boat. Right? Then, if you replace another part, it's still the same boat. Right? Now, what if you replace every part on the boat with a new part? Is it still the same boat? And what if you took all the parts you took off the original boat and built a new one? Which boat is the original one? Hmmm.
Reply #1170. Jul 19 11, 1:01 PM
INSTALLING SUMMER..... ----------------------------- Instalation progress: 44% Instalation failed. Error 404: season not found. The season you are looking for might have been deleted, renamed or is temporarily unavailable. Try again later.|
Reply #1172. Jul 23 11, 4:08 PM
A man from Idaho traveled to Auburn, Alabama on business. He walked into a local bar, and asked for a beer. Looking around, he saw about a dozen rough-looking men staring at his Boise State hat.|
"You ain't from around here, are you, stranger?" asked the bartender.
"No, answered the man, "I'm from Idaho."
"And just what is it you do up in Idaho, Yankee?" asked the bartender. The stranger noticed that the bar's patrons were giving him dirty looks and mumbling to each other.
"I'm a taxidermist."
The bartender looked confused. "Well, now, just what is a tax-ee-dermist?"
"I mount dead animals," answered the stranger.
The bartender's face broke into a big smile. "Leave him alone, boys," he announced to the other customers. "He's one of us!"
Reply #1173. Aug 07 11, 10:34 AM
here comes a bad one .............................|
who thought it was bad is vrong...............
im thirteen and a half and i dont get the spelling of wrong right
Reply #1174. Aug 20 11, 7:04 AM
AND THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED....|
One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas
The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
Reply #1175. Aug 21 11, 6:26 PM
When does the chicken peep for the last time?|
At the checkout in Tesco.
Reply #1176. Aug 21 11, 6:44 PM
This was voted the funniest joke at this years Edinburgh Festival:|
"I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."
Reply #1177. Aug 25 11, 11:13 PM
one old lady asked of another: "What's the best form of birth control after the age of 50."|
the other old lady replied: "Nudity."
Reply #1178. Aug 26 11, 12:05 AM
AND THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And that's how the fight started.....
Reply #1179. Aug 26 11, 12:24 PM
WILLIE NELSON'S P*NIS JOKE (HE IS 75 YEARS OLD)|
My n*okie days are over
My pilot light is out
What used to be my s*x appeal
Is now my water spout
Time was when on its own accord
From my trousers it would spring
But now I've got a full time job
To find the fre*king thing
It used to be embarrassing
The way it would behave
For every single morning
It would stand and watch me shave
Now as old age approaches
It sure gives me the blues
To see it hang its little head
And watch me tie my shoes
Reply #1180. Aug 28 11, 11:19 AM
Legal / Conditions of Use