Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?|
Q. Where do polar bears vote?
A. The North Poll
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
Q. What dog keeps the best time?
A. A watch dog.
Reply #21. Jul 08 07, 6:13 PM
What do you call a man with a spade in his head?|
Doug (get it - dug!)
Reply #22. Jul 09 07, 9:26 AM
So what do you call a man without a spade in his head?|
yes - you got it.....
Reply #23. Jul 09 07, 9:27 AM
Blood Circulation |
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, boys, if I stood on my head the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I should turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the boys said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
Little Johnny shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty."
Reply #24. Jul 09 07, 9:35 AM
What do you call a man with a family of rabbits on his head?|
Reply #25. Jul 09 07, 9:38 AM
A young man comes home and says "Dad, just got my driver's license and would like to use the family car." |
Father replies, "O.K., son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make sure the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we'll see."
Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. "Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I've been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?"
Father replies, "That's all true, but son you didn't cut your hair."
Son says, "But, dad, Jesus had long hair."
Father replies, "Yes, son, you're perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went."
Reply #26. Jul 09 07, 9:50 AM
Three bodies arrive at the mortuary all with smiles on their faces. Giving the cause of the death the coroner says. "1st body, 66 year old male, died in the arms of a beautiful women hence the smile. Body 2 is that of a 40 year old male who won the lottery, spent all his money on whiskey and died from alcohol poisoning hence the smile. 3rd body is a 25 year old blonde female struck by lightning." the assistant looks up from his notes and asks. "but why does she have a smile on her face?" the coroner replies. "she thought she was having her picture taken."|
Reply #27. Jul 09 07, 9:58 AM
Little Red Riding Hood, is walking through the forest to go and see Granma,when she hears a rustling noise in the bushhes.Startled Little Red Riding Hood calls out "who's there? who's there?.|
Theres no reply,so getting afraid she starts to run towards Granma's house,500yards later the same thing happens,a movement and rustling in the bushes.Again ,she calls out,who's there? who's there?
Theres no reply,so now she's terriffied and starts sprinting through the forest towards Granma's house,500yards later the same thing happens,a movement and rustling in the bushes.Again Little Red Riding Hood calls out ,who's there?who's there?.
The Big Bad Wolf shouts out "look Miss can I not get a cr*p in peace?".
muhammad_117 that was a funny one.
Reply #28. Jul 09 07, 12:42 PM
The discovery that Bush's heart rate is 43 has led some observers to speculate that this is the first time we've had a president with a heart rate that matches his I Q.|
Reply #29. Jul 09 07, 8:17 PM
Q). What is the best thing that Bush can do for the country right now? A). Go on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.|
Reply #30. Jul 09 07, 8:39 PM
Q) What do you call a sociopath from a rich family? A) Mr. President|
Reply #31. Jul 09 07, 8:59 PM
Hahahahaha! That would be my wish, Honeybee! :0|
Reply #32. Jul 09 07, 9:00 PM
In the UK what is the worst punishment you can recieve for bigamy?|
Getting TWO Mother-in-Laws.
Reply #33. Jul 09 07, 9:40 PM
When a reporter asked Bush what he thought about his first 100 days in office, Bush replied "Has it been a year already?"|
Reply #34. Jul 10 07, 3:05 PM
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?|
Anyone can roast beef.
What's the definition of mixed emotions?
When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck
Reply #35. Jul 10 07, 3:49 PM
An English professor wrote the words:|
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
All the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful!~!
Reply #36. Jul 10 07, 4:01 PM
Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. |
They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering.
Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will
run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."
So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.
They e-mailed with attachments.
They did spreadsheets!
They wrote reports.
They created labels and cards.
They created charts and graphs.
They did some genealogy reports.
They did every job known to man.
Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was fast.
Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed in the sky, thunder
rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.
Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld.
Jesus just sighed.
Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers.
Satan started searching frantically, screaming: "It's gone! It's all GONE! "I lost everything
when the power went out!"
Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all his files from the past two hours of work.
Satan observed this and became irate. "Wait!" he screamed. "That's not fair! He cheated!
How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"
God just shrugged and said,
Reply #37. Jul 10 07, 4:40 PM
Who invented copper wire?|
It was a Jewish guy and a Scottish guy arguing over a penny.
Reply #38. Jul 16 07, 8:23 PM
What do you call a man with a seagull on his head?|
Reply #39. Jul 17 07, 5:44 PM
What about the vet who was out of his head on drugs,he crossed a hare with a rabbit|
and developed a HABIT.
Reply #40. Jul 17 07, 5:53 PM
Legal / Conditions of Use