Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resource person asked a young Engineer right ouy of MIT "And what starting salary were you looking at?"|
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said,"Well,what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental,company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say a red corvette?"
The engineer sat straight up and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
The interviewer replied "Yes, but you started it"
Reply #201. Feb 06 08, 1:28 PM
chapter 1: If our life just stunk, shouldn't our lives be like our modern technology?|
1. If we didn't know how to spell, couldn't we just go to microsoft word and click 'spell check'?
2. If we messed up, couldn't we hit 'backspace'?
3. If we would love to talk to our loved ones up above, can't we just get our cell phones and hit speed dial #4?
4. If there wasn't any planes or cars, just hit the arrow keys to keep you movin'.
5. Too tired? Hit the power button!
chapter 2:Now, here is a line that we don't have to pay!
1. If we went broke, and we needed gas for our car, use play money ( $6.00 to be exact ), go to del taco, feed the beast in you, and fart, fart, fart, and fart like you've never farted before! ( in your car )
chapter 3:tv for you
1. so you think you can drink?
2. american buddah
3. the chimpsons...
4. survivor: surviving with 19 jonny fairplays
5. deal or deal?
6. family woman
8. my name is earl and i live with my mom
9. gays of our lives
10. paid programming ( whoo hoo! )
chapter 4: the internet
2. yahoo!.com what was that for? you stuck a needle in my butox!
chapter 5: the videogame section
1. super smash brothers bra (for the nintendo pee)
2. mario kart pee ( for the nintendo pee )
3. N.O. F.E.A.R ( for the PeeS3)
thanks for laughing!
a fuddu ( i mean funny ( or not )) post from,
Reply #202. Apr 13 08, 7:43 PM
an asian man comes and moves to america, and he doesn't know how to speak english. so when he goes to eat at burger king, he sits down and waits for his order.|
so then he hears this dumb, guilty kid who just screams out,
"I did it! I did it!"
then he overhears an employee say, " forks and knives, forks and knives."
he then finishes eating and then goes home to watch hannah montana. when the commercial break comes on, an ad says,
"plug it in, plug it in!"
so then he goes out for his morning jog, then he sees a screaming woman running down the street. she says to the asian, " did you hear about the murder? "
there is silence. so then the lady says," well, i'm just saying, it was my daughter who was the victim, and since you live down the block, you should have seen it?"
silence again. then the lady says, " so do you know who did it?" then the asian had a flashback. everything he heard thought was a good thing to this topic, since he doesn't know english. he then quickly responds,
"I did it! I did it!" the lady gasps. she then answers, " omigosh! you did it? well, if you did it what did you do?"
the asian responds, "forks and knives, forks and knives." the lady gasps again. then the lady says,
"well, i'm going to strap you to an electric chair!"
the asian replies, "plug it in, plug it in!"
Reply #203. Apr 14 08, 8:16 PM
ello moto! darr nar nar nar... nar nar! "Can't touch this." darr nar nar nar... nar nar! "Can't touch dis." darr nar nar nar... nar nar! "Break it down!|
"CAn't Touch Piss" by someone.
Reply #204. Apr 16 08, 8:47 PM
Psychiatrist to chicken: "Why do YOU think you cross the road?"
Reply #205. Apr 16 08, 8:59 PM
on my last joke, notice the last line. look at all capitalized letters and write them down on a piece of paper. then say out loud the first three letters, then the last letter. you will then get the answer. :)|
Reply #206. Apr 16 08, 10:01 PM
How many ears has Star Trek's Mr Spock?|
3..a left ear, a right ear and a final frontier
Reply #207. Apr 17 08, 4:56 AM
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.|
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.
Reply #208. Apr 17 08, 1:43 PM
A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful, elderly poodle named |
Cuddles along for company.
One day Cuddles starts chasing butterflies, and before long, discovers he's lost. Wandering about,
he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.
The old poodle thinks, 'Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!' Noticing some bones on the ground close by,
he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.
Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, 'Boy, that was one delicious
leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?'
Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he
slinks away into the trees. 'Whew!', says the leopard, 'That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!'
Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this
knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle
sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.
The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.
The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, 'Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's
going to happen to that conniving canine!
Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, 'What am I going to do now?',
but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just
when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...
'Where's that damn monkey?
I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!
Moral of this story....
Don't mess with old farts... age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Bull "sh.." and brilliance only come with age and experience.
Reply #209. Apr 18 08, 6:31 AM
An aeroplane with 5 passengers on board is in trouble, with only 4 parachutes.|
First passenger Ronaldo says "I am the greatest football player alive today. The football world needs me, I cannot die and let my fans down"
He grabs the first parachute and jumps out the plane.
Second passenger Hilary Clinton says "I am the wife of the former president Bill, I am senator for New York, I'm in with a chance of becoming president soon, I can't let my country down"
She grabs a parachute and jumps out the plane.
The third passenger George W Bush says "I am the president of the United States, the most powerful man on the planet, besides, I am the smartest president ever in the history of America, I cannot shun my resposibilities to my countrymen by dying.
He to, grabs a pack and jumps out the plane.
The fourth passenger, the pope says to the fifth passenger, a schoolboy, "I am old. I have lived my life
as a good person, as a priest should, and I shall leave the last parachute to you young man."
The schoolboy replies, "Don't fret old man, there is a parachute left for each of us. The smartest president ever took my school bag."
Reply #210. Apr 21 08, 2:44 AM
Ok, this was my little girls all time favorite joke, she made this one up when she was about three years old. Goes somethin' like this,|
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead!
She's almost nine now and that joke is history.
Ahh the good old days.
Reply #211. Apr 23 08, 9:00 AM
Me stupid now let me in!
My freind just told me that joke over an text. It's stupid but hey, sometimes stupid is funny.
Reply #212. Apr 23 08, 3:42 PM
My aunt had a dog who didn't have any legs. Every morning she took him for a slide.|
Reply #214. May 03 08, 2:56 AM
Woman to psychiatrist: Doctor, my husband thinks he's a chicken.|
Psychiatrist: Then why didn't you have him committed?
Woman: Because we needed the eggs...(drum roll!).
Reply #215. May 03 08, 5:32 AM
dj, I've seen those before - they are from my GCE maths paper!|
Reply #216. May 03 08, 12:56 PM
Lol you made them? WOW! What's GCE?|
Reply #217. May 03 08, 3:04 PM
General Certificate of Education (nowadays GCSE, General Certificate of Secondary Education). Taken at the end of school year 11 at the age of 16. I was, and still am, hopeless at maths.:)|
Reply #218. May 03 08, 3:29 PM
Lol xD Oh I thought you really made them.. xD|
Reply #219. May 03 08, 9:37 PM
What would you call a coffee shop in prehistoric times?|
Reply #220. May 10 08, 1:37 PM
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