howdyitsme 
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k the spanking one is hilarious!
Reply #801. Mar 23 10, 7:29 PM
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howdyitsme
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I told nearly everyone I know the spanking joke and without fail it gets at the very least a huge chuckle and usually a horse laugh!
Reply #802. Mar 25 10, 5:21 PM
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| notaratface
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Celine Dion needs an onion to complete her fruits and vegetables collection. I have an onion that may be for sale. Celine Dion knocks at my door:
-Knock! Knock!
-"Who's there?"
-"Celine Dion(ion)?"...
Reply #803. Mar 26 10, 12:55 PM
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krazykritik
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I have a cousin. His name is Bob. He works at Loblaw's.
So I just call him "BobLoblaw". (say it 3 times fast)
What do you call a dog that has no legs?
Does it really matter? It's not going to come to you anyway.
Reply #804. Mar 29 10, 5:52 AM
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| hansdelbruk
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A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”
“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”
Reply #806. Apr 07 10, 9:05 AM
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haku4u
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did you hear the joke about the roof?
nevermind, it's over your head
Reply #807. Apr 08 10, 7:06 PM
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haku4u
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If raising a child was going to be easy, then why do they call the childbirth, "Labor"!
Reply #808. Apr 08 10, 7:07 PM
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haku4u
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Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Then it would be a foot!
Reply #809. Apr 08 10, 7:07 PM
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redwaldo
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Why can't we catch the world's most wanted terrorist?
Osama's bin Hidin'
Reply #810. Apr 08 10, 7:13 PM
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jolana
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What´s the difference between the outlaws and in-laws?
The outlaws are wanted.
Reply #811. Apr 10 10, 2:44 PM
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| ProudgIrL
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Titanic was sinking.
Santa: How much the earth is far from here?
Banta: 1 kilo meter.
Santa jumped into the sea and asked again: "...In which direction?"
Banta: Downwards !
Reply #812. Apr 11 10, 4:01 AM
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| ProudgIrL
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Santa: I am so miser that I went alone for my honeymoon and saved half the money.
Bania: That is nothing, I saved full money. I sent my wife for honeymoon with a friend.
Reply #813. Apr 11 10, 4:02 AM
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| ProudgIrL
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Santa: So, you are distantly related to the family next door, are you?
Banta: Yes, their dog is our dog's brother.
Reply #814. Apr 11 10, 4:02 AM
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| ProudgIrL
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Santa has to sell his dog. Banta wants to buy it.
Banta: Is this dog faithful ?
Santa: Yes, I have sold it 3 times earlier also. It is so faithful, everytime it returned back to me.
Reply #815. Apr 11 10, 4:03 AM
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| ProudgIrL
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Santa: Doctor, I don't remember anything, sometimes on road I even forget if I am going to office from home or going back to home from office.
Psychiatrist: In such a condition, you should check your tiffin. If it is empty then you are going to home, if it is full, you are going to office.
Reply #816. Apr 11 10, 4:06 AM
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Kaye19
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Ad in dogs for sale column: For sale - small terrier - neutered- like one of the family.
Reply #817. Apr 11 10, 3:47 PM
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| hansdelbruk
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After their 11th child, a redneck couple decided that was enough because they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have anymore children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.
"A less costly alternative," said the doctor, "is to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10."
The man said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count …"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.
Reply #818. Apr 12 10, 7:44 AM
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| hansdelbruk
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President Obama gets off a helicopter in front of the White House while carrying two piglets. A Marine guard salutes and says, "Nice pigs, sir."
The president replies, "These are not pigs. They're authentic Arkansas razorback hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Clinton and one for Speaker of the House Pelosi."
The marine says, "Excellent trade, sir."
Reply #819. Apr 13 10, 7:28 AM
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| DivineMsDRL
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Ok, what is a tiffin?
Reply #820. Apr 13 10, 9:00 AM
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