MotherGoose
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I love Liz Smith (she was Letitia Cropley in "The Vicar of Dibley"). She reminded me so much of my beloved grandmother in that show. Not only did she look like Gran but the character was much the same (except Gran was a much better cook). I cried buckets when she died in the show, it was like losing my grandmother all over again.
I've known quite a few people who've cut themselves off from their families. When my uncle married, his new wife ensured that they cut themselves off from the rest of the family, although there was no reason to do so. It's not as if she wasn't welcomed into the family. My uncle and aunt are the same age as me, and their children the same age as mine. It upsets my daughter dreadfully that she hasn't had the opportunity to get to know her (second?) cousins.
Reply #2881. Jun 20 11, 4:25 AM
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channe 
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Well, I read your blog all the time Lesley, but I have to say,that was a very depressing little interlude.
Some people really should be strangled at birth, but unfortunately we don't realise that until too late
Reply #2882. Jun 20 11, 5:04 AM
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| lesley153
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It's depressing - or heartbreaking.
And then there's every parent's nightmare - the child that gets married and wanders off. A friend's son got married a few years ago, and his bride immediately said "He's mine now." His parents get a couple of visits and a dozen mumbled phone calls a year, but they see her parents all the time. You wonder what it would have taken for him to say "On yer bike - where do you get off telling me I can't see my own parents?" Perhaps she picked him because she knew he'd earn money and not answer back.
It's one thing if a child wants to stay away from abusive parents: quite another if they throw their lot in with a possessive control freak. Sad. Oh dear - I'm depressed now! |
Reply #2883. Jun 20 11, 1:54 PM
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Professer
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thats is sad Lesley you should not be depressed as you have a loving Son and his girlfriend sounds nice too, Life we all have to make the best of it we can and i am sure you are better off then some.
Reply #2884. Jun 20 11, 3:00 PM
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| lesley153
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| Thanks, Gary, I know I am, but that wasn't about me, for a change. It's the idea of a couple losing their son to a machinating family that's as good as spirited him away, and the idea that he's too besotted, or too soft, or too something, to fight it. It sounds like an updated version of enchantment. |
Reply #2885. Jun 20 11, 4:41 PM
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MotherGoose
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"You wonder what it would have taken for him to say "On yer bike - where do you get off telling me I can't see my own parents?"
Too true! I am sure that's what my hubby would have said - not that I would ever have tried to interfere with his ties. In fact, it was the way he treated his mother that was a factor when I decided to marry him. My mother always said that if you want to know how a man will treat you after you've been married a while, watch the way he treats his mother - because that will be how he eventually treats you. I have seen this come true so many times.
My husband (Maynooth) treats me, and his mother, with the utmost courtesy and respect. My ex-fiancee (I broke off my engagement shortly before I met Maynooth) was not the same. He is a nice fellow and we are still friends, but he always treated his mother like a doormat - not abusive, but certainly not with respect. His marriage is on the rocks now and they only stay together for the sake of the children.
Reply #2886. Jun 20 11, 5:07 PM
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| lesley153
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Oh dear... I just had some horrible flashbacks.
- My mother telling me that a man who treats his mother well will treat his wife well, and me filing it away in the deepest recesses of my memory.
- My first meeting with the woman who would become my MIL. She made teas and coffees, she made meals, she talked non-stop, while her beloved son sat in the corner, reading his book, completely switched off while he read.
- Fast forward. I'm making teas and coffees and meals and washing, ironing and washing up, while he sits in an armchair with his book, not talking to me: or huddled over the computer keyboard, and not talking to me: or watching the telly, and turning it up to full volume if I speak to him.
On one occasion, he had the TV on, covering something sporty, teletext covering something else, and the radio next to him with commentary on a third sporting event, while he read a book and rolled cigarettes.
You had a lucky escape. I wish I'd listened to my mother! |
Reply #2887. Jun 20 11, 5:56 PM
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satguru
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Oh, that Liz Smith! I'm good with faces but names are not my strongpoint, peoples' or programmes. But show me an episode I've seen before and most times I'll notice after half a minute.
Now you mention it the two women who are after me at the moment get very same treatment from me as my mother does, unending patience and availability. I think I've just worked out why they're after me! I find most women are independent and don't want a doormat, but the few who do come after me as I tend to look after lost souls of any sort, just as my father does.
Reply #2888. Jun 20 11, 6:17 PM
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Jazmee27
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You, at least, have a wellspring of compassion; I know quite a few men who don't (and, dare I say it, have quite the reverse).
Reply #2889. Jun 20 11, 9:56 PM
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MotherGoose
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"Now you mention it the two women who are after me at the moment..."
Go, David!
Reply #2890. Jun 21 11, 3:47 AM
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MotherGoose
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Actually, that last comment might come across as ambiguous. I meant it in a positive way, as in "go for it"!
Reply #2891. Jun 21 11, 3:48 AM
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| lesley153
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| If you do, we'll stand in the wings and applaud. |
Reply #2892. Jun 21 11, 3:51 AM
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| veronikkamarrz
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Take your time, David. Have fun in the choosing...:)
Reply #2893. Jun 21 11, 9:53 AM
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satguru
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It's square pegs and round holes sadly. I've made plenty of offers and had plenty of offers. Besides the few sabotaged by distance, a mother and an ex boyfriend all the others have simply not fitted. These two comprise of an ex from 1984 who I escaped as soon as marriage was mentioned as she really was not the one. But as she lived in the same road always stayed close in every possible meaning of the word in case I ever changed my mind. She married and separated and still fancies her chances a second time round.
The second is a social misfit with a fair helping of paranoid schizophrenia. She is a good person and attractive but a hollow shell of a personality and refuses to be touched unless married. That alone is a very loud alarm bell as someone's already pointed out if that's what she's like before being married who's to say it'll be any different when she was- it's clearly not important to her and don't want a wife 'doing me a favour' for the next 30 or so years. Plus the effort of trying to make a reasonable conversation is like trying to improvise a speech after you've lost your notes. I do try and meet people half way but this is a lot further than that.
Reply #2894. Jun 21 11, 5:19 PM
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| lesley153
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| Well now you put it like that, David, I think you need a fresh start, possibly in a new area, perhaps with a new identity. |
Reply #2895. Jun 21 11, 5:55 PM
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satguru
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I have been criticised in the past about airing my dirty laundry, ie other people's faults, in public, but a) life is a documentary- it's not meant to be kept secret unless someone asks you to, and it's not as if they can be identified and b) I've never said they're awful people, just described their unfortunate personal shortcomings, just as you describe Merv and others like him. If we had to sneak around pretending everyone was fine and not mention their other sides it would be something out of the Twilight Zone and boring as heck. And I couldn't care if people all over the internet were ripping my character apart as I write, it's better than being ignored.
Reply #2897. Jun 21 11, 9:16 PM
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| lesley153
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| No, it was other people who read my anecdotes and said he was dreadful! And yes, anything is better than being ignored. |
Reply #2898. Jun 22 11, 5:35 AM
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Jazmee27
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Sure is :)
Reply #2899. Jun 22 11, 11:51 AM
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| lesley153
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Speak of the Devil... There was a ring at the doorbell yesterday evening. It was Merv, with a newspaper clipping he thought we needed to see. He was running for a bus, but could he knock on the way back? He wanted to know if he could take my copy of Sunday's gutter-press free paper, because his hadn't been delivered and he hasn't got a computer to read it on.
He reappeared later, with a surprisingly smart backpack/man-bag, as a change from the usual Iceland carrier bag, and requested glasses. He's abandoned beer in favour of wine, in the hope of losing some of the weight he put on when he stopped working, and I think the bottle he took from his bag was what he'd opened to accompany his meal in town.
There was enough for him to have a good glass and a top-up, and for me to have a sociable thimbleful. I think he stayed for a couple of hours, caught up on news, no blue jokes, and he didn't say "WELL, as I was SAYING" once! I told him to leave the empty bottle and I'd add it to my glass recycling, but he put it in his bag and said he'd do it.
A pleasant diversion, and what a surprise! |
Reply #2900. Jun 25 11, 8:19 AM
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