| lesley153
|
Thank you for the vote of confidence, Jazmee. Actually, I've been thinking - I think it would have irritated me even if my niece hadn't been smug and patronising and really just plain rude.
Merv called for the Thursday paper which hadn't arrived yet. He's off on a seaside jazz weekend. So will I keep the Thursday paper for him. And the Sunday one. He sounded like he was phoning in a grocery order.
I responded with the deep sarcasm that I do my best to reserve for real life. I told him I didn't mind being his newspaper convenience.
"You what?" he said, looking genuinely puzzled.
You've stopped deliveries because you think they disturb the neighbours. Do you know if they do? And how about the normal post - does that disturb the neighbours too?
"Yeah, well, er... he said. He shrugged and disappeared for his musical break. He couldn't have looked more uncomprehending if I'd hammered a crayon into his brain.
I can carry on being his newspaper collection point, and seething gently.
I can refuse, and then he will stare into his beer and tell his drinking companions that I'm a rancid old cow, which is his favourite description of women who fail to dance attendance on him. I wonder what he called me when I stopped doing his prize crossword.
I can leave the papers in a bin on the doorstep and then he can pick them up without disturbing me. I've started cringing again every time there's someone near the house, or the doorbell rings.
I can keep the curtains closed and never answer the door again.
I can put a "no free newspapers" notice on _my_ door!
I can move.
All inspiration and suggestions welcome. |
Reply #3561. Sep 30 11, 1:19 PM
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daymare 
|
You could just say 'no'. Further explaining is not necessary as the word is strong enough to stand on its own.
Reply #3562. Sep 30 11, 1:42 PM
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flopsymopsy
|
Do you care what his "mates" think? Assuming that he has any? Just tell him that it's disturbing your neighbours and you're not going to do it any more.
You could keep the curtains closed... I grew up in half light so it won't do you any harm. No, my mother didn't have a Merv in her life - we lived near the cemetery and every time there was a funeral we closed the curtains. Several times a day!
Reply #3563. Sep 30 11, 1:46 PM
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| lesley153
|
When he first asked, I'd just thrown the latest papers into the recycling bin, so they were near the top and easily retrieved. I could go back to doing that. And then again the word "no" does sound very appealing. I did actually say something about disturbing me so he doesn't have to disturb the neighbours, and I could hear the whooshing sound as it rushed over his head.
Funny you should ask that, Flopsy! Only this week, one of the men in the cardiac class mentioned that he'd spent many years working for the post office. In that case, he may know my retired postman. I said his name, and the grimace told me all I needed to know. When he was working, it seems that nobody had any time for him, and his colleagues did their best to avoid him.
I said he'd turned up on my doorstep about ten years ago, and told me he was desperately lonely. I added that my experience has been that if someone says they're desperately lonely, it doesn't usually take long to see why that is. I told him how I'd taken pity on him, and invited him in for tea and biscuits, how he'd behaved, and how I'd invited him in for a second time because I couldn't believe how churlish he had been. A second experiment confirmed it. There wasn't a third.
Did I know his wife?
No, she'd died before I met him. He says he feels bad, guilty, about the way he treated her.
**hollow laughter** Guilt? He doesn't know the meaning of the word! When he was married, he spent every spare minute in the pub.
When he called for this week's paper, he asked if my computer was on, because he's missed a television programme, and wanted to know which country it was about. He could have asked anyone in the pub. This might be another wedge, thin end of.
I'm contemplating a compromise. Rather than have another row with him, I shall leave them by the front door. If it's just the papers he wants, he'll accept the arrangement. He might even remember how to say thank you! If he's doing it as an excuse for human contact, he'll stop calling. Either way, I won't have to answer the door to him.
It's amazing how quickly the stress and high blood pressure return! |
Reply #3564. Sep 30 11, 2:10 PM
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| trojan11
|
Monosyllabic answers rarely work for the mentally oppressed. They will demand that you elaborate: "Why?" "What d'you mean," etc.
Closed curtains are likely to seem to be rather too inviting. Cosy evenings in, and all that.
Try this:
Always keep a kitchen knife clearly in view whenever he is around. When he asks you what it's for, smile mysteriously and look a little glassy eyed.
When you bring his tea and cake, place cake on his plate using your hands and say, "'Scuse fingers." He will smile and nod. Then allow a look of surprise to cover your face as you sniff the air. Look puzzled, then smile as realisation dawns. Sniff your fingers, wave them in the air and say...."Oh dear, that's my haemorrhoid cream, I forgot to wash my hands." A girlish giggle might be apt here.
Reach over and continually spin the knife. Look disappointed until the blade is pointing in his direction. Whilst looking at him, allow your eyes to widen, clamp teeth together and grin, then drool ever so slightly and complain of hearing voices in your head.
Te above are some of the more gentle methods of relieving yourself of the abiding pestilence.
Reply #3565. Sep 30 11, 2:14 PM
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Professer
|
Oh how i wish i was living nearer and in better health, would love to be there when merv shows up justto say theres the door don't let it hit you on the arse on way out, the papers will be in a bag outside infuture if you want them now take a walk.
Lesley you do not need or deserve the way he treats yoyu, your such a wonderful person.
Reply #3566. Sep 30 11, 2:56 PM
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flopsymopsy
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Lesley, don't leave the papers on the porch - that could make any passing reprobate think you're out and they might just try their luck. Bad if you're out, possibly worse if you're not. Just tell Merv that as it's his choice that the papers aren't delivered to his house if he wants to read them he needs to change his mind. He should not use you as a paper receptacle.
Reply #3567. Sep 30 11, 3:30 PM
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Jazmee27
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I couldn't agree more
Reply #3568. Sep 30 11, 3:30 PM
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daymare
|
I bet Merv still rings the bell.
In that case, I recommend a red stained shirt with a couple of well-placed cuts. Mess up your hair and adopt a wide-eyed, frantic look. When you open the door, act short of breath and advise Merv you are 'in the middle of resolving a pest problem and need to finish up'.
I don't suggest a weapon as he could attempt to disarm you.
Reply #3569. Sep 30 11, 3:31 PM
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| lesley153
|
Thank you all - these are all wonderful and they're all going in my autobiography!
Flopsy, I've got a little porch thingy over the front door, where I can put things so they can't be seen from the front door, so that's not a problem. The problem for me is that I thought I was helping him out (occasionally) until I learnt that he was taking me for a mug. He has spotted people who were delivering the papers and taken one off their cart, and he has even taken them out of strange letterboxes. He can do that again.
"He should not use you as a paper receptacle."
Yes yes YES! I mean no, he shouldn't.
Thank you {smile} |
Reply #3570. Sep 30 11, 4:00 PM
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| lesley153
|
"so they can't be seen from the front door"
Nearly. What I meant to write was so they can't be seen from a distance.
A few days ago, I had something to eat and put the plate in the rubbish. (It's OK, I got it out again.) The other day, I was making a snack and a cup of coffee. I almost put a spoonful of coffee in the pan. Nothing an early night won't cure! |
Reply #3571. Sep 30 11, 4:41 PM
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flopsymopsy
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Ha! I do that sort of thing quite often. I bought some packs of coffee pods recently and opened a pack yesterday, then opened the jar I keep pods in and emptied the few remaining 'old' pods from the jar into the open pack which I then threw into the recycling box. Where, fortunately, everything is dry - because I then had to fish new and old coffee pods out of the box to put them all in the jar which I screwed shut with a sigh of relief. Then I had to open the jar again because I wanted coffee!
Reply #3572. Sep 30 11, 5:11 PM
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| lesley153
|
Ooh thank you - I feel better now.
And I've just hatched a cunning plan for dealing with the dismal Merv. I shall report back by Monday if I go through with it and if it works. Actually, it's not that cunning. It's so obvious, I don't know why it's taken me so long to think of it. Watch this space! |
Reply #3573. Sep 30 11, 5:59 PM
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Professer
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Am watching :)
Reply #3574. Oct 01 11, 1:27 AM
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| C30
|
Lesley.......your Blog has TV soaps beaten all ways up for interest!
As for the plate in the rubbish.........comes under "senior moment" I believe?
Mind you, as the old adage says, "When you are up to your neck in alligators, it is difficult to remember that the original objective was to drain the swamp" !
For some reason, that brings me back to "Merv"...........he will not be the first, nor the last, person to make idiot of themselves over a member of the opposite sex (or even, this day and age, the same sex. Most however, get to realise when their overtures are not welcome....unfortunately Merv seems a tad more "dense" in this respect!
Reply #3575. Oct 01 11, 2:54 AM
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Professer
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well put C30, Mervs as dense as the former Amazon rain forest.
Reply #3576. Oct 01 11, 4:17 AM
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| lesley153
|
Thank you Ray. Nice to know I entertain - I sometimes get the feeling that I'm talking to myself.
When we had Real Blogs, I wrote a dozen or so pieces about Merv, and people said they enjoyed them: probably because I was having the pleasure of his attention, and they weren't.
When I'd got sick of it, they said poor man is lonely... he just wants company... I feel sorry for him... don't dump him, we enjoy reading about him... When I asked who wanted his address, everyone ran.
I thought he seemed to have mellowed since last time. No. He acts dense sometimes but I'm not sure that he is inherently dense - I think he's dense because it suits him not to understand anything that conflicts with his basic selfishness.
Merv is my equivalent of horsesh1t on my doorstep.
|
Reply #3577. Oct 01 11, 6:16 AM
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| C30
|
Horsesh1t can be useful - makes quite good compost for garden. I have yet to detect any use what-so-ever for Merv!
Reply #3578. Oct 01 11, 7:08 AM
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| lesley153
|
| Uses? Rose fertiliser, I think. That's about it. |
Reply #3579. Oct 01 11, 7:12 AM
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daymare
|
I thought Merv was past tense.
Reply #3580. Oct 01 11, 7:36 AM
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