satguru 
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I always suspected he may be human under the lack of presentation. I think maybe his parents didn't teach him any manners, they were probably worse than him.
Reply #4501. Feb 10 12, 10:19 PM
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Professer
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Is nice when someone does that, even merv :) couple weeks when i had extreme difficuty walking, a friend offered to do my shopping which i gratefully accepted, being the type of person i am could not let her do it for nothing so paid for a chinese meal for us both.
Reply #4503. Feb 11 12, 2:36 AM
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| lesley153
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| That's the best way to thank someone. :) |
Reply #4504. Feb 11 12, 10:02 AM
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| veronikkamarrz
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It seemed like a very small thing, but on a snowy, windy evening, I offered an 'older' woman help with her groceries and taking her cart to the rack...She was stunned and thanked me over and over. You just never know. :)
Reply #4505. Feb 11 12, 10:49 AM
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| lesley153
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It may seem like a small thing if you're fit and well but to the little old lady, it was a lifesaver.
I too have been that little old lady. For instance, a couple of years ago, I was coming out of a tube station, with an overnight case on wheels - those things people all over London drag behind them like poodles, and you have to try not to trip over them - and I stopped on the last half a dozen steps up to street level. A woman not much younger than me smiled, and swung the case onto the pavement, with no apparent effort.
Stray thought - it's so often women who stop to help. I've been very grateful for help from men too, but they're usually far too busy to stop. Huffing, puffing, watch-checking White Rabbits, almost to a man. |
Reply #4506. Feb 11 12, 11:27 AM
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Professer
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Funny you say that lesley couple times when traveling north i have had offer of help from women but not men, that was before i knew of the assisted travel avaialble by east coast trains.
Reply #4507. Feb 11 12, 11:30 AM
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| lesley153
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| I've also noticed, in the scramble for seats on Tube trains, it's fit young men who get to the seats first, and disappear into their piped music so they can pretend there's noone else around. Then it's the fit young women who sit down and scowl. (After that, it's me waiting on the platform for the next train.) |
Reply #4508. Feb 11 12, 2:01 PM
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Professer
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have to say when i was in London 2 years ago for my marathon west end shows of 10 in 6 days, we used tube a lot and maybe it was because of my stick i use but i was offered a seat every time mainly by young women whilst young men stayed put,
Reply #4509. Feb 11 12, 2:46 PM
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| lesley153
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| That's good that you were offered a seat. Young men aren't coming out of this very well, are they? |
Reply #4510. Feb 11 12, 3:59 PM
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Professer
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Think it is men in common really Lesley,before i had problems walking i would offer a seat on bus etc to a woman wether old or young.
Sadly now i cannot do that, i have to say i am not a fan of the tube though people do seem to loose all common sense when trying to get on.
Reply #4511. Feb 12 12, 2:31 AM
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| lesley153
|
True - a lot of people don't seem to have grasped that letting people out of the carriage will make more room for them inside, and the sooner they let people get off, the sooner they'll be able to get on. I don't know why not - I mean, it's hardly Physics O level.
What I don't understand is why they'll force themselves into the last bit of space, rather than wandering along the platform to an emptier carriage where there's enough oxygen to go round, and wouldn't dream of letting that one go and maybe having to wait a whole minute for the next one. |
Reply #4512. Feb 12 12, 12:17 PM
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Jazmee27
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Helpful men are out there, but most of the time you have to hit them over the head with a brick before they realize they should offer.
Ask for assistance, however, and they will give it.
And then there are those who claim they *want to help, but really would rather not.
Funny how it’s the younger generation of men (let’s use the term “men” loosely) who are the least helpful.
When I was still on speaking terms with the bus company (and drivers), the most helpful ones were (a) middle-aged men and women, and (b) the older generation (though there was one woman who had no time to help me with anything, and more often than not rubbed me the wrong way (she’s the one who, upon seeing the three or four grocery bags next to me, asked “what the hell is this?” She’s also the one whom, upon dropping me home, left the bag with the bread in the middle of the walkway because “I’m not allowed inside). The most difficult to deal with were (a) one of the younger females, who left me at the front door of the school and said “you’re on your own now”), and a younger man (who left me outside for one of the college staff to assist me—which, it will come as no surprise, “they’re not supposed to do that”). Forgive any bitterness that may be leaking on to the keyboard.
Reply #4513. Feb 12 12, 8:15 PM
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daver852
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Oh, goodness. I was raised to always offer my seat to a lady. Also to open doors, offer to carry heavy things, etc. One should always act the part of a gentleman, even if he's a scoundrel.
Reply #4514. Feb 12 12, 9:32 PM
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Jazmee27
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Apparently, some people aren't getting the message.
Reply #4515. Feb 13 12, 2:22 PM
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| lesley153
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Bitterness fully understood.
Daver, you were raised to be a gentleman, and you are very young: there is hope for the world yet. |
Reply #4516. Feb 13 12, 7:59 PM
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wyambezi
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Lesley, you know a little about my husband, but I've had to 'remind' him to be helpful. He was raised to be a gentleman too but he's also the absent-minded professor type who's distracted by his own thoughts and just doesn't always notice the situation around him. Ex: we have a snowthrower (snowblower, whatever you want to call it). After a large snowfall some years back I suggested he do the neighbors' driveways so they wouldn't have to shovel (one was dying of bone cancer, others worked long hours). He disagreed and felt that if they wanted help they would ask for it. He finally realized that he wouldn't be comfortable asking for help so they wouldn't either. Now he always buys enough fuel to do about six driveways and lets them know they can borrow the thrower anytime (some have).
I'm not trying to excuse all men but I think there are various reasons men aren't quick to offer assistance these days, especially to women. Times have changed and they're not always certain what's expected of them. My personal rule is that you help anyone when you recognize the need for it. Their sex and age don't matter because it's just about showing respect for a fellow human. However, there's usually no excuse for a younger, able-bodied person to not stand and offer a seat to anyone who appears burdened in any way. I get comfort in knowing the day's coming when they'll ache and feel the need to sit down.
Sorry this was too long, aren't you glad I'm not here often? :)
Reply #4517. Feb 15 12, 11:40 AM
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| lesley153
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No it wasn't too long and I wish you were!
I know what you mean about people being uncomfortable offering help. If you know someone's ill or weak, is it an insult to offer help?
And of course you only need one courtesy thrown back in you face and you'll never offer again. A man offers a woman a seat and she says "stay there, young man, I'll stand, I'm twice the man you are." Or a man holds the door open for a woman and she says "How dare you hold the door for me, you sexist pig? What makes you think I need your help?" It may be thanks to them that I'm standing or trying to stop the door hitting me.
Of course there's always the man who says "You want equality, you got it," but that's just an excuse for being inconsiderate.
I like the idea that all they need is a gentle nudge. I've asked you this before - has your nice husband got a brother? |
Reply #4518. Feb 15 12, 1:07 PM
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wyambezi
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He has 2 brothers, Lesley, both married. One has been married longer than us and is a grandfather. The other married for the first time in his forties and appears to be happy with it. The long-distance dating would be a killer, wouldn't it? :)
Reply #4519. Feb 16 12, 2:05 PM
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| C30
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Once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away, I offered my seat on a bus in Cambridge to a "lady", who snapped, "I'm just as capable of standing as you are"..........! Your right, it does tend to deter men from offering!
So, fair do's, unless the member of the fair sex is heavily pregnant, aged, or disabled in some obvious way........I'll stay seated!
Reply #4520. Feb 16 12, 3:18 PM
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