Deunan 
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One would think your suggestion of lunch would have been met with "oh do let me drive, when would you like me to arrive, where do you want to go, are there any other errands you would like take care of while we are together" and so on.
After all you are the one deserving to be pampered.
Pampering is one of my best skills....except when it comes to pampering me.
Reply #481. Apr 29 10, 5:47 PM
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| lesley153
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If the roles had been reversed, that's what it would have been like. Nine times out of ten, she walks to where we're eating and I give her a lift home. You reminded me, once, I think I remember making a couple of stops on the way back to her house, for errands she needed to do. If she only wants to consort with fit people who can keep up with her, I shall just have to get well very slowly.
Actually, the more I think, the more I think she can join Merv. We'll see. |
Reply #482. Apr 29 10, 6:22 PM
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| Lochalsh
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I'm not defending your erstwhile friend, but I am commiserating with you. It seems that people get so caught up in their own routines that they aren't even aware when others have interrupted patterns. I try to anticipate others' needs, why can't everyone else be like me? (Oh, perish that thought!).
It's an excellent idea to take Jonathan with you for the initial appointment with the surgeon. He'll be moral support, of course, and he'll also provide an extra set of ears in a tension-fraught situation.
Reply #483. Apr 29 10, 7:43 PM
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| lesley153
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She's an exceptionally intelligent and well-educated woman, just not very good at empathy. I was a bit upset (not too upset!) by her brusque dismissal of my suggestion, so I thought perhaps I can clear the air instead of seething. A few years ago, she was sitting in my car, and asked me how I could be relaxed enough to chat, because she doesn't enjoy driving, and is a tense driver.
So I texted her to tell her about my appointment and to ask why she'd said wait - did she think I might die and make a mess in her car, or does she just hate driving. She said the appt is good news, and the truth is she wants her friends to grow very very old with her, and join her to sip tea in her cosy little cottage, and she didn't want to over-exert me with her walking everywhere. Which is mad, because there's no way I would even think of trying to keep up with her. I think the real truth is, while I'm slow, she doesn't want to slow down to my pace. So I wrote back and said I wouldn't even try to keep up with her, which is why I asked her to pick me up so I wouldn't have to think about walking.
Jonathan said it's like the people you ring to cancel arrangements because you're ill, and they say "No problem." They don't think. They consider the impact your news will have on them, and that's all they can manage. If you stop talking to all the people who don't think, you'll hardly be talking to anyone. He's right, but do we need people who don't think? Come back Merv all is forgiven? No, I think I'll give that one a miss.
And it has changed the way I feel about her a bit. When Jonathan was 17 or 18, and learning to drive, I bought him an old banger and rang round for insurance. Most of the companies said no, he's too young for us - get him insured where you can, and you can come back in a few years and ask us again. So I got him insured, and the company that took him on then have still got him. The rest can whistle. If she can't be bothered with me while I'm slow and can't get out without help, will I be interested in her when I'm fully repaired and driving again? **Discuss!** ;D
It wasn't my idea to get Jonathan to take me. It was his! I told him about the appointment because I knew he'd want to come, and know what was happening. If he didn't come, and relied on me to tell him about the consultation, he would bombard me with questions and I would go blank on nine out of ten of them. If he comes too, he can ask all the questions I would never even have thought of. Plus I get his company for a few hours. I shall enjoy that. |
Reply #484. Apr 30 10, 6:51 AM
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Rowena8482
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I think you are so right to take J with you to your appt! My hubby and I were discussing mine next week (with the "pleasant woman" nurse :-|) and hubby mentioned something rather important that she'd apparantly said at the last appt, and I have no recollection of it whatsoever! Another pair of ears can make a world of difference.
Reply #485. Apr 30 10, 5:21 PM
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| lesley153
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Thanks Rowena, his ears, curiosity and memory will make all the difference.
"Real life" friends seem to think that everything he does, he does because I make him. They say I can get patient transport to the appointment, and tell him about it afterwards. They're missing the point!
About five years after hubby died, I had questions about his treatment, and his consultant agreed to see me to talk about them. (That was good of him - he could have said it's too long ago - go away.) I told one of the school staff that I was taking J out of school for this meeting, and they said I didn't need to bother. I could go alone and tell him about it afterwards. They were missing the point too.
The people on here have brains and aren't afraid to use them - and rather spoil me for Real Life people.
Please don't forget to tell me how you get on with your Pleasant Woman appointment. :) |
Reply #486. Apr 30 10, 5:57 PM
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| lesley153
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I replied to my Erstwhile Friend 27 hours ago: "Isn't communication the most precious gift we have? That's why I asked if you'd pick me up, so I wouldn't have to think about walking." Hmmm.
Question: I wonder if it occurred to her that I might enjoy her company; I might appreciate a change of scenery, and lunch that I haven't had to cook; that she's been in my car loads of times - including when I picked her up from her house to go to the the school caretaker's funeral, and hung around like a spare part while she caught up with all her old cronies - and I can't remember but I may have been in her car once. Not sure.
Answer: after a period of mature and deliberate consideration... I don't think I care very much if it's occurred to her or not.
This morning I walked (very slowly) to shops half a mile away, and back, to get money and flowers. I'm going out now, to see friends who don't care if I can't walk fast or drive them around. One of them has just had a birthday and the flowers are for her, although I did sing to her yesterday (and she's still talking to me). I hate Stagecoach and can't remember the last time I got on a Bedford bus. Still it's £1.55, and a minicab would be about a fiver, so it's worth a try.
Back soon. :) |
Reply #487. May 01 10, 8:15 AM
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satguru
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You're very lucky it's Jonathon and not me for the hospitals. I spent maybe 10 years regularly either taking my grandma to consultants or visiting her in hospital- not the sort of visiting you and I think of, but two hour sessions a few times a week often for months on end. I developed a hospital phobia as a result (I had the others so it didn't feel lonely) and only her last two sessions in local places I knew well made me go back again after a couple of years off, and when she returned from a month in Barnet she didn't remember I'd been as her potassium levels had gone haywire and affected her memory of the period. But she was delighted every time I turned up even if she did forget when she got home.
And being my grandma although I didn't usually share the appointment as a witness I got chapter and verse on the way home, including details of lower down inspections of all types. 'I didn't need a sedative, I just let him put the metal rod all the way up'. That was after the flying saucer episode I think.
Reply #488. May 01 10, 10:43 AM
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| lesley153
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Thanks for sharing the metal rod, David! :p
After all these years, and all these hospital visits, I think Jonathan just regards hospitals as normal places to be - more like home from home than places to hate. He had three grandparents when he was born. All three, and his father, died at home, surrounded by family. Perhaps he'd think differently if they'd died in hospital.
The bus journeys today, and the visit to friends, went very well. I've spent £3 on bus fares, instead of £20 on minicabs, and the sun was warm all day. (It didn't start raining till I got home.) The best bit, of course, is knowing that I can get about, and better than I could a few months ago: that I don't need to depend on on minicabs and friends with cars to get anywhere.
I always knew that the Erstwhile Friend was pretty insensitive and selfish, and takes more than she gives, but I always made allowances. I don't think I want to do that any more. In the unlikely event that I ever hear from her again, I shall have to tell her that I wouldn't dream of slowing her down. Another bit of dead wood hits the Merv-pile! |
Reply #489. May 01 10, 3:11 PM
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Deunan
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I am glad your day was pleasant.
Well done for having the energy and desire to enjoy an outing.
Reply #490. May 01 10, 3:37 PM
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Rowena8482
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I have formulated a Plan of Action for the "pleasant woman" this time, so I can either tell you all about it in great and lengthy detail on Tuesday before I go, or you can wait until Thursday and have both the plan and the results all at once lol - I shall of course, be in the pub at the usual hour on both days :-D
Reply #491. May 01 10, 5:45 PM
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| lesley153
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Thank you, Deunan, the outings were good but they knocked me out. I left a few things switched on because I was so tired I forgot to switch them off, and slept from 2 till 8 then 8 till 2. A few months ago I was desperate to get more than four hours' sleep, and now I'm getting twelve. Where has sensible compromise gone?
Rowena, I shall have both great and lengthy, on Tuesday and Thursday, please thank you. And you can tell me if you've seen Jamie and David and their mum. |
Reply #492. May 02 10, 8:16 AM
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Professer
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Lesley my dear friend so much to read and catch up not having net access for 4 days was a pain.
I hope you are well. I have missed you so much make life a wee bit easier let me know what happend re the ambulance complaint please
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{LESLEY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Reply #493. May 02 10, 11:00 AM
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| lesley153
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Gary, welcome back!
Nothing much has happened yet. I wrote about the meeting with the ambulance managers in post 458, and forgot to mention their hint that the two who weren't the sneery one were not entirely blameless. I haven't heard from them though.
I've had an acknowledgment to both emails now, have found that I can walk fair distances (slowly), and the buses aren't that bad till the novelty wears off; and have more or less consigned a long-standing "friend" to the Merv-pile.
Years ago, Jonathan recounted his thought processes about one of his teachers.
1. That's odd - she's made a very bitchy remark. I wonder why, because she isn't a bitch.
2. That's a very bitchy thing she did which puzzles me, because she isn't a bitch.
3. Got it - why she's like that - because she is a bitch!
I spent years thinking how crassly insensitive my EF can be (did I mention the episodes with the holiday snaps?) considering how intelligent, well-read, cultured she is. I have now decided that crass blanks out all the good stuff. Merv, have you met my EF? You two should get on like a house on fire, because you only care about yourselves.
**pause to check Gary's blog**
Lost internet connection, regained internet connection, had a great weekend.
Good - I am so pleased for you. :) |
Reply #494. May 02 10, 2:03 PM
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Professer
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only drawback Lesley was coming home after such a nice time, all in all was good to get away from the hassles caused by Virgin Media, just hope thats the end of things with them.
Hope you are feeling better Lesley, lots of hugs
{{{{{{{{{{{{LESLEY}}}}}}}}}
Reply #495. May 03 10, 4:47 AM
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| lesley153
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| Gary, aren't you glad you don't work for Virgin Media? You've had a great weekend, and I hope you can push the Virgin idiocy to the back of your mind. Once they've done their job, you should be OK for ages. Don't let these silly people spoil your weekend. OK? |
Reply #496. May 03 10, 11:16 AM
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Professer
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Lesley i am glad i do not work for Virgin media, I reason i am with them is that BT wanted to charge me £150 to install a phone line. NTL as it was then was no charge. The service under NTL was good, my mum switched from BT to NTL as did my Sister and auntie in Portsmouth. They have saved pounds on what they would have paid BT if still with them.
I never had any Internet problems till virgin media took over NTL.
Hope you are feeling ok dear friend miss not hearing from you.
Reply #497. May 05 10, 2:31 AM
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| lesley153
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That rang a bell (no pun intended - honest) and I found the blog I made about Jonathan's experiences with BT when he was trying to get a simple phone installed. It was the beginning of the academic year, and they needed a phone line before they could have broadband before they could use their computers in the flat.
 http://www.funtrivia.com/blogs/entry.cfm?entry=11324#comments
BT didn't even have the excuse that it was a remote Scottish island, or the top of a mountain. This was in Chiswick, in leafy suburban London. |
Reply #498. May 05 10, 3:08 PM
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redwaldo
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George Orwell wrote his last book on a remote Scottish island,
Jura. I hope his predictions NEVER come into being in the English-speaking world.
Reply #499. May 06 10, 5:21 AM
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Professer
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Well the saga continues Lesley i lost access to one of my email accounts i now have to ring back at 10pm tmw as they have reset password etc to give me access to my email account.
Reply #500. May 06 10, 9:58 AM
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