Professer 
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person who helped me not Virgin btw said get your Jonathan Tell her to change her SMTP server to: smtp.ntlworld.com
Reply #561. Jun 02 10, 3:46 AM
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| lesley153
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Thanks, Gary, and Gary's friend. Inside the error box is says that my account is pop.ntlworld.com and my server is smtp.ntlworld.com. It also says something about a temporary local problem - please try later. Temporary is two minutes - not three days!
I may have to revert to my hotmail account - after I'd told everyone how useless it was!
VM, I don't want to answer it either, but I was thinking that perhaps a well-chosen response would make her take the hint that I don't need her version of friendship. She rang the landline at lunchtime today but didn't leave a message.
Perhaps my silence (if I can keep it up) will be all the hint she needs. I'll just have to remember to check caller ID before I reply. |
Reply #562. Jun 02 10, 7:35 AM
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| lesley153
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PS Yes thanks - they had the most wonderful time.
I wouldn't want to go back and go through it all again. What I wouldn't mind doing is putting my current brain into the body I had then. Who was it said that youth is wasted on the young? |
Reply #563. Jun 02 10, 7:40 AM
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Deunan
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Lesley, what if you returned the same type of message you received? Not asking one thing about her, not hoping for her good health, not one word about her?
In return, you GUSH about all the wonderful and new and exciting and amazing and outstanding things in YOUR world.
Then for a closing..."I do hope you do not think me remiss if I do not respond as quickly to your updates about your life as you would like. I find my time is becoming more precious each day due to various other activities."
As always, it is up to you.
I've had friends like the one you are dealing with currently. I found Fun Trivians instead and am a much happier person.
Reply #564. Jun 02 10, 8:35 AM
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Professer
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Lesley the Irish lad i spoke to yesterday tried to get me to change settings my friend said no dont just insist that i cannot recieve mails from anyone but could send.
He checked it then got a supervisor to check admitted there is a problem said it had been raised with IT guys.
My friend showed me the link i posted and seems this is a major issue so lets hope they sort it.
Reply #565. Jun 02 10, 8:49 AM
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| lesley153
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Deunan, I like that. I'm not very good at gushing, but I might be able to use the word friends in a way that clearly excludes her.
Rough draft:
Seen the surgeon now but haven't had the surgery yet. Spending my time enjoying contact and conversations with friends and family. Kind of you to think of me.
That will fit in a single text message, with two characters spare. These will not be wasted on smileys and kisses. Need 3 for a smiley anyway. :)
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Reply #566. Jun 02 10, 9:53 AM
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| lesley153
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Gary, thank you for the update. Normally I'm (one of) the first to stand up and make a noise but, right now, I'm happy to relax and let other people make the noise, and hope that it will be sorted soon enough.
I'm also happy to know that there are other people willing to make a noise. They're rarer than you think. |
Reply #567. Jun 02 10, 9:56 AM
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Deunan
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Lesley, did she think of you? At all?
Or, is the comment your way of saying "hey, remember me? I'm the one who continued to be your friend when it became obvious the only friend you appear to want is yourself?"
Reply #568. Jun 02 10, 10:08 AM
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| lesley153
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No, I don't think she did. I thinks she wants people to go out with and do things with, but only if they're sound of mind and body and can keep up with what she wants to do. One sniff of weakness, and you're out.
My comment now is more along the lines of "Don't bother remembering me. I'm the one who thought we were friends, until I realised that you're all take and no give. Find yourself another taxi service."
It's not as if I miss the conversation either. She can't talk for long because her voice goes and she just coughs her head off (down the phone: ouch poor ear). She doesn't look at her emails unless you tell her to, and even then I'm not sure. And when you do talk, it has to be about a subject she approves of. No, it's too much like hard work and not much fun. |
Reply #569. Jun 02 10, 10:44 AM
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MarchHare007
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Mmmm A little thought about a return message Lesley....
'Very busy catching up with friends and family before my op. Don't call me - I'll call you.' *sweet smile*
Reply #570. Jun 03 10, 7:41 AM
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| lesley153
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Revised version, sent a minute ago:
"No, I've only just seen the surgeon! Spending my time seeing & chatting with friends & family. Kind of you to think of me. I hope your cough is resolved. Lesley"
Intended message is - "I *do* have a life, and you're not part of it." Hope it works.
Going through old text messages, I found one that said she was walking into town, and would I like to join her for lunch but she'd understand if it was short notice. Ha! It was ten past two! I declined. :D |
Reply #571. Jun 03 10, 7:49 AM
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| lesley153
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| MH, I didn't see yours because my last post took forever, and I wish I had. Remind me to double check with you please next time I want to write something like that. Great minds do think alike, though. Same message, only you said it better. *sob* |
Reply #572. Jun 03 10, 7:52 AM
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Professer
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Lesley who needs friends like that, you seem happy just wish i could be but still worrying for my friend.
Reply #573. Jun 03 10, 8:38 AM
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| lesley153
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Gary, your worry about your friend is hanging over you like a big black cloud, blocking all the sunshine. Please try to let in a little bit of sunshine, before you forget how to, and the big black cloud takes over completely. One bit of sunshine - you're getting to talk to her again. Another bit of sunshine - her niece. Are you in touch with her niece as often as, or even more often than you were before the accident?
And the answer to who needs friends like that is - other people like that. She went quiet for a month and I had rather hoped that that was it. I wasn't at all pleased to hear from her again. Not only because I thought the text would be Jonathan saying they'd landed, but also because I very simply hadn't wanted to hear from her again.
Going back through texts again, I see that a lot of them are from abroad, or from the plane seconds before the doors close, or from a "day out with a friend in London." Most of them say "Hope you are well" in chatspeak. That's nice.
None of this really mattered before. It started to matter when she visited me in hospital. She texted me first, to ask me to text her with the ward visiting hours! And then she arrived, on a Saturday, knowing that Jonathan was on his way from London, and is at work all week.
I always thought hospital visiting protocol demands that you
- let the patient take the lead. You are entering the patient's world, and you leave your own outside. You can give them personal or public news, but only if they specifically ask for it.
- give priority to the patient's family. Simple. Relatives arrive, you leave.
- give priority to people who are frail, or have come a long way. You can probably come again. They probably can't. They arrive, you leave.
She broke all three. She'd have done better not to come.
End of rant!
My little bit of sunshine is a phone call the other day from my 20-year-old nephew. He's been at a seminary a few hundred miles away, for two and a half years, and says he phones me when it's a fast day, or he's bored, and he only does it because he hasn't got a life.
"So, when you leave, join the outside world, and get yourself a life, I can expect not to hear from you again?"
"Yes, that's about the size of it."
But he rang me the day after I saw my surgeon, to ask me how the appointment went, and the latest call lasted an hour and a half. When he does get himself a life, it'll be a good one. |
Reply #574. Jun 03 10, 9:31 AM
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| lesley153
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Ooh - a reply. Reproduced exactly:
Hi! Lesley,It's such a glorious day & I'm strolling in Kew gdns wth frd.Chat soon & take gd care,girl[wink]xx
You couldn't make it up. You don't need to. She's like a textbook! :) |
Reply #575. Jun 03 10, 10:28 AM
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honeybee4
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Lesley, when you get your heart fixed, it will be you in Kew Gardens and I wouldn't blame you if the friend didn't even come to your mind. Take care.
Reply #576. Jun 03 10, 10:49 AM
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Deunan
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She is bragging, there is no "friend", she is lonely and she wants someone to gush to about her "travels".
She wants to feel important and special.
Lesley, you are already important and special.
Girl? Please. That was just rude.
Reply #577. Jun 03 10, 10:57 AM
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Deunan
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Forgot to include reasoning...
If she were with a friend, why take the time to text to another person? Not only is that rude to the person you are with, it is mean to text to someone the texter (word?) won't hang out with due to her not being "rough and ready" to travel.
Yep, she is alone.
Have a happy rest of the day, Lesley.
Reply #578. Jun 03 10, 11:01 AM
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| lesley153
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Thanks, Judy. I can't wait to have the strength to do things like that again. Hop in the car to drive 50 or 100 miles. She'll only stop coming into my mind when I'm confident that I shan't be hearing from her again. Right now she seems to be interested only in keeping her options open, in case I'm the only person left in the world for her to do things with. She's made it very clear that she's not interested in me.
Have I mentioned her charming, patient husband? You wouldn't think she had a husband. They don't seem to do much together. They did go to Iceland together more than a year ago (have I mentioned the pictures of - er - snow? :D ), but all the other holidays, and days out, seem to be with a never-ending supply of friends. When she got home from NZ, she hopped on another plane to Ireland, to see her daughter in Belfast, but that was by herself. Odd. I don't think they should be joined at the hip, but she seems to be making a very large point of doing things without him, and actually getting angry when people ask her if she went with him, or why she didn't go with him. Whatever happened to Happy Medium!
It would be interesting to see how she reacted if he went off by himself for a weekend or a month. But not that interesting. |
Reply #579. Jun 03 10, 11:11 AM
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| lesley153
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And thanks, Deunan, too. I don't know about lonely and alone, but I think she is empty. And she does love an audience she can show off to. I don't know why she wrote "chat soon" because she doesn't do chatting. She doesn't do conversation either. Attempting to exchange views with her is like trying to bounce a flat ball off a brick wall. She Knows What She Thinks, and there is little or nothing to be gained by discussing it. Ouch.
Yes, the reply text could easily have waited at least till she got home; no, she didn't need to rub my face in where she was; and yes, I can live without someone a year or so younger than me calling me Dear Girl. Ugh! :) |
Reply #580. Jun 03 10, 11:20 AM
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