satguru 
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| I didn't mention chopsticks so can only refer to what I meant, but I'd say everyone could see it was supposed to be humour and as far as I know doesn't actually apply to anywhere near it anyway. |
Reply #1241. Oct 09 11, 12:47 PM
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| lesley153
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No, I mentioned chopsticks. Jonathan chose to live in Balham, because Tooting is a hole. I think that applies to a lot of residential areas near hospitals, factories and railway stations.
When I helped him move in, we took a break between arriving and departing, part of which was filled with a very nice meal.
We walked into a smart Italian restaurant first, and stayed long enough for Jonathan to spot his surgeon, the man who fixed his back, and then to be ignored for longer than we thought reasonable, plus it gave us an opportunity to read the menu, twice, in dawning horror that there was nothing on it that appealed to us... at THOSE prices?
We walked past the (famous) Bedford pub, which was surrounded by happy people clutching beer tankards and chatting merrily, and eventually arrived at a Chinese-Japanese restaurant, where we were instantly welcomed and taken to a table.
The meals came with chopsticks, and we were surrounded by diners expertly using them to ferry food into their mouths. I have not acquired the skill of chopsticking, and I asked for a fork. Nobody laughed and Jonathan didn't disown me.
What was the question again please?
Reply #1242. Oct 09 11, 2:43 PM
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satguru
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| Whoever mentioned chopsticks as I said was not picking on anyone but was clearly taken out of context. As for Tooting I think you have to go there to know what we mean. |
Reply #1243. Oct 09 11, 4:02 PM
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| lesley153
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Am I allowed to kill the next deadbeat who stands on my doorstep clutching a clipboard, assuring me with desperation in his voice that he's not selling anything, offering me a free quote for replacement windows and giving me the third degree when I say I have arranged to have them replaced?
The last one was a little boy who'd obviously been reading the training manual: "Section X - how to deal with punters who say they've already got one, or are getting one. Ask them a string of irritating, intrusive questions to try to find out if they genuinely don't need you, or are just saying it to get rid of you."
If I tell him I'm getting it done, I don't expect to be asked when, who, and have I signed anything or paid any money yet. Perhaps the best thing to do is what I did when someone leaned on the doorbell and woke me up. Open door, see clipboard, groan "Oh no..." and close the door again. I realise, with hindsight, that I should have closed the door the moment I heard the immortal words: "Are you the homeowner?"
Sorry, I don't know where that came from. I am just a LOT pissed off at the moment, because my shiny new boiler isn't working.
Reply #1244. Oct 09 11, 6:41 PM
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| trojan11
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Rap it with chopsticks, you'll soon get a lovely rhythm. Use bananas for a slightly heavier beat, watermelons for real percussion, and any human/animal scalp for that nice 'symbol' thrashing sound.
As for clipboard carriers at the door. I know it sounds twee, but "No - thank you for calling," slam door. Always worked for me.
Here it's "No!" Followed by, "Julio, reload my pistol." :)
Reply #1245. Oct 09 11, 7:48 PM
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| tiepolo
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Lesley, have you tried a simple "je ne parle pas anglais"?
Reply #1246. Oct 09 11, 8:39 PM
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| C30
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tiepolo..........."No speaka da English" doesn't work, as half those grasping the clipboard don't speak it either!
Reply #1247. Oct 10 11, 12:29 AM
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| tiepolo
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I didn't suggest that she speak pidgin English; I counseled French, which Lesley knows quite well.
Reply #1248. Oct 10 11, 12:45 AM
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| lesley153
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Trojan, that was thoroughly evil (and made me laugh)! I like the pistol option best. Here I think it would have to be "Jeeves, dust my truncheon." Having given up on windows, Clipboard Boy started wittering about solar panels and conservatories. NO! Aaargh! Go away!
The one before the clipboard was a French girl who wanted me to switch energy suppliers (to the supplier I'm with) so No Parlez-Vous would have been a bullet in my foot.
I think the answer is either "I am not the homeowner" or "not today thank you" - or both. Asking "What are you selling?" is pointless because they'll tie themselves in knots to tell you they aren't selling anything. It's either a Free Quote (for windows!) or a survey, with one question: "If you were to have Just One of your windows replaced, which one would it be?" Answer: "The one I don't have to pay for." The training doesn't have an answer to that one.
Reply #1249. Oct 10 11, 4:37 AM
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| tiepolo
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I think the answer is not to open the door at all. I certainly don't unless a visit has been pre-arranged. If you're worried about seeming rude, consider that the peron is, as well, showing up uninvited and interrupting your day.
Lesley, have you considered a simple "non parlo italiano" if open the door you must?
Reply #1250. Oct 10 11, 8:57 AM
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| tiepolo
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Person, not Perón. Santa Evita!
Reply #1251. Oct 10 11, 9:00 AM
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| lesley153
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I certainly have considered that. In fact, I said to Clipboard Boy: "I don't need to tell you any of this. I don't NEED to tell you ANYTHING!" It was at that point that I wondered about the penalty for despatching unsolicited callers in a "no cold calling" area.
He was probably doing what he's been half-trained to do - Dealing With Objections - but I was annoyed with myself for feeling forced to tell him that I didn't owe him anything.
Italiano? Nice idea, but there is a really huge Italian population in and around Bedford! Whatever language I choose is bound to be the language of the cold caller. I think I'll stick with the well-tried Grimace - Groan - Slam.
So I didn't dream it! :D
Reply #1252. Oct 10 11, 9:53 AM
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| lesley153
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Please ignore the last line about dreaming - it's in the wrong place.
Reply #1253. Oct 10 11, 9:54 AM
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george48
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I dreamt last night that i was hugging a former friend
and it felt really good,so much so that i woke up sad and
was sad for a good part of the the morning.
Reply #1254. Oct 10 11, 10:59 AM
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rayven80
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I'm sorry George.
I dreamed that someone was crying on my arm and when I woke up it was raining on me through the window.
Reply #1255. Oct 10 11, 12:22 PM
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| tiepolo
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Il pleure dans mon coeur...
Reply #1256. Oct 10 11, 12:53 PM
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| trojan11
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Porque las arterias estan obstruidas.
Reply #1257. Oct 10 11, 1:18 PM
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| tiepolo
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Si, y se me rompe el corazon.
Reply #1258. Oct 10 11, 1:34 PM
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| trojan11
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Que pena. Quieres algun adhesivo?
Reply #1259. Oct 10 11, 1:45 PM
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| tiepolo
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Muy amable, pero no, gracias. Mi pena no es fisica.
I can't stand to write without the diacriticals!
Reply #1260. Oct 10 11, 1:49 PM
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