Reply #1521. Oct 06 11, 9:46 AM

Reply #1522. Oct 06 11, 1:46 PM

Reply #1523. Oct 06 11, 7:53 PM

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Reply #1527. Oct 06 11, 8:42 PM

Reply #1528. Oct 07 11, 5:46 AM

Reply #1529. Oct 07 11, 7:01 AM

Last night's movie was good, but I was confused about someparts. No more: http://www.commonsensemedia.org/movie-reviews/wizards-waverly-place-movie. “Teenage Alex gives her parents and siblings fits with her rebellious -- and often disrespectful – behavior (she talks back, sneaks out of the house, etc.)” “Alex learns some important lessons about the risks of behaving rashly and disrespectfully.” http://kidstvmovies.about.com/od/wizofwaverlyplacemovie/fr/wizofwmovie.htm. “a surprise twist at the end adds some interest to the otherwise unconvincing and predictable made-for-TV plot line.”

Reply #1530. Oct 07 11, 7:46 AM

Reply #1531. Oct 07 11, 9:01 AM

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Reply #1535. Oct 07 11, 12:39 PM

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Reply #1538. Oct 07 11, 12:44 PM

Looked this up the other night before the TV was hooked up: http://www.allconnect.com/. “Did you know? Since 1998, millions of people have saved on home services using Allconnect to make cost-effective home service connections.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Allconnect. “privately owned services comparison business based in Atlanta, Georgia” “founded by H. Lee Pritchard” http://www.yelp.com/biz/allconnect-atlanta-2. Not exactly the kind of thing you want to read when you’ve signed up for a service through them

Reply #1539. Oct 07 11, 12:46 PM

Did this one yesterday: http://www.ahajokes.com/pennsylvania_jokes.html. - “Pennsylvania Road System Slogans “1. If you can build a better highway, we'd like to see it!” “5. We don't repair roads, we destroy them!” - “You know you're from Pennsylvania if... “You only own three spices: salt, pepper, ketchup.” “You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."” “Your snowblower gets stuck on your roof.” “School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.” “You pronounce "Suite" as SUIT, not SWEET. As in Living Room Suite.” “You think the roads in any other state are smooth.” “The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer. “You know the four seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.” “You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva. “You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.” - “Dumb Pennsylvania Laws” “It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. However up to 120 men can live together, without breaking the law.” “Any motorist driving along a country road at night must stop every mile and send up a rocket signal, wait 10 minutes for the road to be cleared of livestock, and continue. “A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. “You may not sing in the bathtub.” “Fireworks stores may not sell fireworks to Pennsylvania residents. “Any motorist who sights a team of horses coming toward him must pull well off the road, cover his car with a blanket or canvas that blends with the countryside, and let the horses pass. If the horses appear skittish, the motorist must take his car apart, piece by piece, and hide it under the nearest bushes.” “You may not catch a fish by any body part except the mouth.” “Though you do not need a fishing license to fish on your own land, but a hunting license is required to hunt on your own land.” - “Danville n”All fire hydrants must be checked one hour before all fires.” - “Morrisville “It is required that a woman have a permit to wear cosmetics.” - “Ridley Park “You cannot walk backwards eating peanuts in front of the Barnstormers Auditorium during a performance.” http://www.horseshoe.cc/pennadutch/culture/humor/wit.htm. - “POSTMASTER MAKES MISTAKE. - In a Lebanon Valley town a young woman called at the post office and inquired from the postmaster himself: "Iss dere any mail for Pauline?" Checking the general delivery boxes he said: "No, I don't got no mail for Pauline." A few days later she called again, saying - "Haf you got any mail for Pauline today?" Checking again, the P.M. said: "No; ain't got none for Pauline." She didn't give up; she tried the third time- "Say, ain't you got no mail for Pauline?" Again the head man said: "Nope; no mail for Pauline." As she was about to open the door, the postmaster called: "Say, iss your last name Pauline, or what?" .'No," she replied; "my last name.ain't Pauline-it's Schnyter-Pauline Schnyder." "Oh, well, den wait once, he said- "I'm so dumb-, all the time I've been looking in the "P" hole and I should've been looking in the "S" hole," handing over a letter postmarked weeks before.” - “LEARNED SOMETHING. - A Dutch farmer sent his son off to college. On graduation he jumped off the train and ran a few steps to meet his folks standing shyly in the background. His mother said: "John, I'm so proud of you; you're a college graduate now, ain't." "Ya, Mom; I'm one now," said the boy. "Well, I hope you learned A lot in the four long years you was away;" said the father. "Why Pop, you know'd when I went away to college I couldn't say norse' (North) or 'souse' (South); and now I can say 'bose- (both) of them," he replied. “A COW IS A "MAMAL." - There are some excellent essayists among the Pennsylvania Germans: Some develop while quite young. The source of the following essay would be more or less obscure, except for the subject matter and its simple analysis. We haven't learned whether the essay was composed in Snyder, Dauphin, Lebanon, Berks, Schuylkill, Lehigh, Lancaster, Montgomery, York, Northumberland or Centre County, but the kid who wrote it should have received an A plus. Pirds and Peasts. A cow is a mamal. It has six sides, right and left, and upper and lower, and inside and out. At the pack of it it has a tail on which hanks a prush. With this prush he shoes the flies away so that they don't fall in the milk. The head is for to grow horns and so his mouth can be somewhere. The horns are to butt with and the mouth to rnoo with. It has always been that way, I think. And then under the cows hanks milk. It is all fixed nice for the milking. Now when people milk, milk comes and it don't never seem to stop (anyway thats what I think). How the cow does it I have not yet realized, but if you ever get around one you will find it makes more and more all the time. Now about the smell. The cow has a fine sense of smell and you can smell it far away. This is reason why there should be much fresh air in the country. But there isn't so much fresh air now because the city fellows came into the country long ago and pumped a lot of the best air in their automobile tires, so now we all have to get along the best we can. A man cow is called a ox, or a oxen. Oxen is used to plow with, and to haul wagons with. Oxen is mostly a kind of mamel. There is another kind of man cow which is not so good. It is called a bull. Only Pop is better than a bull; I heard Mom says he throws the bull to much. A cow does not eat so very much, but what it eats it eats twice so that it gets enough. It has a couple of stomachs. When it is hungry it moos and when it don't say nothin at all it is because its insides are full up with grass or gas. And that is all about a cow. “" WE DO MEAN "BEAN SOUP." - One of the greatest places of its kind in the world for good old arm style bean soup, is the an Inual affair held in September, at McClure, in west end Snyder County. A ton of beef, more or less, is chopped fine; the same amount of good soup beans, anc; fresh soda crackers make up, with good spring water, the concoction that "tastes so good." From 12 to 20 large irori kettles are constantly on the fire, men with long-handled ..spoons" constantly stirring the soup combination. A bowl of this is appetizing, and you'll often find men going after seconds and thirds, even at war-time prices. However, a Dutchman takes lots of crackers,.breaking them into powder into the rich broth, until there is no moisture left, as con- trasted to the "stylish manner" of lifting the liquid in a very graceful manner to the mouth. A stranger from Lancaster, on hearing us tell of the big time at McClure, asked. "My gosh, do you put crackers in your 'zoup?"' Sure, don't you?" we asked him. "No, sir; never heard of crackers," he volunteered. "Well, what do you put in then, Dutchman?" "Why pretzels, surely!" was his parting shot. “FINANCIER. - There was a retired farmer in an up-State Dutch county, who borrowed money from the bank at 6% and loaned it out again to others at 3%. He claimed he was making money! He was probably as much confused as you are when you try to figure out the following transaction: If you had $50 in the bank and withdrew it as follows: $20 leaving $30 15 " 15 9 " 6 6 " 0 $50 $51 -Where does the extra dollar come from? “BOTH GOOD FIRMS. - A Dutch salesman working Lancaster County, was introduced to a farmer near New Holland. Said the farmer to the salesman: "For who do you work?" "Why, I work for cheeses," replied the salesman. "Oh, you work for Christ Jesus," queried the farmer. "No, no-I work for Kraft cheeses," corrected the salesman.” - “ALWAYS DIFFERENT IN NEW YORK. - Personnel attached to a well-known New York theatrical firm were visitors in Allentown, Reading, Lancaster and Harrisburg. Near the city of Lancaster one of the pretty young "things" from New York noticed a broad-brimmed, bearded man making his way along the highway. Said she to the driver, a former newspaperman who knew his Pennsylvania Dutch, and with whom she was sitting: "What kind of a man is he?" "Why he is a Mennonite," replied the driver. "What is a Mennonite?" she went on. "Well," said the driver; "they are a sect or kind of people that wear broad-brimmed hats, sometimes big beards, and they wear broad-fall pants." "Broad-fall pants; what are they; I never heard of any- thing like that," continued the Miss from New York. "Broad-falls are trousers without the usual fly in the front," replied the driver. "Oh gee," she countered; you say they call them Mennonites here in Pennsylvania-why over in New York we call them 'morphadites' (hermaphrodites)!"” - “SLIGHT UNDERSTANDING. - Two Dutchmen were sitting in a bus station in Lancaster County. Both had been there for nearly two hours, but neither spoke in all this time. One of them, on seeing the bus approaching, arose slowly from his seat, and placing his hands on his hips, said, with a note of pain in his voice, to the other: "I am suffering from arthritis." Why now, I'm right glad to meet you," replied the other-, "I m Stultzfuss, from New Holland."” - “UNPLEASANTNESS IN JAIL. - A woman from a larger city, arrested, tried and sentenced to jail for 30 days in a Dutch county city, called to the jailer on the morning following her imprisonment. "Say, how long did the judge say I am to be kept here?" she asked her keeper. "Thirty days," replied the host. "Thirty days; hell-then I want some kotex if I have to be here that long," uttered the newcomer. "Nothing doing, lady; you'll have shredded wheat like all the rest of them-no favorites here," said the unaccommodating Dutchman.” - “UNDIPLOMATIC; UNETHICAL; UNREASONABLE. Too often parents and nurses "beat about the bush" too much in explaining things about life and nature, to the inquiring youngster. In one such instance the nipples on a sow were called "buttons." Subsequently a youngster who didn't know better, seeing a litter of pigs at lunch, said- "Oh, gee, gosh, mother; the little pigs are biting the buttons off the big pig!"” - “CLEANLINESS REQUESTED. - In a toilet on the women's side of the "house," in an eating place along route 30 in Lancaster County, this notice, on the inside of the door facing the frequenter, has been called to our attention. PLEASE BE SEATED DURING THE WHOLE PERFORMANCE” - “SO SWEET AND INNOCENT. - At a Harrisburg market stall there was some apple-butter on sale. Having purchased some of it in the morning, a woman tried it that noon; after lunch she decided to go back to make another goodsized purchase of more of this same apple-butter. A small girl was in charge of the stand at the time, to whom the customer remarked that she had purchased some there in the morning, and that it was so good she wanted more of it. The little girl, honest and very sweet of face, after receiving the purchase price, said.- "Thank you; you know we wouldn't have 'brung' no apple-butter to market, but a rat fell in the crock, and Mom said 'We'll just take it to market and sell it!'"”

Reply #1540. Oct 07 11, 12:48 PM