I didn't mean you, Creedy. Looking back at the post, I can see that it looks like I meant it for you, but I didn't. |
Reply #121. Apr 14 12, 1:11 AM
You can't mean me since I didn't insult anybody who didn't insult me first. |
Reply #122. Apr 14 12, 1:41 AM
Sorry, I didn't realise hag was a compliment. |
Reply #123. Apr 14 12, 1:46 AM
Dill is not a contemptuous word when used here. More like a sigh of exasperation. Truly.|
Reply #125. Apr 14 12, 3:48 AM
No worries, Mother Goose. Thank you :)|
Reply #126. Apr 14 12, 3:48 AM
Daver has already had one blog deleted because of provocative statements; it would be a shame to see this one disappear as well.|
Reply #127. Apr 14 12, 6:01 AM
C'mon now girls, it was just a bit of fun. Lighten up and give those egos a rest.|
Reply #128. Apr 14 12, 6:31 AM
A "Living Together" cheat sheet.|
A guide to make the transition from bachelor to Significant-Other a smooth affair.
(anonymous from: 220.127.116.11)
1. Put the seat back down when you're done.
2. Never hog the blankets.
3. Don't drink straight from the carton. it's rude (apparently).
4. Roll from the bottom, not squeeze from the middle.
5. Turn your own socks right-side-out if you want them washed that way.
6. Flatulence does nothing for ‘the mood’.
7. Don't clip your toenails in bed.
8. Use your own toothbrush.
9. Reds are considered darks, not lights.
10. No cameras in the bathroom.
11. Never belch and pretend that it was a hiccup.
12. Never drink all of the OJ 'cept for a few drops and put the pitcher back in the fridge.
13. Don't expect a kiss if you ate garlic for lunch.
14. Never sit around in underwear only.
15. Don't use the last of the TP and then pretend you didn't notice. the same goes for Kleenex, don't leave an empty box sitting there.
16. Don't pick your earwigs at the table, and Jesus, don't smell your finger afterwards either.
17. Discourage the 'there's still some left' game with the shower soap, go get a new bar when it gets low.
Reply #129. Apr 14 12, 6:39 AM
Gracious, they all sound like my ex! |
Except for the toenails in bed. He used to cut them in the lounge room instead. They flew around the place like ballistic missiles. I have a feeling one of them decapitated the neighbour's cat.
Reply #130. Apr 14 12, 6:48 AM
Although some of the ladies here were simply trying to be funny (I mean aside from some "ad hominem" comments), I suspect that Anton may have been trying to say something along the lines of "honesty is always the best policy". Although no female wants to be viewed as easy prey, playing "hard to get" has its own set of problems:|
a) Let's pretend you REALLY dislike a guy who seems to be pursuing you (and in which case dumping buckets of ice water might SEEM like a good idea). Unfortunately there are SOME members of the male side who might view this as a "challenge" (as in, if she goes to this much trouble, she must really be trying to get my attention). For the woman this will just end up as a lose-lose situation. If you really don't want the attentions of a specific person, don't resort to kindergarten antics. JusT SAY so and then do not EVER have any communication with them again. Unless they're a serial killer, even the very daft ones will eventually take the very blunt hint and move on lol.
b) Let's pretend you REALLY like the guy, but decide to carry on the "hard to get" game far too long. The majority of men will, at some point, "give up" (not to mention that continued acts like dumping ice water will only lead to dates in COURT lol). And then the woman has lost someone she might really have cared about.
Trix are for kids, folks. Adults use words and honest discussion.
Baron Batty: That's an excellent list. It's hardly ever the "big" issues that undo relationships, it's often the one thousand nitpicky ones that drive people crazy in the end lol. And women are just as guilty and should abide to most of those as well. A couple of points though:
"13. Don't expect a kiss if you ate garlic for lunch"
The best rule here would be to accompany your significant other to a garlic-infused dinner. Neither of you will notice. And, aside from garlic's antibiotic properties, it has long been considered an aphrodisiac lol
"14. Never sit around in underwear only"
Oh I don't know ... I'm pretty sure it would take me several decades to be bored by Hugh Jackman lounging about in my house sans tuxedo (or hat) LOL
Reply #131. Apr 14 12, 12:28 PM
Yes, that is exactly hat I was trying to say, but you forgot the third part. If you are liking someone but are not ready for something serious, let the other person know. |
And for the record? Dumping cold water on someone can potentially be life threatening. Hypothermia can kill. So, if there is someone here or someone there who decides it is a good idea to douse him, be prepared for what might happen afterwards.
Reply #132. Apr 14 12, 1:04 PM
|Topic of the Day: Female Ire|
"Heaven has no rage like like love to hatred turned,
Nor Hell a fury like a woman scorned."
These words were written by the English playwright, William Congreve, and I have an idea that he was speaking from experience. He was a life-long bachelor, but had numerous affairs with the leading actresses of his day, and is said to have fathered a child with the Duchess of Marlborough. The name of his first play was "The Old Bachelor." It was not about me.
As useful as his insights are, Congreve might have been more accurate had he said, "Hell hath no fury like a woman even mildly ticked off."
Young men are often confused by how quickly the object of their desire can metamorphosize from a cute, cuddly snuggle-bunny into a vicious harridan. Having oftentimes been the object of feminine wrath, I will attempt to throw some light upon this subject.
These traits will seldom evidence themselves at the start of a relationship. The wily female will use sweetness and light as the bait to lure you into her trap; once she believes she has established a claim upon you, however, all bets are off. It is no coincidence that the fiercest creatures of mythology - the Harpies, the Furies, Medusa - were all female.
When another man is mad at you, you will know it, and you will know why. He will tell why he is mad, and maybe punch you in the nose. No problem there.
With women it is an entirely different matter. You may sense that something is amiss, but not know what it is. You may not even realize that she is miffed until her anger has reached the boiling point. And you will seldom know exactly what it is that you have done to make her angry, because she won't tell you. This is because (from the male point of view) you haven't done anything.
One of the easiest ways to incense your significant other is to fail to notice some almost imperceptible change in her appearance. Woe to the man who fails to notice and compliment: new shoes, new dress, new belt, new tattoo, new manicure, new lipstick, new hairdo (that's a biggie), new eye-liner, etc. A woman can fume for days, weeks, or even months because you fail to rave about her new pedicure, even though she is wearing shoes.
Another way to bring trouble into your life is to display any awareness of other women. I was once having lunch with my girlfriend at an outdoor cafe, when a girl of magnificent proportions sauntered past. I couldn't help myself. I looked. My girlfriend said nothing. But about three weeks later she grumbled, "I saw you looking at that ____." Trust me, this is typical female behavior. In the presence of your girlfriend, you must never, ever by word, thought or deed, acknowledge the existence of other desirable females on this, or any other, planet. If you are watching TV and Heidi Klum appears in a Victoria's Secret commercial, and your girlfriend asks, "I guess you think she's hot," you must answer "not really." At the very most, you can say "She's okay," but this must be rapidly followed by "She's not really my type." And, above all, you must not drool.
One of the most maddening things about women is that when they are mad, they will not admit they are mad. If you sense something is wrong and ask "Are you okay?" she will -invariably - answer, "I'm fine." And if you ask, "What's wrong?" she will reply, "Nothing." She will say these things with clenched teeth and daggers in her eyes. There is nothing you can do. You are in for it.
Women will usually retaliate for your perceived misdeeds by employing a form of psychological warfare. They will pout, sulk, or give you the silent treatment. You will find that your toast is burnt, and her period suddenly lasts 45 days. Occasionally, however, they will turn violent.
It is a universal law that a man must never hit a woman, no matter what the provocation. This law, like all such laws, was probably devised by women. The have no qualms about hitting us - or worse. Remember John Wayne Bobbitt? Actually, they seldom hit, they slap. I, myself, have been slapped innumerable times, and usually have given little or no offense. For example, I have been slapped for doing something as harmless as running my hand up a girl's thigh to see if she was ticklish, or checking to see if her bra was fitted properly. Now, I ask you, is this fair? I have never slapped a girl for running her hand up MY thigh, and have always displyed the greatest appreciation towards any woman who has shown an interest in my undergarments.
As with most of these topics, this discussion could continue ad infinitum. But I strive to be brief. I have one final word of advice young men, unversed in the ways of the fairer sex. Before dating a woman, check her hands. If her fingernails are more than a quarter of an inch long, run for the hills. Her nails may look harmless, but they can be as deadly as the claws of a leopard. My left arm still bears the marks of a gal who sank her talons into my forearm to the depth of about two inches. I guess there are some things you should never ask a woman on the first date.
Reply #133. Apr 14 12, 5:22 PM
I have been slapped for doing something as harmless as running my hand up a girl's thigh to see if she was ticklish, or checking to see if her bra was fitted properly. Now, I ask you, is this fair? I have never slapped a girl for running her hand up MY thigh, and have always displyed the greatest appreciation towards any woman who has shown an interest in my undergarments.|
I loved it, hahaha
Reply #134. Apr 14 12, 7:58 PM
Brilliant, Daver! I've done' em all. Well except the slapping and scratching. We're civilised in this country. We tip buckets of cold water on 'em instead. It's an excellent means by which to induce hypothermia.|
The men secretly pretend they don't like it, but truly, I'm just doing them a favour. Our summers are so hot you see.
Lorena Bobbitt of course is my heroine. I've started a fan club for her in Australia. So brave, so imaginative, such a good aim. And she tossed it into a field as well - that indicates a woman who is fond of gardening and believes in fertilising and recycling.
I've got a lovely garden here myself...
They say it was found after an exhaustive search (I should imagine most of all by its owner) - and packed in ice and eventually reattached.
Packed in ice? But surely not. Wouldn't that cause hypothermia?
One more thing. Daver, do you know if there's any truth to the rumour that it was sewn back on facing in the wrong direction?
Reply #135. Apr 14 12, 9:55 PM
Superb writing, Daver. You've learned much from your female friends, and it shows.
Reply #136. Apr 14 12, 10:43 PM
|Haven't learned too much. Was just channel surfing and came across a movie featuring a scantily clad Diora Baird. I was seized by an impulse to repeat all the mistakes of my youth. Several times.|
Reply #137. Apr 14 12, 10:54 PM
Creedy! You're diabolical LOL|
Reply #138. Apr 14 12, 11:36 PM
Lorena Bobbitt brave? If she had any guts at all, she would try something like that when he was awake. Bravery? lol|
Lorena Bobbitt imaginative? Oh please. Many women have entertained the idea of castrating a male since that is the only "power" a woman thinks she has over a man.
Lorena Bobbitt might have good aim. Don't know really. But, she sure has no brains. She tossed the evidence. She didn't even try to get rid of the evidence.
To recap. This broad has no spine and no brains. Really makes me wonder what kind of woman considers her some sort of role model.
Reply #139. Apr 14 12, 11:56 PM
I confess Daver, I hadn't heard of Diora Baird. I was surprised at what Google revealed. "Night of the Topless Demons" would, I'm guessing, be one cinema's great moments.
It's always good to learn something new.
Reply #140. Apr 15 12, 12:22 AM
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