That includes you too, C30 :)|
Reply #221. Apr 17 12, 12:42 AM
Careful Creedy, I think you might be challenging an expert LOL|
Reply #222. Apr 17 12, 1:26 AM
Expert? Not me Chief!|
Reply #223. Apr 17 12, 2:05 AM
I know when I'm on a hiding to nothing! Lol|
Reply #224. Apr 17 12, 2:06 AM
Very Modest, but we ladies are a wake up. LOL|
Reply #225. Apr 17 12, 2:11 AM
we'll be gentle, C30 I promise :)|
I wonder what diabolical requirements we can expert from Guru Dave.
My number one requirement in anyone (if you could punch it in and produce someone as in "Weird Science") streaks ahead of the rest, would be a sense of humour. How awful would it be to be with someone who never chuckled?
Reply #226. Apr 17 12, 5:26 AM
OK, I'll brave the top 10 challenge.... my wishlist for the fairer sex (does that mean men are unfair??)|
1/ Agree totally with Creedy - a shared sense of humour is absolutely essential and definitely my #1 criterion
2/ A smile that lights up the eyes, especially when directed towards me!
3/ A fierce loyalty to her mate (me) (and family if there are kids)
4/ A sense of justice and outrage (and willingness to act thereupon)
5/ Serious care in their physical appearance but definitely not fanatical narcissism
6/ Some shared opinions and views (with me)
7/ Some different opinions on some things - but not on overall political views or attitude towards religious matters
8/ Interest in current affairs, physical activities and sport (e.g. camping, bike riding, not necessarily football or cricket)
9/ Retention of her old friends and embracing of my close friends - building up mutual friendships
10/ Willingness to explore new ideas and to travel
(11/ willingness to put up with my appalling dress sense and to assist in my shedding of the worst aspects of this)
This list is written from the perspective of a married, middle-aged male! It's also a list for a longer term relationship. When I was younger and single then other priorities did make the list :-) !!
Reply #227. Apr 17 12, 5:51 AM
Wow, Mike they're excellent!|
I was going to be somewhat facetious with mine - and maybe I still will - can't resist - so I'll have to create two lists instead :)
I love your list. It's just perfect.
Reply #228. Apr 17 12, 6:27 AM
Might I just add:|
12. Do not flush your tampon down the lavatory bowl.
13. Do not paint your toe nails in the living room, it
makes the place smell like a garage.
14. Do not leave menstrual stains on the sheets and pretend
they aren't there.
15. Silent farts are the deadliest and women are expert.
Therefore, please stand by an open window, or leave
the room before releasing said wind. And for heavens
sake stop getting angry and insisting that it wasn't
16. Do not use my razors for shaving your legs, armpits,
17. Don't bother asking how you look. There is only one
that you want to hear.
Not exhaustive, by any means, but a start.
Reply #229. Apr 17 12, 6:47 AM
There are always some in our midst, ready willing and able to lower the tone to the gutter.........Trojan I don't consider that was called for.|
Reply #230. Apr 17 12, 6:59 AM
Alright, I've been nice (and actually honest) but here are a few more:|
12: Never throw out my clothes without asking. There WILL be a day when those Miller Shirts, denim vest and black tee-shirts will come back into style. And even if they don't I like wearing them (well, not the Miller shirts)
13: We CAN listen to two or three things at the one time. The TV, the cricket on the radio and a YouTube clip simultaneously? EASY!!
14: Mess is mess. If it's yours, it's equally fair that this gets thrown out (or stuck in the back cupboard) as mine...
15: Football IS therapeutic and as artistically valid as ballet and opera
16: We can navigate. We do not ask for directions. EVER.
Reply #231. Apr 17 12, 7:04 AM
Why, C30, do you consider simple facts of life to be "the gutter." Time to come out of your little fish bowl.|
Reply #232. Apr 17 12, 7:06 AM
What on earth are you feeding that woman, trojan11?
If 15. persists, wouldn't 13. be useful?
Reply #233. Apr 17 12, 7:08 AM
Sounds good. Is that first hand experience?|
Reply #234. Apr 17 12, 7:29 AM
First of all I would say, male or female, we are all PEOPLE, and as such, no two people have the same likes, dislikes, needs and preferences.|
This is further compounded by the somewhat obvious difference creating further problems, as nobody can experience what it is like to be the opposite sex......sympathise "yes", experience "no". Thus making it difficult to understand what we can never experience.
However, as human being we do have common ground:-
I call it "The C's"........which when I mentioned it many moons ago to by beloved wife, she thought I said "disease", which was her "Northern" ears mistaking my East Anglian accent!
1. COMMUNICATION (Few,if any,are psychic,we need to TALK)
2. CARING (Genuinely CARE about the other person)
3. CONSIDERATION (Always consider their view)
4. COMPANIONSHIP (Enjoy each other's company, not always be together or do same things, as we all differ in what we like, but just enjoy their presence)
5. CONFIDENCE (Have confidence in each other, do not belittle their honest efforts - remember none of us can guarantee success in any undertaking)
6. CONFEDERATION (You are two people joined as an "Item", you are NOT merged into a single unit - both are still individuals)
7. CONSEQUENCES (Remember "think first, act second")
8. COMMAND (It should always be "Will you"?, not "You will")
9. CONTROL (Either, or both, can "control" any aspect of day to day life, it doesn't have to be "man's job", or "woman's job" - whichever is best able to do it.
10.............and finally...........CUDDLES (Don't be afraid to show emotional feelings).
Maybe not what a man wants from a woman, maybe what BOTH need to succeed as a "unit".
Reply #235. Apr 17 12, 7:31 AM
Really good, C30. I like this a lot!|
Reply #236. Apr 17 12, 8:27 AM
1. Sense of humour. Must also be prepared for me to laugh at him and vice versa
2. Intelligent, enquiring mind, love learning for its own sake. Open-minded to new findings or ideas
3. Kindness to the frail, weak and vulnerable, and willingness to defend same against those who prey on them
4. Calmness (I'm anything but)
5. A lover of oceans, hills, outdoors, trees, birds, bees, butterflies, storms and really strong breezes
7. Logical (I'm not)
8. Involved with and besotted by his children
9. I suppose he should be besotted by me as well, but not suffocatingly so, ugh. No, besotted would drive me nuts. Comfortable and happy with me, that'll do. Must be faithful of course. Otherwise I'll bash him up or tip a bucket of cold water over him, hehehe.
10. Reasonably fit but not to the point of obsession, or shaving all the hair from his body or wearing tights and a head band etc - oh erk, erk, erk. Play a sport for fitness and enjoyment'll do
Even More Serious List:
1. Must not have a huge, wobbly beer gut
2. Must have a hairy chest, but not on shoulders or back
3. Must not want to wear my underwear
4. Must never, under any circumstances, watch or play football
5. Must not wear thongs (flip-flops) with a tuxedo
6. Must not discuss bodily functions - ever. That’s gross
7. Must not bore me for hours on end about political opinions unless I have insomnia and need a cure for it
8. Must endure my cooking. Otherwise do it yourself, you lazy sod
9. Must not cut his toenails in my sight and must always remove evidence of same
10. Must not tell dirty jokes or make offensive remarks about women - unless he's feeling suicidal, in which case will be happily assisted
Reply #237. Apr 17 12, 9:13 AM
Creedy............like most males, I would pass some of your list with flying colours, and fail miserably with others! Lol|
Strange things "work" you know..............by that, take my wife (not literally, I happen to love and want her myself), she and I are "chalk and cheese", "Oil and water", "Sagittarius (me) & Gemini".........you name it - we're direct opposites! Yet it works! With previous serious relationships, whilst in theory we shared many things in common, they failed. It will take abetter man that I am Ghunga Din, to work out "why".......my previous long-winded post on "C's" refers, and is probably the answer to "why and how" what ought not work, does.
Reply #238. Apr 17 12, 10:22 AM
I hope you bachelors are paying attention to the wise remarks of the happily married men.|
These are also strong survival tips :)
Reply #239. Apr 17 12, 11:11 AM
|Topic of the Day: Entertainment|
Somewhere there exists the perfect girlfiend: she is pretty, tall and curvy, with an overactive libido. She loves to cook, clean, and do housework. Her idea of a perfect evening is to sit beside you on the couch watching football (she hates golf and tennis), just waiting for a commercial break, so she can scurry off to the kitchen to fetch you an ice-cold beer.
The place this woman exists is called the imagination.
In the real world, things are different. There are something like three billion women in the world; considering the amount of competition out there, you would think a woman would be grateful just to have a man, any man. But no. They demand to be entertained. I know what you are thinking, but it's not that kind of entertainment.
As the immortal Al Bundy once observed, "To women, men are just amusement park rides with paychecks." And she will find ways to spend your paycheck that will leave you in shock and disbelief. Somehow during the course of Western Civilization, the custom has evolved that men pay for everything. Again, I see the hand of the Sisterhood at work.
Her major demand will be that you take her out to eat, probably at least once a week. This is silly on the face of it, since one of a woman's main functions is to cook for her man, but they will insist upon it. When you begin dating, she may be satisfied with a trip to McDonald's or Wendy's, but as her hooks sink deeper into your hapless carcass, her demands will increase. No more McDonald's; she will want to go somewhere "nice." This involves getting dressed up (see Clothing), and you will soon learn that her idea of "nice" and yours seldom correspond.
If you live in a small town, consider yourself blessed. Her scope for mischief may limited to dragging you off to the Olive Garden or Red Lobster. This may be expensive, but at least you can find something decent to eat at these places. If you live in a large city, your fate will be much worse.
When I lived in Chicago, my girlfriend would demand to be taken out almost every weekend. She would confer with her co-conspirators (i.e., her girlfriends) and select the latest trendy spot to be wined and dined. This might prove to be a French bistro with a staff of kilt-wearing gay waiters serving up platters of snails and pig's feet, or an "authentic" Cambodian grill featuring Fricassee of Sea Cucumber and Salamander Ragout. I could never find anything to eat in these places, but she would chow down like an Ethiopian refugee. As a rule of thumb, women will eat anything if it's expensive enough.
Periodically, your partner will decide that you are lacking in culture and refinement and decide to raise your moral tone a few notches. This form of torture, one of the few not condemned by the United Nations and Amnesty International, can take many forms. She may drag you off to the movies and force you to sit through films like "The Draughtsman's Contract," "Beaches," or "The English Patient." Or to the theatre to see "Cats" or "Les Mis." Or to the museum, to view the latest retrospective of the works of Robert Mapplethorpe. If they had let women run the detention center at Guantanamo Bay, they wouldn't have had to use water boarding; after a steady diet of Risotto Con Funghi and Merchant-Ivory movies, the Taliban would have confessed long before now.
If you are a normal man, your idea of a pleasant outing probably involves a sporting event, preferably one involving at least the chance of bloodshed. I do not recommend even broaching this as an option to your girlfriend. I once suggested to my squeeze that we should go to the fights to see Quick Tillis pound some palooka into a bloody pulp. She was not amused. The only sports that women seem interested in are those where androgynous men run around wearing little white shorts, like tennis and soccer. I also tried to lure her to the race track, pointing out that the Queen regularly attends the races at Ascot. She said it wasn't the same thing. Hawthorne Park doesn't serve strawberries and cream, and the women don't wear hats.
Again, this topic has not been exhausted, but the painful memories conjured up by writing about it have left me exhausted. I realize that I haven't even mentioned art fairs, charity auctions, Zamfir concerts, or High Tea. Some experiences are just too painful to discuss. But I do want to leave you with a ray of hope. My girlfriend and I did find one activity we could both enjoy: wine tastings. Try to get her drunk, and she may forget about the "Save the Baby Seals Rally."
Reply #240. Apr 17 12, 11:42 AM
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