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Topic: Advice For Bachelors
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Posted by: daver852

Subject: Advice For Bachelors
Date: Apr 06 12

This my second attempt at starting a blog. My first was less than successful, as it was deleted after one day, which may be a record. This time I will avoid anything even remotely political.

Note: this is a blog directed towards men. Women are are welcome to read it, of course, but my audience is intended to be those fortunate men who, like myself, have avoided the snare of matrimony.

My inspiration for this blog is the fact that I have of late been suffering from a potentially life-threatening disease called "the common cold." During my convalescence I have been re-reading P.J. O'Rourke's essential tome, "The Bachelor Home Companion." If you are male, unmarried, and over 18, you need to own this book. It contains sound advice on many subjects. It occured to me, however, that it was last revised nearly 20 years ago, so it is somwhat dated, and some important topics are not covered at all.

I cannot begin to match Mr. O'Rourke's profound wisdom, nor the scope of his endevour. But I hope that I can offer some advice that will prove useful to the unmarried 21st century male.

Note again: as I am (by the grace of God) an American, many of my topics will be USA specific. If you are living in New Zealand, for instance, and seek advice on sheep herding, I am afraid my insights will prove to be of little use to you. Since many aspects of the unfettered joys of bachelorhood are universal, however, it is my hope that all may benefit to some degree.



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374 replies. On page 18 of 19 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
AntonLaVey Delusional as usual, you are Creedy. I'm not upset. Not even close. Also as usual, you like to play only one side of things. You and your little friends around here love to take shots at men, but can not take it when someone takes shots at women. Or maybe it is just me that you can't handle. If that is the case, then I suggest you get off your cloud when it comes to me. You want to look down on me? You want to pretend like you have me figured out? Go ahead. Ignorance knows no colors, creeds, or genders.

Reply #341. Apr 22 12, 1:03 AM

Mommakat

Come to that, I don't recall inviting you to respond. If you do then if someone else responds likewise it seems you can't take it, so I suggest you take your toys etc. and toddle off and vent your spite elsewhere.

Reply #342. Apr 22 12, 1:12 AM

AntonLaVey I don't recall you being God of anything. I'll respond where I want, when I want. How does that sound?

Reply #343. Apr 22 12, 1:17 AM

C30 Sounds like the jibes of a spoiled brat to me. "I'll do what I want, so there", sticking tongue out and throwing toys on ground!

Reply #344. Apr 22 12, 1:29 AM

AntonLaVey Nope. I just don't take lip from anybody.

Reply #345. Apr 22 12, 1:31 AM

Mommakat

Can you picture it as a child sitting on the back steps pulling wings off butterflies. Thankd you C30 for your intelligent comments.

Reply #346. Apr 22 12, 1:33 AM

AntonLaVey Better watch out when it rains, Mommakat. You might drown.

Reply #347. Apr 22 12, 1:44 AM

Mommakat

How is April these days, does she still find you a problem?

Reply #348. Apr 22 12, 1:49 AM

Creedy

Anton...dear...I wouldn't dream of trying to pretend I have you figured out. That's a job for a psychiatrist.

Nor would I want to figure you to begin with...sweety pie. I actually can't think of anything less appealing.

Wherever did you get that idea from, you funny little girl?

Reply #349. Apr 22 12, 1:52 AM

AntonLaVey Not as much as March does.

Reply #350. Apr 22 12, 1:52 AM

AntonLaVey "Wherever did you get that idea from, you funny little girl?"

Reply #340, nana. Did you fail to take your medicine again?

Reply #351. Apr 22 12, 1:57 AM

Creedy

You're a doctor now as well as a fortune teller? Goodness me, diddums, you really are in a bad way.

Was your Daddy somebody important too? Of course he was. And Mummy fed you till - what age - thirteen?

Now, what sort of medicine would you like me to take? I promise I will - right after you've had your pills. Open wide now - lithium carbonate coming right up.

Reply #352. Apr 22 12, 2:08 AM

playmate1111

*Tears streaming down face* What a wind up hahahaha! :D

Reply #353. Apr 22 12, 2:21 AM

Creedy

Lol Playmate!

Reply #354. Apr 22 12, 2:29 AM

daver852

Creedy, I don't think you are going to get rid of men via science, because a man would have to invent the process. The only things I can think of that were invented by women are the brassiere, disposable diapers, and Liquid Paper. It is more likely we men will do away with women. Did you ever see "The Stepford Wives?" I think they were on to something.

Reply #355. Apr 22 12, 5:32 AM

Creedy

Re: "Creedy, I don't think you are going to get rid of men via science, because a man would have to invent the process"

But Daver, the process is already under way. It was invented by - drum roll - MOTHER Nature.

And bless you, I don't want to get rid of men. Perish the thought. I wouldn't have anyone to make fun of.

Re: "The only things I can think of that were invented by women are the brassiere, disposable diapers, and Liquid Paper."

I have it on good authority that liquid was invented by a woman to enable men to cover up all their spelling mistakes.

Disposable diapers were invented because the women grew tired of changing the men's cloth ones.

Brassieres were invented because women grew tired of carrying handbags.

I have a huge list here of various other inventions by women (those who weren't stolen from them by men ie) but the list is pages long and won't fit.

Re: "It is more likely we men will do away with women."

That's been tried already a million times.

Re: "Did you ever see "The Stepford Wives?"

Yes indeed, it was a fascinating journey into the psyche of the American male.

Reply #356. Apr 22 12, 6:01 AM

trojan11 A Brief History & a glance into the future.

Long ago, males walked the earth and hunted for food. They were pastoral folk and moved from place to place. With them were creatures known as females. These females did not hunt, in fact did not do much of anything. The female needed food in order to survive. However, she was just too lazy, too stupid or too physically inept to survive on her own. The male was not keen on sharing his hard gained food with any other, unless they had contributed to the hunt. He did, 'tho, ensure that the children received an adequate share. The females, themselves big and hairy, were, by and large, left the scraps. Observing the way that the more powerful male shared his food with the children, the female hit upon a cunning ruse. She plucked the hair from her face and body, and began immitating the mannerisms and gestures of children; fluttering eyes, silly walks and simpering vocal sounds. Thus a system was born that has endured to this day.
Later, males discovered how to build houses and laboured to create an environment that would protect him from the elements. The female made no contribution to this labour, but lived in the house built by the male.
Man created many systems for the betterment of mankind: horticulture, agriculture, sewerage systems, medicine, and many other things. Women contributed nothing.....but they did find a way of painting their faces, in order to make themselves look cute and harmless.
Man created many imperfect systems of government. As usual, women did nothing and did not contribute. They did, however, make a lot of noise and insist upon being part of it all, without ever having any abilty to change anything for the better.
This pattern continued. Theatre, art, literature, all created by man - and women 'insisted' upon being a part of it. Cars, industry, all the things that women have and insist upon, all created by man, with women benefiting by his work and genius.
All this time, the female contributed just one thing: noise and bitterness disguised by false smiles from painted lips.

One day, in the future, the women sat staring up at a dying sun. Only one tenth of its surface now emitted a glow. With the death of the sun would come the death of the planet. The knowledge of the forthcoming disaster registered in the dull minds of a few, but they were incapable of grasping the true meaning. They waited to be saved. But the men had evolved and gone, leaving them, so to speak, to sort it out for themselves.

Reply #357. Apr 22 12, 8:26 AM

Creedy

And they all lived fairily ever after

Now children - the entire thirteen of you - most of which were born by Caesarian section - don't bother to wait up to say goodnight to your hard-working, noble father. He's blowing his pay packet at the pub.

I'll help you with your homework, do the cooking, feed you, bath you, do the washing up, do the laundry, do the ironing, do the vacuuming, do the cleaning, sew some of your clothes, entertain his mother - whom he's forgotten to visit for several months - finish off my uni assignments, make the lunches for tomorrow, organise your visits to the dentist, doctor, organise the trips to all your sports events, change the flat tyre on the old family car, water the garden, wash the windows, feed the animals, mow the lawn, take out the garbage (no little Sammy, I didn't mean Daddy), organise a dinner party for the business men Daddy's trying to impress, get my clothes ready for my daytime job which helps pay most of the bills - and, if I have time, do the rest of the jobs before bracing myself for the mug when he staggers through the door and tells me he's had a hard day because his secretary had the nerve to be sick.

Oh look children, the sun is dying. Who gives a continental. The idiots didn't evolve and leave after all.

Reply #358. Apr 22 12, 9:25 AM

honeybee4 I hear you Creedy!

Reply #359. Apr 22 12, 9:43 AM

daver852

Don't forget to have my martini ready :)

Reply #360. Apr 22 12, 12:00 PM

This thread has been closed to new replies.
374 replies. On page 18 of 19 page(s). 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

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