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Topic: Advice For Bachelors
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Posted by: daver852

Subject: Advice For Bachelors
Date: Apr 06 12

This my second attempt at starting a blog. My first was less than successful, as it was deleted after one day, which may be a record. This time I will avoid anything even remotely political.

Note: this is a blog directed towards men. Women are are welcome to read it, of course, but my audience is intended to be those fortunate men who, like myself, have avoided the snare of matrimony.

My inspiration for this blog is the fact that I have of late been suffering from a potentially life-threatening disease called "the common cold." During my convalescence I have been re-reading P.J. O'Rourke's essential tome, "The Bachelor Home Companion." If you are male, unmarried, and over 18, you need to own this book. It contains sound advice on many subjects. It occured to me, however, that it was last revised nearly 20 years ago, so it is somwhat dated, and some important topics are not covered at all.

I cannot begin to match Mr. O'Rourke's profound wisdom, nor the scope of his endevour. But I hope that I can offer some advice that will prove useful to the unmarried 21st century male.

Note again: as I am (by the grace of God) an American, many of my topics will be USA specific. If you are living in New Zealand, for instance, and seek advice on sheep herding, I am afraid my insights will prove to be of little use to you. Since many aspects of the unfettered joys of bachelorhood are universal, however, it is my hope that all may benefit to some degree.



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374 replies. On page 3 of 19 pages. 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19
tezza1551

My late husband's bachelor method of dishwashing was to put the dishes in a bucket,add detergent, place the bucket under the shower and go to the pub for an hour.
This was about 45 years ago, when no one ever thought of water shortages !

Reply #41. Apr 10 12, 11:17 PM

tezza1551

My first husband's bachelor method of dishwashing was as follows:
Place dishes in bucket, add detergent.
Place bucket under running shower and go to pub for one hour (minimum).
Return, turn off shower & drain water from bucket.
Place bucket on kitchen table and remove dishes as needed.
Obviously no water restrictions in those days !

Reply #42. Apr 10 12, 11:21 PM

tezza1551

Couldn't find my first post.. so posted again !
Sorry !

Reply #43. Apr 10 12, 11:22 PM

Mommakat

Good for you Creedy. But enlighten me as to how you got away with it. I've thought of lots of ways but there is always a flaw in every plan LOL

Reply #44. Apr 10 12, 11:52 PM

tezza1551

Yes, I'd like to know too !!

Reply #45. Apr 11 12, 12:08 AM

Blackdresss

My former roomate (one m or two?) and/or tennant, who lived on the second floor of my completely adorable little Victorian house in Montana, did his dishes once a week, whether he needed to or not, by placing ALL of them in his bathtub, adding liquid detergent of some kind, and going after that soggy, bubbly mess with a toilet brush. Once he was certain he had probably and potentially given all of them a good scrubbing, he emptied the tub and rinsed them by adding another tubful of water. And... voila! Done! I want to believe he only used this particular toilet brush for his dishes, but I have no facts to back this up.

Needless to say, while I invited him, or he invited himself for dinner twice a week, depending on the delicious aromas lofting up the staircase from my domicile, I never, EVER ate anything in his also adorable apartment on the second floor.

Hip hip for bachelorhood! I give it an enthusiastic two thumbs wayyy up!

Reply #46. Apr 11 12, 12:41 AM

Blackdresss

P.S.

I love P.J. O'Rourke!

And if you want to know anything about sheep or sheepherders, I'm the go-to girl for that, too. Sheep are great; sheepherders, not so much, but they are fairly predictable. However, never, ever think you have a ewe, ram or wether figured out. Much like bachelors, you never know what they are going to try next, or if it could also place you in danger. My advice is to stand back and just watch!

Reply #47. Apr 11 12, 12:46 AM

Creedy

well Mommakat and Tezza, I hit him over the head with the electric frying pan he'd used every day - without ever washing it up - then fed him, bit by bit, to my pet crocodile, Horace.

Horace is an excellent pet - ecologically friendly, economical to feed, superb for recycling people who annoy me, keeps away intruders, and will one day make an excellent handbag or two.

Reply #48. Apr 11 12, 1:29 AM

Creedy

Eeeek blackdress - washing the dishes with the toilet brush! I shudder to imagine what he did with the toilet paper.

Reply #49. Apr 11 12, 1:31 AM

tezza1551

Creedy, may I borrow Horace please ? My Broome sis in law won't bring me down a crocodile for my own ! And I promise to take him on to Mommakat when he's done his job at my place !!

Reply #50. Apr 11 12, 2:24 AM

Picard25

Creedy, I have to add some courses, but those we - be it bachelor or married man - really need!

- "Oxymorons in Everyday Life"
Basic: "The Female Logic"
Advanced: "Female Logic and its Most Common Contradictions" or "The Ten Healthiest Ways to Survive the Female's Yell 'Why don't you understand that?!?!?!?!?'"

- "Language Skills"
Basic: "How to Understand the Female Language: Saying Something While Meaning the Exact Opposite"
Advanced: "Implications, Hints and the Like" or "How to Apply the Content of the Basic Course to Everyday Life Without Using the Term 'What?????'" (which in most females leads to a reaction which eventually turns out to be rather unhealthy for the unprepared male)

- Humor
"Why a Female Will Never Understand the Intricate Hilarity of Passing Gas"

Which leads us directly to the most important, but also most difficult course:

- "Survival Skills"
Basic: "Dealing with the Angry Look"
Which we inevitably earn in our innocent attempt to try to mediate some of the more sophisticated things in life, like above mentioned windy humor for example, to the female of the species. This is the most rewarding of the courses, since even when finishing the other above mentioned with an A++, you will surely meet said look on a regular basis, since causes are too numerous to mention. Einstein once tried to estimate the number of causes, but failed during the basic research already after being confronted with said look for pointing out a certain illogicality in the different female interview partners’ reasonings. It is said that after this experience, the only word he uttered until the end of his life was "What?????"

Advanced: "What Comes After the Angry Look" or "How to Avoid Being Hit by a Skillet and Fed to an Alligator"

Reply #51. Apr 11 12, 3:53 AM

Creedy

Of course, Tezza. I'm packing his bags as we speak :)

Reply #52. Apr 11 12, 6:19 AM

Creedy

Lol, I'll add them to the syllabus, Jean-Luc :)

Reply #53. Apr 11 12, 6:21 AM

postcards2go

Creedy: "Oh my stars, postcards, you're kidding!"

Not kidding. Absolutely true.

Eventually, he cleaned up his act... but it may have been too late. He died, at the young age of 43, of complications due to kidney failure. Hmmmmmmmmm

Reply #54. Apr 11 12, 7:17 AM

Creedy

Poor man. Too much toilet brushing.

Reply #55. Apr 11 12, 8:24 AM

Cymruambyth

ga_jam831, you're right. My daughters-in-law think I'm the bee's knees. The first mother's day card I received from my older son's wife was a thank you card for raising a husband for her who could cook, clean and do laundry. When he became a father, he also shared childcare with his wife when the youngsters came along. My younger son's wife always said she married him because he could cook and she couldn't (I'm not absolutely sure that she's kidding!) He still does most of the cooking at their house.

Reply #56. Apr 11 12, 4:58 PM

Jakeroo

LOL Picard - that was quite an enjoyable post!

Creedy - all that empty real estate in OZ and you had to resort to a reptile? lol.

Approximately 5 times per week, the hubby will wander in to the room where the computer is (because that's where I am lol) and say "what's for dinner?". I tell him "Poison". He says "AGAIN???". But he eats whatever is served anyway.

So far the mushrooms I've picked haven't worked ~~~

Reply #57. Apr 11 12, 6:08 PM

Creedy

It's too hot outback, Jakeroo. I was fearful of sunburn - or that the corpse would go off before it was buried.

Reply #58. Apr 11 12, 10:49 PM

Creedy

Gee Cym, that's the main reason I got married. He was an excellent cook and I barely knew how to turn the electric kettle on.

That - and he had legs shaped like the statue of David. Excellent breeding material there. Shame about the brains though.

Reply #59. Apr 11 12, 10:51 PM

Mommakat

Had a chuckle at Jakeroo's comment. Reminded me of a joke I heard years ago. Have just posted it on the jokes thread so you can check it out. It has become a standard joke in our household but it got changed to powdered mushrooms and thence to "white powder". After we recently drew up joint Wills my husband turned to me in front of the Lawyer and said "Now you can get the white powder out"
What a statement and in front of a Lawyer too. Sorry Jakeroo much as it is a delicious thought I think the loan of Horace is more tempting LOL

Reply #60. Apr 12 12, 12:52 AM

This thread has been closed to new replies.
374 replies. On page 3 of 19 page(s). 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19

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