Jazmee27 
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The following story is based on an idea I had when doing the audio drama, but I only touched on it there.
It's also partly based on a draft I began last year, then trashed, as it wasn't quite up to my standards (meaning that the drafting process was a flop because the idea wasn't fully formed).
On the tape, I only have some of my characters read the headline, but that's aboutit. They don't even know who the woman is... but they're about to find out.
The man in the first section of the text is a close relative of the suspect. The second section is the actual newspaper article. Rough draft? None other.
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Reply #1721. Jul 22 12, 7:39 PM
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Jazmee27
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The man sucked in his breath as he read the headline: “Yet another mother doing the unthinkable.” He scanned the article, heart pounding in his ears like a drum, then read the text slower. At the bottom of the page, his eyes stopped but refused to focus on anything in particular. This can’t be happening, he thought.
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Reply #1722. Jul 22 12, 7:40 PM
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Jazmee27
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‘SCENORIAN TODAY’ for September 14:
FRONT PAGE –
WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? Yet another mother doing the unthinkable.
BY SORDANI CZISKAVREYA,
SPECIAL CORRESPONDENT
It’s the kind of crime that leaves everybody wi just one question: Why? What would possess a mother to do something so diabolical? What would lead a mother to coldbloodedly murder one child and frame the other?
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Reply #1723. Jul 22 12, 7:40 PM
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Jazmee27
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It should be noted that the following draft of "The Nightmare" was written while I was rereading "Adam" by Ted Decker There are also inspiring elements from "Firestorm" by David Klass, as well as several of the drafts I've written in the past.
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Reply #1724. Jul 22 12, 8:10 PM
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Jazmee27
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I wake up screaming, my lungs on fire and my sheets soaked in sweat. The hour is late, and everything is shrouded in darkness. My heart flutters around in my chest as if seeking release from its cage. This nightmare is so familiar it brings instant tears to my eyes. My breaths come in shallow gasps as both hands clutch the covers convulsively. One thought repeats itself in my mind: maybe, just maybe, if I cling tightly enough, They can’t get me. Ridiculous, I know, but it’s what I think. Not exactly rational, but how often is fear rational? Or reasonable?
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Reply #1725. Jul 22 12, 8:10 PM
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Jazmee27
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A timid knock at the door sends my heart to jumping inside me like a maniac and I let out a frightened squeak. Yes, I know, how manly of me, but at the moment I’m a three-year-old trapped inside my own memories. So I attempt to burrow underneath the covers, as if that will save my life. Both hands now clutch the fabric like a lifeline as I la y there, shivering uncontrollably and trying not to breahe.
All is silence outside, then I hear a tentative voice invade my mind, scaring me half to death. PERMISSION TO ENTER? It asks. My fingers relax their death grip hold and I let out a sigh of relief. It’s Anja Godunov, one of my best friends and, I hope, something more than that. You know you you don’t need to ask, I tell her. BUT I DO. BARGING IN COULD TERRIFY YOU UNNECESSARILY.I WOULDN’T WANT THAT.
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Reply #1726. Jul 22 12, 8:11 PM
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Jazmee27
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I chuckle, as if I can’t help myself. You’re incapable of frightening me, Little Angel. Come in, and calm me. The knob turns slowly, as if unwilling to make the slightest noise. I smile You needn’t be so careful, I tell her. “No such thing,” she retorts, closing the door carefully behind her.
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Reply #1727. Jul 22 12, 8:12 PM
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Jazmee27
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This draft of "The Execution" ends with a question (I've never combined the draft and notes before like that, but it occurred to me as I was editing while I wrote, and so I just had to include it.
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Reply #1728. Jul 22 12, 8:36 PM
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Jazmee27
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It all happened so quickly that Qodiehnto Voliyno simply had no time to react, even had his mind not been swamped with a pervasive terror and horror that rooted him to the spot. If only he’d listened to his father and gone to his room; at least then he’d not be forced to witness this terrible thing.
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Reply #1729. Jul 22 12, 8:37 PM
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Jazmee27
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Too stunned even to cry, the toddler watched as the lone soldier raised the club high over his head and brought it crashing down on the head of the man before him, whose arms were pinned to his side by two other soldiers. The weapon shifted slightly, smacking down on first one broad shoulder, then the other. The man screamed and attempted to struggle, but his restrainers held firm until his struggles ceased. Meanwhile, more hostile faces had joined the soldier, their own clubs raised. |
Reply #1730. Jul 22 12, 8:38 PM
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Jazmee27
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Quick as lightning, blows reined down on the Scenorian ruler’s back and skull, in addition to his shoulders, and the men keeping him immobile let go as his knees buckled beneath him. With a strangled cry, the monarch fell heavily to the floor where he lay, stunned and barely breathing. One of his attackers brought his weapon down with a resounding smack on the king’s chest, and the victim’s breaths became tortured gasps. Another strike of the weapon and his eyes glazed over.
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Reply #1731. Jul 22 12, 8:39 PM
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Jazmee27
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The three-year-old saw it all. It was as if his body had been robbed of speech and movement. As his father’s blood spilled from his wounds in a torrent, Qodi pitched forward, landing on the tiles with a resounding thud. He didn’t even see the assassins pick up their weapons and melt into the night, all but one, that is—the only one to notice the tiny witness lying motionless a few feet away.
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WHO IS THE ASSASSIN WHO REMAINS BEHIND, AND WHAT DOES HE INTEND TO DO?
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Reply #1732. Jul 22 12, 8:43 PM
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Jazmee27
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Lesley’s mention of sushi reminded me of a story my aunt tells the family. She had gone to a restaurant, and was tasting what she thought were coconut cookies.
She liked them until she learned what she was eating was sushi.
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Reply #1733. Jul 23 12, 10:11 AM
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| lesley153
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There's a moral in there somewhere - probably take an interpreter! How did she find out, and how did she react?
Reply #1734. Jul 23 12, 12:10 PM
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Jazmee27
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I think she asked the waiter for some, and he laughed and then told her what it was. She all but gagged and ran out of there.
I remember one time, my uncle got calamari, and asked me if I wanted some. Not being very adventurous, I asked what it was, and upon hearing the word squid, declined.
Later, during the same meal (if memory serves, it was Mother’s Day, and we were at the Olive Garden), I burst into tears because I hadn’t tried any. He still had some, and gave me one. It wasn’t bad, but I’d not have ordered any myself or anything.
For the longest time, Mom had to hide stuff in my food to get me to eat it (onions, bell peppers, tomatoes, that sort of thing) and she couldn’t tell me they were there or I’d have a fit and stop eating whatever it was. Recently, though, she’s found my list of “tolerable foods” has changed to include bell peppers and onions—if they’re chopped fine. Even more surprising to her was the fact that I ate black olives in her Greek salad (before, I wouldn’t even eat **egg *salad if it had olives in). (I’ve even started eating mushrooms, to an extent—she buys this chunky steak and potato soup that has them in. I’ve found that, though they’re still not my favorite thing to eat, I can swallow them as long as they aren’t cold).
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Reply #1735. Jul 23 12, 8:16 PM
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Jazmee27
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Apartment inspection :(
Sue said everything was fine but for a stain on the bathroom ceiling. WHAT? How would that happen?
The only other thing she noticed was I had no knobs on my stove (that's nothing new, as last year I'd bumped them all off, too). I had picked all the ones I could find up and laid them on top, and one was still good, so Royce put it back on.
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Reply #1736. Jul 24 12, 8:44 AM
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Jazmee27
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In other news, we had a storm last night around five.
Grandma called Virgil sometime after the storm there, which resulted in her losing power. He lives right in town, so she declined Mom's invitation (she was going to go downand pick her up).
And speaking of Grandma, she's trying to get into some sort of therapy because her right eye's still not focusing properly. (Mom would like it to be inpatient, but right now I'm guessing any therapy would be better than none. (Oh, and Mom spoke to a woman from Hyman Kaplan yesterday about that very thing.)
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Reply #1737. Jul 24 12, 8:50 AM
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Jazmee27
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Royce just came up to paint the bathroom ceiling. He said there was a leak from upstairs. It didn't take him llong:
Do you have a nickname, like "one, two, out!"?
"Speedy." He then paused for a second and said he'd check to see if he had any knobs for my stove.
I ordered a chicken tenderloin salad with lettuce and cheese only, no croutons (which tend to be burnt). For a small salad and a drink, the price was $7.37.
Got a call from Independent Voter Research. It was an automated recording with a survey about the presidential election. I hung up initially, but then answered the damned questions as I had another call to make and preferred to use that phone. The funny thing is, I didn't even answer the last question: all I could think was, "How am I supposed to answer *that*?"
Royce came back up with three knobs. "This is Flash, over and out."
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Reply #1738. Jul 24 12, 12:33 PM
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Jazmee27
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Bizarre story of the day: On the news, saw a segment about this woman in California who phoned the police because there was a mountain lion sleeping on her porch. Turns out, it was a stuffed animal.
Another segment was about the extreme heat we've been having. Arizona's experiencing dust storms, and Iceland's seeing significant thawing compared to this time of year in the past.
Speaking of weather, the temperature here's supposed to drop slightly for tomorrow, but jump back into the nineties Thursday (possibly even upper nineties, unlike today's lower nineties).
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Reply #1739. Jul 24 12, 5:14 PM
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Jazmee27
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As I write, then rewrite, my drama, I can’t help but think of when Edward and I used to play games together. I vividly remember how I’d seem to freeze when the action got heated, leaving him or Elysha to come up with “a way out” of whatever sticky situation it happened to be. One could argue I was honing their creativity, but there was more to it than that. I truly wasn’t good at “thinking on my feet” in a crisis situation. I’ve gotten slightly better over the years, but most times still need some time to process things first. (At least now I know enough to recognize that.)
Edward used to get frustrated with me because “you just sat there!” There were times I felt bad, but even then I knew it was because I placed myself so deeply in my characters.
Even when Tiffany began helping me with the stories, I relied on her a lot to come up with new ideas. Oh, sometimes I’d supply them, but not often enough.
Things began to change when I moved out of Mom’s house and into my own apartment. (Life experience can do a lot for a person.) It helps that I write as much as I do; allows me to process things more quickly. It also helps that I’m reading as much as I am, and that the library sends me such a wide selection.
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Reply #1740. Jul 25 12, 8:05 AM
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