Jazmee27 
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World's Dumbest Outlaws
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The other week on “World’s Dumbest Outlaws,” there was this one about a guy who walked into a doughnut shop carrying $5000. “Five thousand dollars,” the commentator remarks, “what kind of doughnut are you buying?”
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Who carries that much cash around at one time?
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Reply #2221. Nov 16 12, 11:48 AM
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Jazmee27
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11/8 - Food and Merchandise
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Mom brought over the chicken fingers she got at the market and helped me to order:
1. A clock—a desktop model like the one I have in the living room,
2. A watch—one that has a stopwatch, calendar and four appointment settings,
3. A walker—costs $39.99 and comes with a one year warranty.
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Has anyone noticed how hard I am on walkers?
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Reply #2222. Nov 16 12, 11:50 AM
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Jazmee27
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11/9 - Poor Spaz
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I’ve met Michael’s friend Rick and his wife Beth at the Memorial Day Picnic. They have a dog named Spaz, who’s what some would call “elderly,” and who has had a lot of health problems of late.
On Monday, they had to put her to sleep. All Michael—and Grandma—knows is poor Spaz had been vomiting. And the next day, Rick didn’t go in to work because Beth was so upset.
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Reply #2223. Nov 16 12, 11:53 AM
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Jazmee27
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11/10 - First Sunday
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‘I wonder how cold it will be.’ I’d just checked my calendar, and learned that the first Sunday of December is the fourth. That’s when, unless they don’t this year, LVC puts on their “Christmas in the Valley” concert. I’ve been there at least three times—and each year, that day was the coldest of the season so far. One time, the day was the second—another time, the seventh or eighth. ‘It’s always not only cold, but windy.’
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Not that it mattered.
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Reply #2224. Nov 16 12, 11:55 AM
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Jazmee27
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Allergy (a weird story)
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I take Zirtec for allergies—years ago I did Claritin but switched to Zirtec as the other stuff gave me a bad upset stomach. Plus, Mom wswitched—so we take the same thing. And another thing is, now I take over-the-counter because the insurance won’t pay for prescription—I once had to pay $92 out of pocket because the doctor prescribed the medication, and the pills were grape-flavored, and though I like grapes I don’t care for grape flavoring.
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I've disliked grape soda with a vengance since I was real little. [I seem to recall spitting it out.]
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Reply #2225. Nov 16 12, 11:58 AM
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Jazmee27
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11/11 - Automatic Updates
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“I hate when it does that,” I said as I sat down in the desk chair. I had been over at the kitchen table listening to “Imager’s Challenge” when the computer had started talking, and I hadn’t heard what it said until I walked over. “‘Automatic updates.” Sometimes, I really think this thing’s possessed.’
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Reply #2226. Nov 16 12, 12:00 PM
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Jazmee27
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Change
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“Yet another book about advanced concepts.” Once again, we find ourselves confronted with what happens when people attempt to reject change. ‘But what they don’t seem to get is, by rejecting change they change everything.’ Then again, the people in power often influence such things.
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Sounds like an understatement to me,.
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Reply #2227. Nov 16 12, 12:02 PM
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Jazmee27
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Deadly Women for November 11
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The first hour was about “women under an evil spell”. First, the story of Myra, who tortures and murders in order to please her love, Ian. “Myra fell in love with Ian because she was attracted to violent, explosive men.” Victims included 16-year-old Polly, 12-year-old Keith, 10-year-old Leslie, and 16-year-old Edward.
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Reply #2228. Nov 16 12, 12:04 PM
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Jazmee27
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The next segment of the first episode began with the line: “Some women kill out of deadly love, others out of a deadly delusion.” It told the story of Susan, along with the other women who followed Charles Manson. “It’s very sad to see how many lives were wasted.”
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Reply #2229. Nov 16 12, 12:04 PM
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Jazmee27
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Next: “Some people are highly susceptible to being influenced by others”. It’s the story of a mother of two named Tanya, who falls in love with Joe, and becomes his mistress. “Tanya would do anything for Joe,” including commit murder. ‘He coordinates everything, but has her do everything—including take the fall, which is when she finally put two and two together and realized he’d used her.’ The worst part: Tanya’s victim, Maria, doesn’t die immediately, but suffers in a coma for five months before she succumbs.
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I'm falling asleep reading that summary... it's that bad.
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Reply #2230. Nov 16 12, 12:06 PM
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Jazmee27
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The second hour is about revenge killings: “Bent on revenge, they will take an eye for an eye.” First is the story of Carla, whose own mother led her down a path of prostitution and partying. “She was destined for prison… When a friend, Sean, is beaten by her boyfriend, Carla takes it personally.” And she gets her new boyfriend, Danny—another drug addict—to help. In all, her ex is stabbed about thirty-five times, and his new girl is likewise stabbed. And, disturbingly, “Carla is proud of what she’s done.”
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Wel, **of course she is*
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Reply #2231. Nov 16 12, 12:07 PM
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Jazmee27
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The second segment of the second episode is about Alan and Jessica: “Jessica was really the instigator of the quarrels in the flats… The combination of Borderline Personality Disorder and Narcicistic Personality Disorder would be virtually impossible to be around.” Alan files for divorce, and she invents all manner of excuses for why he can’t visit the kids. “Jessica is repeatedly jailed for contempt,” but that doesn’t seem to make a difference. Both Alan and Jessica find another partner. “Jeff was the kind of guy who would do anything Jessica told him.” Shockingly, he’s a police officer: ‘After shooting Alan and his wife, Jeff and Jessica throw them into the trunk of their car, then set the vehicle on fire.”
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Reply #2232. Nov 16 12, 12:09 PM
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Jazmee27
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The next story is about another Carla. It begins with the line, “Revenge is the #1 motivator for murders.” ‘Carla loves David, but he’s being unfaithful to her.’ When all is said and done, Carla “snaps” and runs down her husband in her car. [Oh... that's the one.] “In the passenger seat, Lindsay Harris is forced to witness her own father’s death… I think Carla killed David because David killed their marriage.”
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Reply #2233. Nov 16 12, 12:11 PM
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Jazmee27
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The third, and last, hour is about women who see their loved ones more as property or possessions than people. ‘The 10-00 show was all new.’ First came the byline, “when two teen girls love the same boy, a battle ensues for the prize.” Their war starts online: neither Rachel nor Sarah knows what the other looks like, and Josh is oblivious to the animosity he’s creating. One of the girls is nineteen and the other eighteen, while their crush is nineteen. “Josh has the best of both worlds,” that is until “both girls go out of control”. The quote at the end is “Weapons in the hands of an angry person kill people… Rachel claims she used that knife for self defense and never meant to hurt anyone.”
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Reply #2234. Nov 16 12, 12:12 PM
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Jazmee27
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The next segment begins with these words: “Love is a powerful force. But love alone can’t keep children safe.” It tells the tale of Caroline, who nurtures he r two grandchildren, six-year-old Darren and four-year-old Dacia. When Darren’s father, Bruce, requests visitation rights, Caroline refuses—even after the court grant him custody. ‘She threatens to murder the children if that happens, but no one takes her seriously.’ “For some women, a person that the y love is not so much a person but a possession… find it easier to kill than to say good-bye.” After slitting her grandson’s throat, she likewise slashes her granddaughter’s throat, then stabs her in the chest. “She could have smothered them… She could have shot them… She held these children against her and stabbed them.” She then attempts, and fails, to kill herself. “When you think of a grandmother, you don’t think of someone who’s capable of such an act.”
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Reply #2235. Nov 16 12, 12:13 PM
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Jazmee27
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Next is the spooky story of Elizabeth, who’s in love with her own son. After twenty years, and twenty failed marriages, Frank allows her to stay with him. When he finally has enough and tells her to get out, she threatens to hurt herself—and subsequently winds up in hospital for four weeks. There, Frank meets Olga, and is able to keep their relationship from his mother—until Olga becomes pregnant. “It didn’t matter to Elizabeth that Frank loved Olga. It didn’t matter to Elizabeth that Olga was pregnant, seven months along, with her first grandchild.” First, this jealous mother attempts, successfully, to void the couple’s marriage. “All Frank can do is try to placate both women,” so he moves back in with Elizabeth. However, unbeknownst to him, his mother’s come up with a permanent solution to the problem: “she recruits two thugs” who beat the expecting mother and bury her alive.
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Reply #2236. Nov 16 12, 12:13 PM
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Jazmee27
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Dysfunction (part of the "11/11/11 wedding debacle")
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What?’ First off, he never proposed. Second, he wasn’t prepared: “He only just called Darlene on Tuesday night to ask if Paul could be one of the groom’s men.” And he didn’t listen to his wife-to-be: “Anita called him this morning to ask what time she should be there, and he said “Oh, I don’t know—I forget what she said.’
The more I hear about this, the more messed up it is: Lisa wanted a wedding on 11/11/11, then she decided she wants it outdoors, and now she wants pictures of the wedding party taken *before the wedding. “So the wedding party has to be there at five.” And only 67 out of the 100 guests even responded—and out of those, a few are the kind who don’t show anyway. “Such a rigmarole!”
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Reply #2237. Nov 16 12, 12:16 PM
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Jazmee27
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Fortune Hunter (the "find another girl" story)
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“He’ll never find happiness with her.”
“I told him, ‘I hope to hell you find what you’re looking for because clearly you’re not happy with her.”’
It sounds like something I might see on “Deadly Women,”’ I thought earlier as Grandma was telling me more about Michelle. Of course, I didn’t say anything—in fact, I pursed my lips in order to keep silent.
She sounds like a fortune hunter, one of those women who value money or material possessions over human beings. She’s also a spinner of stories—that’s different from a storyteller, as she makes outlandish claims. ‘Makes you wonder what else she’s hiding.’
“One time she was dating, no not dating, sleeping with this guy, and he went to the back of the shed and shot himself, but it wasn’t in front of her or the children.” But at the Memorial Day picnic, she claimed (a) it was her husband who did this; and (b) that he *did shoot himself in front of her and the kids.
Another story is that her younger sister—who’s diagnosed wit schizophrenia and bipolar, like her mother—killed herself. Yet, she only has one sister—and she was up not too long ago to visit—I think she lives in North Carolina.
Then, you have the Memorial Day Incident, when she was drunk. She claims (a) she didn’t do it; (b) Grandma’s “the biggest liar I ever met.”
Hearing stuff like this, it’s hard to be objective. I try—same as with certain situations in my own life.
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Reply #2238. Nov 16 12, 12:19 PM
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Jazmee27
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Inspired (could be a continuation of the last story--except that it isn't... or, is it?)
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She’s a charmer, so beware,
Lest you be caught unawares;
Her web of lies is quite complete:
Will you be next or will you flee?
‘The first few lines are inspired, but the last needs work.’ Inspired by a real story, I don’t even have a name for that poem. ‘Perhaps the last line should read ‘Will you be caught up in her schemes?’ Just a thought.
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"Her web of lies is quite complex" sounds better to me than "quite complete" [what does that even mean?]
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Reply #2239. Nov 16 12, 12:23 PM
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Jazmee27
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Stephanie (I didn't realize the story began as early as the eleventh--technically, before that)
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“I know you sometimes call her, Mom began, “but Stephanie’s been very sick, and is in the hospital.” “Oh, no,” I exclaimed involuntarily. “I hope she feels better soon.” “I’m sure, once she returns home, she’ll appreciate a phone call—“
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Tragic all around
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Reply #2240. Nov 16 12, 12:27 PM
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