| RJOhio
|
Being a father
Can be quite a bother
But having a son
Is ever so much fun
Being a spouse
Can make me a grouse
But having a wife
Is the joy of my life
Reply #2061. Feb 26 13, 9:02 AM
|
BenaBena 
|
Woke up with chest pains this morning, about two hours before the alarm. I'm pretty sure they are just gas. I pray I'm right.
Reply #2062. Feb 26 13, 9:29 AM
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wyambezi
|
My daughter once asked me if she could have a particular cow she had seen in a local pasture. She thought the cows were for sale because they had numbered tags in their ears. :)
Reply #2063. Feb 26 13, 11:11 AM
|
| pjmjlm
|
My youngest grandson always asks me to make the 'funnyname' soup-he can never remember Mulligatawny.
Reply #2064. Feb 26 13, 12:01 PM
|
janwoo
|
A Biker walked into a pharmacy, and asked to talk to
a male pharmacist.
The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and
that as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males
employed there.
She then asked if she could help him. The biker said that it was
something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a
male pharmacist.
The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely
professional, and what ever it was that he needed to discuss, he could
be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of
professionalism.
The biker then agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to
discuss, but I have a ......permanent erection. It causes me a lot of
problems, and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could
give me for it."
The pharmacist said, "Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister." When she
returned, she said, "We discussed it at length, and the absolute best
we can do is:
1/3 ownership in the shop ....
A company car...
Five home cooked dinners a week ..
And $3,000 a month in living expenses."
Reply #2065. Feb 26 13, 12:03 PM
|
briandoc5
|
This is the story of a Corn Flake who lived in a box with all the other Corn Flakes, but was always getting into trouble and...time's up!
Come back next week and I'll tell you the rest. It's a Cereal!
Reply #2066. Feb 26 13, 12:03 PM
|
emiloony
|
Once up on a time there was a little pig called Fred. One day he decided to go to the moon, but got distracted on the way and ended up in Basingstoke. He's still there, as far as I know.
Reply #2067. Feb 26 13, 2:33 PM
|
George95
|
Another big snnowstorm tonight. Sounds like it's going to be sloppy on the roads tomorrow!
Keep the jokes coming! Very funny.
Reply #2068. Feb 26 13, 9:26 PM
|
bananapeel39
|
Dating Ads for Seniors.. Found in a Florida Newspaper
You can say what you want about Florida, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north. These are actual ads seen in ''The Villages,'' Florida newspaper.
(Who says Seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
----------------------------------------------------
FOXY LADY
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5 '4' (used to be 5'6'), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
---------------------------------------------------
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, Fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
----------------------------------------------------
SERENITY NOW
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and
Meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
----------------------------------------------------
WINNING SMILE
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flossier
to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
----------------------------------------------------
BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
----------------------------------------------------
MEMORIES
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
----------------------------------------------------
MINT CONDITION
Male, 1932 model, high mileage, good condition, some hair,
many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.
Reply #2069. Feb 26 13, 10:19 PM
|
| GregWiggins
|
O being one of those parents that LOVE the Oscars and all things awards shows, I naturally expected my children to fall in love with this form of entertainment as well. To my chagrin, my 8 year old daughter looked up at me and said, "What's the big idea? It's just a bunch of people giving awards to other people..... BORING!"
I'm mortified......oh well
Reply #2070. Feb 26 13, 10:37 PM
|
Plodd
|
Three more working days until my holiday. I can't wait!
Reply #2071. Feb 27 13, 12:18 AM
|
| nikaehr
|
One evening, some friends and I drove to Rochester, NY, from Syracuse to see one of our favorite singer/songwriters in performance. We felt very lucky to have tickets as there were only 90 seats available for patrons.
After drinking several bottles of beer, I decided to visit the ladies room before the show started. As I passed through the corridor, I noticed a man approaching me. As he came closer, I realized the man was the performer we had come to see that evening.
I felt very awkward and shy about being in such close proximity to one of my musical idols, but I kept walking. When he was about 10 feet from me, the star of the show throws out his arms and with an ear to ear grin on his face exclaims,"Well, hello! What are you doing here!"
I stopped and we looked each other in the eye. I was going to explain that I was on my way to the Loo, but I figured that wasn't what he meant , so I said," I've wanted to see you for years and I was lucky enough to get a ticket for your show tonight. So, we got in the car and drove down here from Syracuse."
He burst out laughing and by this point I thought he was a complete maniac.
He then explained that I looked just like the wife of a friend of his in Nashville. We both had a good laugh. He even waited until I got back to my seat before he began his show. The performer's name is John Hiatt, one of my all time favorites!
Reply #2072. Feb 27 13, 1:30 AM
|
| drwinsac
|
I have to do this again?
Reply #2073. Feb 27 13, 1:50 AM
|
MikeMaster99
|
Teaching starts again for the year next Monday. Time to freshen up the lecture notes!
Reply #2074. Feb 27 13, 2:54 AM
|
Upstart3
|
Bought some rosin for my kid's violin and looked it up online - found that an alternate name for it is colophony. My new favourite word.
Reply #2075. Feb 27 13, 4:51 AM
|
| justanoldlady
|
I had a dog one time---a big black Lab named Lad. We lived on a big farm of almost 400 acres and Lad had a calling. He was carpeting his outside doghouse! To accomplish this, he had to hunt down, catch and kill groundhogs. Once he had transported them from field to home, he lay them outside his doghouse. There they lay, exposed to the sun until they exploded. After the necessary clean-up, the pelt would be laid out on the doghouse floor.
This is another animal tale which found it's way to this story page. I'll stop telling them if the quizzing powers that be stop asking me to.
Reply #2076. Feb 27 13, 10:09 AM
|
KayceeKool
|
Our house has a wonderful location. It is 1.3 kilometres to the nearest wine estate. Cheers :)
Reply #2077. Feb 27 13, 10:27 AM
|
Tekka
|
I don't watch much TV but have found a reality show that I find funny, educational, with good morals and a wonderful loving family. It's Duck Dynasty about a family in Louisiana who have built up a huge business making duck calls. They get up to lots of different antics, show how they live off the land and encourage Godly living.
Reply #2078. Feb 27 13, 2:16 PM
|
| alan56
|
"I love California . I practically grew up in Phoenix ."
-- Dan Quayle
Reply #2079. Feb 27 13, 2:54 PM
|
demurechicky
|
I had a 'snooze' on the sofa tonight. One minute I was watching TV, at about 8pm, the next thing it was 11pm...I am wide awake now and it's bedtime!
Reply #2080. Feb 27 13, 5:38 PM
|
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