How to write a term paper
1. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
2. Read over the assignment carefully, to make certain you understand it.
3. Walk down to the vending machines and buy some coffee to help you concentrate.
4. Stop off at another floor on the way back and visit with your friend from class. If your friend hasn't started the paper yet either, you can both walk to McDonald's and buy a hamburger to help you concentrate. If your friend shows you his paper, typed, double-spaced, and bound in one of those irritating see-thru plastic folders, punch him.
5. When you get back to your room, sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
6. Read over the assignment again to make absolutely certain you understand it.
7. Check your e-mail; reply to everyone who sent you letters.
8. You know, you haven't written to that kid you met at camp since fourth grade... You'd better write that letter now and get it out of the way so you can concentrate.
9. Go look at yourself in the bathroom mirror and decide how you want to do your hair for the prom (whew! that's a load off my mind!)
10. Listen to one side of your favorite tape and that's it , I mean it, as soon as it's over you are going to start that paper.
11. Listen to the other side.
12. Check your e-mail again.
13. Rearrange all of your CDs into alphabetical order.
14. Phone your friend on the other floor and ask if he's started writing yet. Discuss your paper, classes, next week's big game, food, that girl you liked in third grade, and why giraffes have such long necks.
15. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
16. Read over the assignment again; roll the words across your tongue; savor its special flavor. Then read them in pig latin. Then try to translate them into Spanish using everything you learned in your Spanish 101 class.
17. Check your e-mail to make sure no-one sent you any urgent messages since the last time you checked.
18. Check the newspaper listings to make sure you aren't missing something truly worthwhile on TV.
NOTE: When you have a paper due in less than 12 hours, anything on TV is truly worthwhile.
19. Catch the last hour of "How to Decorate your Sofa for President's Day" on channel 87.
20. Phone your friend on the third floor to see if he was watching. Discuss the finer points of the plot.
21. Go take a shower to induce brain stimulation.
22. Look through your roommate's book of pictures from home. Ask who everyone is.
23. Sit down and do some serious thinking about your plans for the future.
24. Open your door and check to see if there are any mysterious, trench-coated strangers lurking in the hall.
25. Sit in a straight, comfortable chair in a clean, well lighted place with plenty of freshly sharpened pencils.
26. Read over the assignment one more time.
27. Check your e-mail.
28. Scoot your chair across the room to the window and watch the sunrise.
29. Lie face down on the floor and moan.
30. Leap up and write the paper.
5 Comments:
Ouch, all too familiar I'm afraid lol. I do seem to check my e-mail A LOT. Facebook also gets me. O the temptations of the virtual world.
By trident87, Mar 10 06 2:26 PM
I never used to think the computer was that big of a distraction for me - until I left it in my friend's room all weekend. I finished every bit of my homework (for once I didn't procrastinate) and then realized I had nothing to do! :)
By jayleighjess, Mar 10 06 2:38 PM
That is hilarious!! You had me laughing my head off all the way through. :)
By stonewallfan, Mar 10 06 5:22 PM
It's funny and true.
By iamtheotaku, Mar 10 06 7:06 PM
I used to have to disconnect the internet in order to write. But that would only work when I didn't need the internet for doing research. (I was the queen of researching off the internet - JStor was my friend! Only went to the actual universities' libraries once or twice in the 6 years it took me to get my MA.)
By ladymacb29, Mar 11 06 9:22 PM