THIS IS MY SURE WAY TO KEEP YOU ENTERTAINED AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU TO BE EXTEMELY PISSED OFF!!!!!

When Christmas carolling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One”.

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers’ brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies’ “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend”.

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as “sticky wicket isn’t cricket.”

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Construct your own pretend “tricorder”, and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people’s parties