Chimpy's Thoughts

???: Ok, it’s time move on.

Sora: I don’t have to go to another platform, do I? These women are scaring me.

???: It’s times like these that make me love my job. *Snaps fingers*

The platform that Sora was standing on breaks, and shards of the glass fly through the air as he pelts downwards to another platform. Sora hits the ground hard, landing right on his behind.

Sora: That wasn’t very nice!

???: Then why does it feel so right?

Sora: *Sigh* I guess it’s not so bad…I mean, this woman isn’t as hideous as the others.

???: Well that just won’t do. *Snaps fingers*

Sora quickly stands up as the platform collapses beneath him. Flailing his arms and screaming, he drops to yet another one, this time landing on his stomach.

???: There. Hideous enough for you?

Sora: *Stares at the painting he is lying on and screams*

Sora quickly gets up and runs to the far end of the platform.

???: OK, now maybe we can FINALLY move on! A few enemies are going to randomly spawn. You have to-

Sora: Kill them? Ha! I knew it! I knew that I was going to kill stuff with my sword!

???: Clever, aren’t you? I’m just going to sit back and relax.

Sora: Aren’t you going to tell me how to use my sword?

???: I thought you said you weren’t a retard.

Sora: Fine…Bring ’em on!

Three Shadows, small dark creatures with antennae, appear in front of Sora. Unsure of what to do, he recklessly spins around with his sword. Luckily, one of the monsters jumps at him just as he begins, and his sword pierces through it. The Shadow disappears, leaving a small trace of darkness where it had been killed. Sora stops spinning around, smiles, and jabs at one of the remaining Shadows. It does not go down as easily as the other, and Sora continues to hammer it with blows. All the while, another enemy appears behind Sora, slowly creeping towards him as he fights. The Mysterious Voice watches the whole scene, grinning. Sora jabs the Shadow once more and rams it into the other one beside it. They both disappear just as the hidden monster pounces on Sora. Sora goes down and is attacked as many more Shadows spawn. He is covered in the Shadows, and sinks into a pool of darkness. Sora closes his eyes as he tries to push the monsters off of him, but when he opens them he finds he is on a different platform, alone.

Sora: Ahhhhh!!!

???: *Holding back laughter* Ha! I bet you thought I would warn you if one of those creatures was behind you, huh? I bet you’re scared. You’re scared, right, cause you were just attacked? Well, guess what? Guess what? I actually did warn you….I just did it in a barely audible whisper. A whisper! Oh! I..I bet you weren’t expecting that. You were so freaked out! Oh, I am good! I’m good….you- you were so afraid! Those monsters made you scream like a little girl… *Bursts out laughing*

Sora: Actually, this woman is just a little extra-hideous. She scared the crap out of me!

???: …*Disappointed* Oh.

Sora: *Shaking head* You’re a failure.

There is a very long pause as Sora stands there, waiting for a response. Then, after seemingly forever…

???: *Snaps fingers*

Sora: Oh, God, nooooo!

Sora crashes through the platform and lands on the next one, this time on his back. He silently gets up and waits.

???: Now let’s put our past behind us and move on….ok?

Sora: Fine, whatever.

???: I said: OKAY?

Sora: Okay.

???: Okay?

Sora: Okay…..

???: Alright. Now there is a treasure chest over there that you can open by navigating the command menu and using the Special Command-

Sora: *Quietly* Ew.

???: *Angrily* Wha- What was that? Don’t get me started, Sora! Don’t get me started! Just go over there, and use the Open command to open the treasure chest!

Sora calmly walks over to the treasure chest and starts to open it.

Chest: Hey, what do ’ya think you’re doin’?

Sora: Opening the treasure chest.

Chest: That’s what they all say! Can’t you just leave me alone?

Sora: No, that guy told me that I have to open you.

Chest: I don’t care what that guy said! Leave me alone!

Sora: Aw, c’mon-

Chest: Wanna fight about it?

Sora: *Puts head down* No…

Chest: Good. ’Cause I’d-

Sora: Hey, what’s your name?

Chest: Well, most people call me Chest, cause, well, you get the picture. But my birth name is actually Sparkle. You see my dad, well, I don’t mean to brag or anything, but…he was a famous pirate’s buried treasure. I know, I know, hard to believe, but that’s where I got my name. He said that I put more of a sparkle in his life then all that treasure inside him, so he named me Sparkle. A lot of the guys think-

As Sparkle goes on and on about his name, Sora swiftly reaches inside his mouth and steals the item from him. Proudly he walks away from Sparkle while being viciously screamed at.

Sora: OK, I have the item!

???: That right there is a Potion. You can heal yourself with it by using Items in the Command Menu. Alright, go ahead and put it in your inventory.

Sora: Where’s that?

???: I don’t know…most heroes just have one. It’s like a reflex, I guess…they just know where to put everything.

Sora: Well that sucks, I don’t have a backpack or anything. And that last item has taken up all the space in my pants.

???: Oh my…Well, those shoes are pretty big. I mean, not just big, those things are plain huge! Man, those things are funky! Use those!

Sora: OK!

Sora sticks the Potion in his shoes, then grabs the other one out of his pants and sticks it in, too. Afterwards he waits for more instructions. Getting impatient, he begins to tap his large foot on the ground. After a few more seconds, a big, strange-looking door appears on the other side of the platform.

Sora: Cool, a door! I love doors! They allow you to go from one room to another, and when they are closed, the room on the other side is shrouded in mystery…At least for me anyway. It’s no wonder I always end up sleeping in the bathroom accidentally…I never can tell those doors apart!

???: *Sarcastically* Okay…Your life sounds fulfilling. You’re the perfect hero!

Sora: Really?

???: Sadly, I won’t be able to witness your door high jinks, because you can see the name of the room you are about to enter at the bottom of the screen most of the time.

Sora: Whoa! Wait…rooms have names?

???: Anyways, opening doors is just like opening chests, you just have to use the Command Menu to scroll down to the Examine command.

Sora: Um…just so we’re on the same page…Do you really think I’m the perfect hero?

???: …

Sora: Because, you know, I don’t think you’d ever be sarcastic with me…you just, uh, just seemed a little tense there when you said it.

???: …

Sora: I’m just, uh, just making sure, man. I just wanted to be sure we were all caught up and everything and, um…I think we’re cool now. Yep, I think we’re cool.

???: …

Sora: I’m gonna go, uh, gonna go open that door now.

Sora walks over to the huge door and attempts to open it. Struggling, he grips the handles tightly in his hands but can’t seem to get it to open.

???: Okay, now that I’ve recovered from that monologue, I’ll assist you.

The door slowly opens and Sora is engulfed in a bright light. Shielding his eyes from the intensity, he cannot bear to walk any further into the doorway. The light dissipates and Sora uncovers his eyes to find that he is on a wooden structure overlooking the ocean. The structure is connected to an island with many more wooden bridges and huts.

TO BE CONTINUED...