I swear one exists in this place.  Every time somebody needs something right this minute and it's very important and I have to drop what I'm doing like now and find it, they vanish once I've located it.  If it's so important, you'd think they'd stick around until I find it. But, no, they vanish and I have to devote more time to finding them.  I swear, a wormhole or some sort of void or vortex exists around my office.  They get sucked to parts unknown right after I've dropped everything to find whatever it is that will result in their untimely demise should I not locate it this second.  I swear, when I find that wormhole, I'm sealing it shut with saran wrap or maybe liquid nail.

Maybe they go to a tangent universe like Donnie Darko.  Actually, Frank the scary bunny man would be a welcome improvement over the tone-deaf welders with very little in the patience department.  At least Frank had some good one-liners.  I've never made it all the way through that film and I really should. 

And why is it that the folks around here can ask me to make a dozen phone calls then wonder why I haven't heard back from any number of people?  Ok guys, we have one phone line, I've been on it all day long. How is anybody supposed to call me back when the phone is busy?  My psychic connection to our vendors and customers just isn't working as it should.  Sorry about that.  And speaking of psychic connections, I need part numbers if you want the right parts.  Without them, I'm forced to guess which means you're going to whine in a few days when that part you asked me for is wrong.  Part numbers are good things, become familiar with them and apply as needed. Porter Cable makes more than one drill, which one you want is essential.  GE makes more than one fuse, see previous comments. And while I'm on the subject of drills, what do shop guys do to them? I've bought 4 Porter Cables in the last few months.

And now we're painting. I'm ultra sensitive to paint fumes which means I'll have a migraine in a  matter of minutes.  Within the next hour, I may well see Frank the scary bunny man from Donnie Darko.  The paint fumes do a number on me.   Since I'm in rant mode, one more thing.  My desk is not the supply closet.  Yes, I know, difficult to believe, but true.  We have a closet full of pens, paper, staples and just about every other office supply you can imagine.  We even have a few you couldn't imagine since taking the boss to the supply store is like taking a kid to Toys R' Us.  Get your supplies from the closet.  I will be forced to booby trap my desk and the area directly surrounding it if you keep lifting my pens.  Don't say you haven't been warned.  When a rabid mongoose bites you in the keister, don't come crying to me, you've brought this on yourselves.  The wrath of a worn out secretary is truly something to behold.  Remain 500 feet back at all times.