On Saturday I turned 60. Birthdays were never really a big deal for me. I have often told my family not to worry about buying me anything, a phone call would do :) Nevertheless, theres always some pleasant surprise.

My youngest, Karen, stopped on her break from work on Friday ~ she brought me picture frames to replace the faded ones holding the kids dance recital pictures on top of the bookcase...25-30 years old...still in their oval cardboard ones. And a card. That was nice. I teased her..."What no cupcake with a candle?" She pouted with a "no...did you really want one?" I proceeded to open the card...it had a huge cupcake with a candle on the front. I said ~ You DID give me one! She said she forgot what was on the front being in a hurry..."Stop it Mom...thats weird, and youre doing it again"! I have never actually expected one, but the image popped in my head when I picked up the card.

I always go to the casino on my birthday. I look forward to it every year. I found myself sitting in my chair with a black cloud over me, and tears flowed. Why cant I stop crying? It cant be because I am 60! I am only one day older than I was on Friday. Maybe I shouldnt go, something is wrong. I was encouraged to go, maybe it would pick me up.

Turning 60 wasnt the reason. I was sure of that. I have watched Howdy Doody, hid under my desk at school practicing for when the Russians will bomb us, grew up while rock & roll was making its debut...what fun! I was a hippy, lived through those 60's, raised a family, learned something everyday. I am a boomer, and we expect to stay young, isn't just a figure of speech, it is a statistically verifiable fact. They say that turning 60 years old today has an actual life expectancy of 82.3, but boomers don't consider themselves bound by the laws of statistics; we fully expect that advances in health care and genomics are going to enable us to live past 100.

I lived a hard life in my earlier years...but it made me who I am. I dont carry a chip on my shoulder or point fingers. I also have been fortunate...time has been kind...I dont look like I am a grandmother of 9, with another on the way. Nevertheless, something was wrong. I did go play some slots, and shouldnt have. I usually win, but walked around depressed...brought home the free dinner I got. Rule number one, never go to the casino with a black cloud over you.

The phone rang early this morning. My cousin Patty in Chicago informing me that my favorite Aunt Adeline had passed away on my birthday. It was a blessing being that she had Altzeimers...the worse kind...this little kind lady turned into someone filled with rage, a horrible way to live. When I went to another aunts funeral last year, I was told that she may not recognize me, so dont be upset. I walked into the wake, and Auntie Adeline smiled at me and reached her hand out...she knew me. That was the last time I saw her.

My sister, my hubby and my kids all believe that my crying and depression was because of my aunts death...I didnt put 2+2 together was all. I have known when others passed before I was told...the family is used to this. I have lost 3 aunts and an uncle in the last 4 years. All in their 90's. Theres one aunt left in her late 80s, the youngest and I am told shes still in good health and as feisty as ever. My mother died when she was 26, she had a rheumatic heart caused by Scarlet Fever as a child. I feel I still can look forward to many years. 60 is just a number...and I still have so much left to do and finish....and I will :) ~Joanie~