My Only Solace
The only time lately, that I've felt happy at all... well, not exactly happy, but at least not wanting to scream... is when I'm here, alone, with music on and no one around, not my mom being disappointed in me, my brother just flat-out hating me, my dad taking mom's side ALTHOUGH they're divorced, and some of my friends completely turning their backs on me. When I'm around someone, anyone, it all changes, because I get to thinking about all of that, and I lose it. But right now, on the computer, writing or listening to music, I'm preoccupied enough to where I'm calm, calm enough so that I can breathe normally and not scream into my pillow like I did today when I came home from school.
1 Comment:
I wish I had answers for you hon. I know it wont be much help to tell you, all teens feel this way at one time or another. On one hand, youre still a child to parents, alot of teens have siblings who hate each other (until someone else says or does something out of the family about or to you). On the other hand, you have an adult inside you screaming to get out, wanting to show the world youre growing up, that youre NOT a baby...so give me a break! It's a hard time.
It's normal for you to want to sit alone listening to music. I remember how it drove me crazy when mine would do that, and in the dark. Just a "Are you okay?" or "Come on out and join the family" would be the wrong thing to say. I heard Let me alone! Nobody likes me. I am so ugly. I hate it here. I hate school. My teachers are so unfair. Then the music would be turned up louder and I got shut out.
It was a long time ago, and they have kids who does that too now.
I recall when I was a teen in the 60's, and felt that way.
Only I didnt have alot of places to hide being raised by a grandmother who was still stuck in the early 1900's LOL. After she passed on...I was abandoned and wished I had a room, a family, someone to understand and care. It was the worse time of my life, BUT even though I made some bad choices, I did realize that theres 2 roads to take, the right one and the wrong one. So even though everything seems bad at this point, try to keep your head when you have decisions to face.
Youre going to get passed all this in time, and look back and see that things really werent as bad as you thought. It isnt easy being an adult either. I wish you the best :)
~Joanie~
By joaniem, May 25 07 10:35 AM