Man journal entry: A man should never do this. I tell myself this but I rarely hear what I have to say anymore. I clean and reload my gun. This time I avoid the mud and make my way with three loaded weapons and a cup of coffee. I plant myself strategically in a tree. I have stooped low, very low for sure. Maybe it is the pressure that comes from college, maybe the cold weather has brought this on, or maybe what childhood teachers said is true. Maybe I am crazy. I sit and watch the trap I have set. In minutes my target is in sight. I nail him once and it feels so good I nail him again. The excitement of victory is still in the air when I approach the fence that borders my yard. I watch their dog Max shake off the water from my Super Soaker rifle, and I am soaked in coffee.

Maybe it was the fact I do not drink decaf, maybe a man just hates mutts that stand on the wall or jump down in our yard, but nonetheless it is my territory and I am its master. I don't know how tomorrow will go but it took one week to bring this on, and I hate to hear my voice yell at the neighbor's dog. So, this was it. This was day 1.

I make my way back across the brush with a half empty gun and an empty coffee mug, and a smug smile. I will see what tomorrow brings. It is really in the paws of Max and not my own hands.

Back inside I retrieve my coffee and pet my own dog. "I did this for us", and maybe luring the dog with dog treats was wrong, but as I look at my dog I feel like a war hero returned. A man should never do three things. Those three things are: never lie to a woman for the wrong reason, never cheat unless for money, and never cheat on a woman. I am reminded of this when a female neighbor friend calls. She is young and sweet and happens to be Max's owner.

There are three things a man should never do, but if he does he should have a good reason. So, I acted stunned and amazed as she asked me if I knew if it had rained.

What a great way to meet my new neighbor.

We will see about Max on day 2.