Thoughts on Mortality and Fear
My brother's friend's father died on Monday. I'm not sure how old he was, but no older than 50. He started to feel really ill after going to the gym on Monday morning, and had his wife take him to the doctor's. He had a heart attack in the parking lot and died.
I barely knew this man, only met him once or twice when he was picking up his son from our house. I really barely even know his kids. I know the son as my brother's best friend of the last 10 years, and I vaguely know the older daughter through mutual acquaintances and from going to high school together (she was two years behind me).
I'm not upset because I feel like I've lost someone from my life, I'm upset because I hate to hear of teenagers losing their father. It reminds me that one of my greatest fears is losing my dad. It's been a big fear of mine since last summer when my parents went on a 3-week Mediterranean cruise to celebrate their 25th anniversary. When they came back (literally as soon as they came back - on the car ride home when I picked them up from the airport...), they told me my dad was rushed to hospital when the ship was docked in Monaco because he thought he was having a heart attack. The doctors at the hospital in Monaco said he was fine, and sent him back to the ship, and everything was okay for the rest of the cruise. He went through all sorts of tests at the hospital here when he came back, everything and everyone says he's fine. But it scared the hell out of me... I can't imagine how I would have felt, would have dealt with it, if my dad went off on vacation and died in the middle of it.
I know constant fear is no way to live, and I am not in constant fear. It's just when I hear of people around my age having their parents die unexpectedly, or when I hear a radio report driving home from school that three men in the city had heart attacks that day shovelling snow.. that I can't help it, and worry, maybe irrationally.
3 Comments:
It's only a bit irrational, and you're right not to waste your life worrying about things that haven't happened and probably won't.
On the first Monday after the first sunny weekend of the year, doctors' surgeries are full of men in various states of disrepair, after the unaccustomed exercise of gardening. You'd probably find that the three men shovelling snow hadn't had any exercise since the snows the year before.
With a bit of luck, your father will live to a ripe old age, and you will be an independent adult by then. You'll cope, but I hope you won't have to till you're much older than he is now.
By lesley153, Apr 30 09 10:08 AM
There's nothing unusual about fearing the loss of a parent, GG. I had that fear for many years myself. Of course, it's always a shame when a life not fully realized is lost. For example, the actress that played Myra on "Family Matters", Michelle Thomas, died of cancer in 1998, at the age of 29. She had a lot going for her, too--steady work on a popular soap opera, "The Young & The Restless", a successful boyfriend in Malcolm-Jamal Warner (of "The Cosby Show"), and her star was rising.
The thought of losing either of my parents doesn't bother me so much anymore, but it's always in the back of my mind now because they're both in their late 60s. I know that my time with them is growing short.
You're right, you can't live in fear. But what you can do is make the quality of your time with your dad as good as it can be, every time you talk to him on the phone or see him in person.
By cag1970, May 02 09 7:35 AM
A nice blog which you can tell was very much written from the heart and i am sure many people have similar thoughts and fears.
Having read this blog I felt compelled to read your other recent blogs. Lots of fun and interesting.
My name is Steven, 25 years old from Glasgow, Scotland and on an interesting note i am actually from the same FunTrivia joining class as you. Although it's taken me from 2003 until now to read one of your blogs!! Glad i did though.
By BigUncleChester, May 15 09 4:00 AM