You never win an argument with a customer
I got to bed quite late last night (OK, this morning), and was enjoying a nice warm, sleepy lie-in, when I heard a brief ring on the doorbell. Mid-morning, end of week, guess it's the milkman calling for his money.
Throw clothes on, grab bag, get downstairs in thirty seconds. Nobody on the doorstep. Just a glossy postcard poked half-way through the letterbox, with shiny pictures of trees, and contact numbers, one free phone and one mobile phone, for a tree surgeon. Surely the whole point of getting smart shiny literature printed is to be able to post it without disturbing the householder - and I've been woken up for a postcard?
I immediately made a bad-tempered phone call to the free number on the card, and left a message to the effect that the idiot distributor had left the card sticking out of the letterbox - not a good look, unless you're The Burglar - but, more importantly, didn't need to disturb me by ringing the (expletive deleted) bell to tell me they were leaving a card.
Where I live has been designated a "no cold calling" area, not that there's any point mentioning it, or that anyone will take any notice of it. People will carry on doing what they've always done, except that they will now tie themselves in knots to deny that they're selling anything. Oh no - disseminating information, promoting a special offer, may I be struck by lightning if I try to sell you anything but I'm conducting a survey into why people haven't got Sky TV.
No point trying to go back to sleep. Pour a smoothie, put kettle on, make tea, try and wake up.
Half an hour later, the phone rang. It was a weary-sounding young male voice, mumbling that he'd missed a call from my number. He didn't bother to say who he was. It took me a moment to work out what he was saying, and a few seconds after that to twig that he was talking about my half-asleep, angry call. I said I didn't appreciate some tosser waking me up without good reason. He said it was him.
"I did it because you didn't respond." Did what - rang the doorbell because I didn't come to the door?
It took me ages to realise that he meant posted the card because I hadn't responded to the doorbell. I think my brain froze because it reminded me of Merv, when he explained that he'd "had to" lean on the doorbell because I hadn't responded the first time he rang. Being Merv, he assumed that I hadn't heard the bell. It wouldn't occur to him in a million years that I might be unable or even unwilling to answer the door. Surely all I do is sit around all day waiting for him to call?
Surely the whole point of getting smart literature is to leave it without disturbing the householder?
"You might have wanted a quote."
If I wanted a quote, I'd ring for one.
I then said another sentence containing the word tosser, and he went off on one.
"So don't you go calling me a tosser, LUV..."
I was getting pretty bored by then, so I cut him off in mid-flow with
Thank you for calling. Goodbye.
and quietly put the phone down. No, he didn't phone back.
A few hours later, I spotted a little flyer inside the letterbox, neatly printed in black on white cartridge paper. Dear householder, my name is... and all the things he can do. It ends with a facsimile of a signature, which looks like it's been done by someone even older than me. But he also presents himself as offering all the advantages of rent-a-husband, and none of the burden of giving a husband house room.
Oh - the line about never winning an argument with a customer? Well, of course you can win the argument. You just lose the customer. Always assuming you had her in the first place.
Throw clothes on, grab bag, get downstairs in thirty seconds. Nobody on the doorstep. Just a glossy postcard poked half-way through the letterbox, with shiny pictures of trees, and contact numbers, one free phone and one mobile phone, for a tree surgeon. Surely the whole point of getting smart shiny literature printed is to be able to post it without disturbing the householder - and I've been woken up for a postcard?
I immediately made a bad-tempered phone call to the free number on the card, and left a message to the effect that the idiot distributor had left the card sticking out of the letterbox - not a good look, unless you're The Burglar - but, more importantly, didn't need to disturb me by ringing the (expletive deleted) bell to tell me they were leaving a card.
Where I live has been designated a "no cold calling" area, not that there's any point mentioning it, or that anyone will take any notice of it. People will carry on doing what they've always done, except that they will now tie themselves in knots to deny that they're selling anything. Oh no - disseminating information, promoting a special offer, may I be struck by lightning if I try to sell you anything but I'm conducting a survey into why people haven't got Sky TV.
No point trying to go back to sleep. Pour a smoothie, put kettle on, make tea, try and wake up.
Half an hour later, the phone rang. It was a weary-sounding young male voice, mumbling that he'd missed a call from my number. He didn't bother to say who he was. It took me a moment to work out what he was saying, and a few seconds after that to twig that he was talking about my half-asleep, angry call. I said I didn't appreciate some tosser waking me up without good reason. He said it was him.
"I did it because you didn't respond." Did what - rang the doorbell because I didn't come to the door?
It took me ages to realise that he meant posted the card because I hadn't responded to the doorbell. I think my brain froze because it reminded me of Merv, when he explained that he'd "had to" lean on the doorbell because I hadn't responded the first time he rang. Being Merv, he assumed that I hadn't heard the bell. It wouldn't occur to him in a million years that I might be unable or even unwilling to answer the door. Surely all I do is sit around all day waiting for him to call?
Surely the whole point of getting smart literature is to leave it without disturbing the householder?
"You might have wanted a quote."
If I wanted a quote, I'd ring for one.
I then said another sentence containing the word tosser, and he went off on one.
"So don't you go calling me a tosser, LUV..."
I was getting pretty bored by then, so I cut him off in mid-flow with
Thank you for calling. Goodbye.
and quietly put the phone down. No, he didn't phone back.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A few hours later, I spotted a little flyer inside the letterbox, neatly printed in black on white cartridge paper. Dear householder, my name is... and all the things he can do. It ends with a facsimile of a signature, which looks like it's been done by someone even older than me. But he also presents himself as offering all the advantages of rent-a-husband, and none of the burden of giving a husband house room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh - the line about never winning an argument with a customer? Well, of course you can win the argument. You just lose the customer. Always assuming you had her in the first place.
17 Comments:
I wish I could think of things to say as fast as you do.
One question..what is a "tosser"?
I promise to not ring your doorbell. I like my head on my shoulders.
I love your independence. Excellent!
By Deunan, Aug 20 09 10:37 PM
So do I - I'm a lot of things, but not quick-thinking - ever. Tosser isn't a compliment, but I'm sure you got that. It's an onanist, a wanker, someone who gets lots of sex but never with anyone else in the room.
Ring my doorbell any time. I'll put the kettle on and get the HobNobs out.
By lesley153, Aug 21 09 4:55 AM
Thinks - he was obviously cold-calling, canvassing for business, and it occurs to me that I would have been even more annoyed if I'd opened the door to an unannounced stranger offering to look at my trees. Fat lot of use a "no cold calling" area turns out to be!
By lesley153, Aug 21 09 4:59 AM
Hi Lesley! Cold-callers are cold-callers whether they admit to selling things or not. I have more time, albeit a very little, for those who admit to door to door selling than those who spin what they are doing.
I used to live in a rather rural area and it was well out of the way and thus never really had the problem of cold-calling but a few years ago I moved close to the town centre and it is a prime spot for such an odious activity.
Part 1/2
By jonnowales, Aug 21 09 5:21 AM
So after a few months of these people trying to "notify us of certain 'offers'" I have decided I am not opening the door to them even if I am a couple of steps away. Whilst sitting in the living room enjoying what the TV has to offer, I will hear a knock and I will just ignore it. If it was family they would have been able to come in without knocking and if we were expecting any company they would have phoned. So, after I have ignored them they can often see me sitting there as they pass the window. On occasions they have actually come back and knocked again...they didn't think I'd answer second time around?
By jonnowales, Aug 21 09 5:25 AM
They might have done, Jon! Perhaps they thought you didn't hear them the first three times?
There are still people who think dialling a phone number, or ringing a doorbell, gives them divine right of response. Like Merv, they have the right to lean on the doorbell till your blood pressure goes up so much that you have to answer, just to shut them up.
I'm getting better at letting the phone ring, though. What did we do before Caller ID?
By lesley153, Aug 21 09 6:39 AM
My mother was of a generation that always wore skirts. One day she was on all fours in her back garden weeding when a sudden gust of wind blew her skirt forwards.
At that very moment a religious cold-caller, having given up trying to get an answer at the front door, opened the back gate and walked past the kitchen door into the back garden and said, as the skirt flew over mother's head, "Jehovah Witnesses, madam." My mother said "Then he must be a dirty old man!"
She was never bothered by them again, lol.
By flopsymopsy, Aug 21 09 9:13 AM
Fortunatly not many people make it to the door, having to go past the "No tresspassing. Violators will be shot, survivors will be shot again" sign, and two large dogs. I figure if they make it to the door with no assistance I can at least hear part of their pitch. Phone calls though, no. I finally told one guy that for future reference some of us work nights and I'm sleeping. He didn't call back but another person did, same company. Like I'm going to forget they woke me up. And you're right. A company like that aren't going to be getting any customers that way.
By rayven80, Aug 21 09 12:23 PM
Interesting method of drawing up business for a tree surgeon! Personally, I would recommend that he simply perform several flyer drops. That way he could cover far more ground than stopping to get kicked from every doorstep along his way! You either need him or you don't, there's no need for random quotes. I appreciate that people who have new businesses need to find some way of growing their concern, but there are more effective and less painful ways.
As for never winning arguments with customers... oh yes you can :)
By nasty_liar, Aug 21 09 1:34 PM
Anyone who had marched into my back garden like that would have got a hoe round the back of his skull.
I want a "no trespassing" sign like that!
You can? win an argument, without alienating the customer for ever? How? tell all!
By lesley153, Aug 21 09 2:27 PM
You sort of can, if you can imply without overtly stating (and make them realize) that they are the ones being 'tossers' :P
I've had that happen when I worked at the supermarket. Despite any "I'm never shopping here again!" they usually sheepishly returned and shopped quietly without a fuss. And if they did never return, well we weren't sad to see the last of them.
By guitargoddess, Aug 22 09 12:51 PM
Yesterday I convinced someone who came in adamantly protesting that she had the incorrect size of an item that we had sold her and wanting a refund or exchange, she left with the same item that she had walked in with, but I spent about 10 minutes personally dealing with her and taking the time to show her the other sizes and explain why we had given her that one. She left with the same item. She came in frowning and left smiling, it is all about how you win the argument.
There were other options to me with that customer, give in immediately to her wants because 'the customer is always right', or I could have refused to come over and told my assistants that we operate a no refund policy. Or I could have gone over there and explained in no uncertain terms that she would not get a refund.
This works both ways, if I ran a business where I was not required to be professional at all times then I would quite happily alienate certain customers on purpose if they are obnoxious. I take enormous pride in my customer service, but sadly, it is never enough for some people (but I'm required to deal with them as I do everyone else).
Haha, I've had that countless times GG, 'I'm never coming here again!' with prompt turn of heel and sharp walk to the door. Then they are back next month because they've realised that they were being unreasonable themselves... or they tried someone else and realised that I wasn't as bad as they thought I was.
By nasty_liar, Aug 22 09 3:07 PM
If you can spend ten minutes giving a customer a patient and intelligent explanation of why you did what you did, than your pride is very well placed. When are you opening in Bedford?
By lesley153, Aug 22 09 6:15 PM
Great job, Lesley! Score one for the customer! :)
What are HobNobs?
By bionic4ever, Aug 24 09 6:07 PM
Thanks, Beth!
They're lovely and crunchy, delicious oaty biscuits, as popular here as Oreos are in - er - other places. :)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HobNob
They can be plain or half-covered with chocolate.
Garry bought some in Oklahoma, and one of his blogs has a picture of his wife dunking one in a cup of tea.
By lesley153, Aug 24 09 7:15 PM
I still eat them, very good, I can't have them often due to my type two diabietes but oh they are delicious.
By garrysouders, Aug 24 09 7:38 PM
Does that mean you will have a few left over to make a spoof ad for them?
By lesley153, Aug 25 09 11:42 AM