Poetry
Today, as some of you may know, is the world day of Poetry. It's also the day for the Forest and for Racial Discrimination, but those I'm going to overlook. So, here you go... A poem... By Me.
Chronicles of my Forlorn Fate
I am me, myself, and I,
And that I’ll be until I die.
A child of bewildered nature
Now taking part in the rupture
Of our fragile little word,
Yet just a fragile little girl.
I am me, myself, and I,
And that I’ll be until I die.
Of bewildered nature born,
Brought to this world condemned to mourn
The wounds I know will never heal;
All I trust’s the pain I feel.
I am me, myself and I,
And that I’ll be until I die.
Left alone, locked in this cell,
And suddenly I’m trapped in hell;
And despite I know it will not end…
I just wish this pain would mend.
Closing my eyes I know what’s real:
Although these wounds will never heal,
Although I’m locked up in this cell,
And find myself alone in hell,
I am me, myself, and I,
And that I’ll be… until I die.
Alright. Please leave a comment and let me know if I've messed you up and should never write again, or if you, by chance, liked it...
4 Comments:
Hi aldebaran. First, thank you for recognizing World Poetry Day by writing...that's wonderful.
You should never let anyone tell you not to write again. Many of the world's greatest writers got such advice, and we should be very glad they didn't heed it. Who knows what wonders the world lost when others stopped writing?
If you'd like a detailed critique of your work from someone who's participated in quite a few poetry workshops, drop me a line and let me know. Often when people ask for feedback, they don't really want critique, just a short opinion...so here's mine. Your poem shows promise but could use some work in some areas since some of the lines are awkward and it's a little over-the-top dramatic. Its most effective quality is its repetition, which works quite well. Again, thank you for this one.
Regards,
*deedee*
http://members.tripod.com/deedee.poetry
By LilahDeDah, Mar 21 06 12:30 PM
Dear aldebaran,
Short message.My 1st was so long it
crashed. I think you write beautifully.
I'm impressed.But I think you should
take up Lilah's offer.Sounds helpful.
About Zach, I suspect he reallly likes
you,know what I mean? Suggest you sound
him out& let him down gently if you don't reciprocate.
Thanks for writing to Cool Klutz &
being supportive.She writes very well
too & really needs support.Bye now
temujin
By temujin2020, Mar 26 06 3:34 PM
I liked it. The drama resembles what the world feels like to someone who's lonely and depressed. The amount of drama depends on the impression you're going for and the audience you write for. It's written well enough that I think you know a few of the lines are a little awkward, but I'm glad you posted it! Feel free to share more!
By kaylofgorons, Apr 24 06 5:03 PM
I thought it was great, the only thing I wasn't a big fan of is the colour, it's really hard to read!
By misskatilynn, May 09 06 12:43 PM