A Disturbing Incident
I just witnessed something this morning that broke my heart on a number of levels. I work in a relatively high-end salon and have done hair for 30 years. When I arrived at the salon today, my client, Roger, was sitting in the waiting area. The only other person up front was a lovely, older black woman, who stood there hesitantly and unsure of herself, while holding her purse and an old plastic bag with several bottles in it.
I smiled a big grin at her and asked, ‘Darlin’, could I help you?’. She hesitated and said that someone was checking to see if there was anyone who could shampoo her hair and put a rinse on it. She had a lovely little round, white ‘afro’, which was adorable and suited her meek personality. A really sweet grandmotherly type. I said, ‘Why, I’m sure I can find someone to do that for you. What’s your name, dear heart?’.
She said her name was Dorothy, and that she had her own ‘Shimmerlites’ shampoo and her Roux Fanci-ful ‘Steel Blue’ rinse to put on afterward. I asked if she needed a haircut or to have it styled or set in any way, and she replied, ’No, just a shampoo’. I told Roger to give me just a minute and asked Dorothy to have a seat, and I would make sure someone would come up straight away and take care of her.
There were several stylists in the back room doing nothing at the time, and a couple of them were in the middle of a three hour block of time with nothing on their book. (I had checked at the desk before heading back). I asked if anyone could shampoo that sweet little old lady, and put a rinse on for her. The reply I got was both disappointing and stunning in it’s ignorance and selfish disregard. They said that someone had already talked to her (apparently leaving her hanging with no clarity), and that they didn’t have time to do her hair and didn’t want to set or style it. I said, ’What do you mean you don’t have time? You’re not doing anything for a couple of hours, and she doesn’t even need a cut or set. She just wants her hair shampooed and a rinse put on’. The girl was convinced that the woman wanted her hair fixed also, but I told her that I just spent a couple of minutes talking to her and she assured me otherwise.
So the girl headed up front (with an attitude) as I got Roger and brought him back to shampoo him. The next thing I knew, the lady is leaving and the stylist said, as she walked by me, that she suggested a salon down the way a few doors. I was incensed. I would have gladly taken 5 or 6 minutes to shampoo that sweet little lady myself. Roger even said he would have been more than happy to wait or even reschedule if necessary (which was very nice of him). But she was gone, and my heart was broken.
Broken, not for the loss of income (LOL - I wouldn’t have charged her for something so simple anyway). Broken, not for the woman, who, at her age, has probably experienced similar episodes in her life and was mature enough to reconcile the hurt that being brushed off causes. But my heart was sad because I’ll never be able to fully and openly relate to that hairstylist again, knowing she has that kind of spirit.
You could argue the premise that hair salons seem to embrace and accept a natural segregation process due to the difference in texture and chemistry among the world’s ethnic groups. But I don’t buy that. And after all she just wanted her hair shampooed. Was it class-ism? Racism? The root of these maladies, I believe, is always fear and ignorance. I’m not sure, but the stylist missed out on a wonderful opportunity to learn more about someone who was obviously interesting and probably had a lot to share. She also missed out on being able to serve someone else’s needs and dote on them for a while to give them a sense of love and caring that we crave as human beings.
Years ago, I had a client whose hair I had done for some time. I liked doing her hair. I liked her as a person. One day, in a total shock to what I knew of her character, during one of our discussions, she leaned into me and quietly said, ‘This city is going downhill. Can you believe all the ‘ni**ers’ and Mexicans that are moving in?’. I was shocked and dismayed, partly because I had thought better of her, and partly because I knew that I would never look at her the same again. She very shortly worked her way out of my clientele.
I left the salon after I finished Roger’s hair. I went ‘down the way’ and found Dorothy as she was coming out of the other store. I told her how sorry and embarrassed that I was that that had happened. I assured her that I would be glad to shampoo her hair and put her rinse on any time, and I bid her a great day. She was, of course, very sweet, and had the class and maturity that I had figured her to possess.
I believe that we ‘store up treasures’ by our actions. I also believe that you don’t sow thistle seeds and expect corn to grow. And I believe, ultimately, we all receive the reward that our life’s efforts have built. Karma can be a fearful partner if you walk through life with selfish indulgence, bitterness and bigotry in your heart. I believe that my relationship with several stylists that I work with, has been changed.
(I hope you had a great day, Dorothy)
12 Comments:
Hairdressing is surely about people, long before it's about technical skills. Not only did the "stylist" spurn Dorothy, she also undermined you.
She's in the wrong job. She needs to realise that the greatest skills in the world are worthless if she isn't part of humanity. Let's hope that she realises this soon, and removes herself from your working life before very long. She can retrain as a computer programmer or a lighthouse-keeper.
By lesley153, Apr 01 09 9:25 PM
Dorothy will never come back to your salon. I'm sorry Bob, but after realizing the stylists attitude, I would have let Roger hang out, and taken the 15 minutes for Dorothy, myself. The whole thing is shameful.
By veronikkamarrz, Apr 01 09 9:32 PM
Leslie, you couldn't be more right. Very insightful
Veronikka - that was the whole point of my frustration. I thought she was going up to take care of her. The lady was gone before I knew it, or I would have gotten her myself.
I managed a salon for better than twenty years. The place I'm at now is totally independent renters. I have no say so. I my salon years ago, the stylist would likely have been fired.
By bobcat88, Apr 01 09 9:48 PM
Perhaps this is my naive-ness showing, but... I don't understand why the stylists at your salon would have refused her service? Even she did want a haircut or more?
By guitargoddess, Apr 01 09 9:51 PM
It truly is a sad thing. It is very sad that people feel they have the right to look down on others. In that same train of thought, I think that racism (most of the time) is such a problem because we won't stop talking about it. Sure there are people who genuinelly (however misguided) have a bias, but the so called "hate crimes" don't do anything but foster racism.
Ivy
By schex, Apr 01 09 10:25 PM
Hi Bob. That is very disheartening to hear about the way Dorothy was treated. This attitude, like the one of your stylist, seems to be more common these days in young people. This incident could be taken as prejudice on two levels, one against African Americans and one against senior citizens (or the elderly). I know of doctors turning away patients because they wanted to limit the number of elderly people in their practice. I've seen retail people shy away from seniors because they spend less and take up more transaction time.
It's shameful, and I'm very sorry it happened at your salon. Thanks for sharing the story, we can only learn from things like this.
By Squisher, Apr 01 09 11:37 PM
You are very right, Squisher. I too was trying to determine the particular motivation of the stylist.
class-ism?, she wasn't going to spend much at all.
racism?
age-ism?
Whatever the motivation, it was disheartening, and like you, I see this more and more in a self indulgent younger generation. I feel it's my obligation to extend myself to a fellow human being in an effort to connect to them on a level that celebrates our common humanity. So many young people are far too engaged with notions of fullfilling their owns desires above anything else. And many have become so immersed in the age of technology that they have never developed their personal communication skills.
By bobcat88, Apr 01 09 11:54 PM
The sad thing is that the girl responsible will probably never know or comprehend how hurtful her reaction must have been to Dorothy. Imagine the simple pleasure she could have gained from helping a lady feel good about herself. She will be the loser at the end of the day. xx
By midsomerval, Apr 02 09 2:56 AM
This somehow struck a familiar chord with me. And I'm wondering if the girl was more put off by the grey hair than the colour of your Dorothy's skin. This is something I've thought about a lot lately, because I notice it more and more. Thanks to our youth worshipping society, I find that many kids have an absolute aversion to being around old people or interacting with them in any way.
By ktstew, Apr 02 09 4:51 AM
It might have been racism or ageism or something as simple as dollarism... sorry, greed. She might have thought that a Little Old Lady, standing quietly in the corner waiting to be noticed, wouldn't be good for much of a tip so wasn't worth bothering with. One thing you can be confident of - she will never have a salon of her own. Or, if someone buys it for her, she will undoubtedly run it into the ground.
By lesley153, Apr 02 09 10:18 AM
People make judgments of others on many levels.Race and age are only two of them.They also judge you if you have a handicap,if you are overweight,if you aren't pretty,how you are dressed,if you go to church or not,sometimes even which church.No matter what criteria they use,any judgment of another without knowing them is wrong.Everyone on the planet has a heart and soul and we all bleed red if we are cut.
Sorry.Bob,maybe I should have done my own blog.
Love you.ox
By Joybaby, Apr 02 09 11:10 AM
I've just come back from having my hair cut, by the owner of a local salon. I told her about this, and her gasp was loud enough to lift the roof.
She thought the girl needed to be disciplined, if only for bringing the salon into disrepute. And she didn't think Dorothy would be back either. I don't think any of us did really.
By lesley153, Apr 03 09 9:58 AM