Parental Expectations
Won't somebody tell me what they expect from me?
I'm different. I know I am. I'm not like any other girl at my school. Unlike them, I don't dress in skirts that look more like belts, have a hairstyle that the Inquisition would consider heresy or talk in a high flirty voice. I wear the clothes I find more confortable, my hairstyle has more hair than style and my voice is just, well, normal, and always quoting uninteresting facts instead of pointing out how incredibly manly someone's voice is.
No, I'm not that much of a popular person. I don't have loads of friends/followers. I have friends. I have four friends, one of them having recently moved away, so I am rather glum about making new friends. I focuse a lot on my studies and read a lot. I spend a rather considerable amount of time with my nose in a book or writing about some weird world in some other universe. A Universe where things are all right.
My mother always seems to be expecting something else. My mother stares at me strangely when I walk in the house with my friend Danny, she is constantly asking me if I'm going to this 'funky party she heard about at the disco'. I stare blankly and say I don't like the disco, because it's loud and crowded. She always seems like something smells, and walks away. She expects me to be someone else. She asked me once 'Dear, how many friends have you?' 'I don't count often mother' I dodged the subject. 'Count now.' 'Four. Four, mum.' 'Why don't you make new friends?' 'I'm perfectly happy with the ones I have now.' 'But you're so pretty. A pretty girl like you could be so popular.' I pretended I wasn't listening any more, and kept reading.
What does she expect from me? Are all parents like this? Expecting children to be something they're not? I'd easily understand it if she wanted me to be something better, but I don't understand it when she wants me to be someone different. Heck! I'm doing my best here! You've been a teenager, you know what I'm going through. Why does she press me?
If you're a parent reading this, defend the honour of all parents and explain this yearning to turn the child into someone different. Thanks.
Cheers mates.
9 Comments:
It only takes one person to be a friend, and that is enough for many. Four spectacular friends are better than a hundred uncaring "friends".
Popularity is only a mirage. Don't ever make yourself feel unworthy because you're not in the "popular" group. Life isn't about popularity, and those that believe otherwise are in for a rude awakening. Stay strong aldebran.
By trident87, Mar 03 06 2:30 PM
Trident's got it, so I won't try to repeat what he's saying.
I don't want to try and defend your mother to you, because I don't really know where she's coming from. But, if I *were* to say something like that to one of my kids it would probably be because I was worried that he/she was unhappy. Since you're NOT unhappy, that is not your case. Maybe you and your mom need to talk about this, preferably when both of you are not stressed or worried about other stuff.
By ertrum, Mar 03 06 2:49 PM
"Won't somebody tell me what they expect from me?"
If you were my daughter, I hope I'd tell you this: "I expect that you will do well in school, that you will make the best decisions you are able to make, and that you will grow up into the person you're supposed to be." The really hard part, for parents, is letting their kids do that without feeling like we've got to correct the paths they're going on. Sometimes, we're trying to relive our youths through you, which is just unfair. Other times, we remember (usually painfully) the mistakes we made when we were growing up, and are trying to keep you from repeating them. Other times, we're just dumb.
I take comfort in a couple authors quotes:
Mark Twain: "When I was 15, I was frustrated at how stupid my father was. By the time I was 21, I was amazed how much he had learned."
Pat Conroy: "It's our duty to ruin your lives. If we don't, we didn't do our jobs"
(both paraphrased, probably -- old, failing memory.)
By ertrum, Mar 03 06 2:57 PM
Thanks so much. That helped me a lot. :) I'm sure my mother's just confused. I understand that being a mother must be a huge responsibility. Some time, I'll probably get to understand her, and perhaps *shiver* turn into her. But I have to say, parents are as scared of letting their children making the mistakes they made when they were children as the children are to make the mistakes the parents made when they become parents. I don't know if that sentense is well-phrased, but you'll probably get the point.
By aldebaran, Mar 03 06 3:21 PM
I don't want to sound rude, but are you gothic? Your description matches a gothic person in some ways.
By iamtheotaku, Mar 03 06 7:54 PM
LOL some people do consider me a bit of a goth, but I'm not quite into labels.
By aldebaran, Mar 04 06 7:46 AM
I think it's really cool that you're from Portugal, and even cooler (in some ways) that your mom does to you exactly the same thing that my mom does to me. My mom keeps saying stuff like "It's Friday night, why aren't you with your firends?" or "Why don't you ever go to the mall to hang out with your friends" or even "Why don't you have more friends?" (which I find really rude and mean). I have 3 good friends, plus a little brother who is 2 years younger than me and sometimes is like a very good friend, and I invite my friends over often enough. I don't know why my mom cares so much! If she wants me to be happy, why does she make rude and nasty comments about my social life to me?!
By luvtheheaven, Mar 05 06 2:22 PM
Hey What's up Who is your Favorite Actor frm School of Rock?
By Dav546, Mar 06 06 5:35 PM
I totally agree, luvtheheaven. I think that it's probably because my mum wasn't much of a popular girl in her day (no offense to her of course) and is trying to be one through me, to make sure I'm not hurting or something. I'M NOT HURTING, I'M PERFECTLY HAPPY! But I obviously don't have the nerve to talk to her like that. *shrugs* who does?
By aldebaran, Mar 09 06 12:32 PM