Special Sub-Topic: Am I A Battered Woman? Click Here To Play: Am I A Battered Woman?

Domestic Violence (DV) is just getting beaten up.

F. False. DV is comprised of 3 components; physical, emotional and sexual. Victims of emotional abuse and sexual abuse (which includes marital rape) are also considered battered women.

Physical abuse is defined as any action taken where harmful physical contact is done. What is emotional abuse defined as?

Any verbal action that makes the victim feel badly about herself.. Emotional abuse is any verbal action that makes the victim feel badly about herself. This can be calling the victim bad names, making her feel badly about herself, intimidation, using money to control victim, using children to control victim, threatening the safety of the victim, their children or others important to the victim, telling the victim that she is worthless, fat, ugly, that no decent man would ever want her, etc. Another big one is constant criticism of everything and anything she does.

Sexual abuse is defined as beating the victim on sexual parts, such as genitalia or chest/breasts, forcing the victim to have sex when she doesn't want to, forcing victim to have sex with others when she doesn't want to, forcing victim into doing sexual activities that she (victim) does not feel comfortable with, etc.

T. True. A woman's body is her own and not the property of the abuser. No one should be forced to have sexual relations when they don't wish to or do anything sexually that they are not comfortable with. Love making is not a 'cure all' for marital problems, nor should it be painful or embarassing.

In domestic violence, a victim may be related by blood to her abuser.

T. True. A victim can be a mother, daughter, grandmother, cousin, aunt, or any other blood relation.

In domestic violence, a victim may have lived with her abuser (not married to him).

T. True. Girlfriends can be victims also. If a couple has cohabitated and abuse results it is considered Domestic Violence.

Domestic violence only happens in heterosexual relationships.

F. False. DV happens in homosexual as well as heterosexual couples.

He just gave me a little shove. Am I a battered woman?

Y. Any physical violence is abuse. A little shove in anger can lead to bigger and more intense injury later.

57% of abusers who attend batterer's counseling (also called anger management) actually stop abusing their victims.

F. False. He will attend if he is ordered by the court, but the violence probably won't stop. If he goes to appease the victim and keep her from leaving him, he won't stop. If an abuser goes to batterer's counseling for himself, only 1% actually stop abusing their partners.

Abusers often become jealous of their pregnant partners.

T. When the abuser sees his victim getting 'compliments on her glow', extra concern or attention with the pregnancy, he becomes jealous of the attention his victim is getting.

Violence often increases when the victim is pregnant.

T. The violence can escalate if the abuser becomes jealous of the attention his pregnant victim gets. He begins to think and accuse the victim of cheating on him, etc. He also become jealous of the child after birth when the mother pays attention to the baby. As a result, violence can escalate.

Separation violence (when the abused leaves the abuser) can be very vicious and malicious.

T. True. When the abuser discovers that his victim has left him, he becomes frantic and irrational. He searches for her, can stalk her, harasses her at home and work, cries and pleads for another chance and when that doesn't work, he will try to threaten her and intimidate her to return to him. If that doesn't work, the violence can be so fierce that the victim can either be hospitalized or murdered. If she does go back to her abuser, he may be nice at first or not, but inevitably he will remember that she left him and he will 'punish' her severely - even to the point of killing her.

My husband always makes fun of me in front of family and friends. Am I a victim of abuse?

Y. Yes. When an abuser constantly makes fun or is critical of his victim, whether in private or in public, it is considered emotional abuse as it lowers her self-esteem and humiliates or embarasses her.

Can a domestic violence victim of emotional abuse get help from a shelter?

Y. Yes. In the U.S., if an abuser has threatened and intimidated the victim to the point that she believes that he may harm her, she can be accepted into a shelter. She may also receive battered women's counseling and not be a resident of the shelter. Shelters are usually non-profit organizations and their services are free.

Regular counselors and battered women counselors are the same thing.

F. False. Battered women's counselors, for the most part, are also survivors of DV themselves where regular counselors are not, again for the most part. The approach to and treatment of battered women are quite different between the two types of counselors. While some battered women's counselors do have college degrees, the Battered Women's Movement is still considered a 'grass roots movement' and doesn't always require college degrees for one to become a counselor. There is specific training involved with becoming a battered women's counselor, but a degree is not always required. Sometimes experience is the best teacher and allows for a better flow of empathy between the battered women's counselor and the client.

Abusers choose to abuse.

T. True. Nowadays, the mental health community likes to label everyone and the most popular diagnosis for abusers is Narcissistic Disorder, but when it is all said and done, the abuser chooses to abuse his victim. Domestic Violence is a power and control situation. If the abuser has no power or control in his own life, he chooses to abuse his victim to make her compliant and obedient to his every demand so that he, in turn, feels that he has all the power and control. To the abuser, this shows that he is "The Man".