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#335346 - Sun Dec 10 2006 09:34 AM Bad Jokes? Post Here!
IbizaChick1 Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Sun Dec 10 2006
Posts: 1
OK.. i'll goo first.. my joke is terrible..

Q: How do computers make jumpers?


A: On the inter - KNIT


Whats your bad joke? =)

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#335347 - Thu Dec 14 2006 09:57 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: IbizaChick1]
maggotbrain Offline
Participant

Registered: Mon Sep 11 2006
Posts: 17
Loc: England UK
Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

Q: Why are pirates called pirates?
A: Because they aaaare.

Q: Why are pirates fit?
A: Gym lad!

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#335348 - Sat Dec 16 2006 07:44 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: maggotbrain]
tim10001 Offline
Prolific

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 1006
Loc: Concord
  California USA   
Why do cannibals not eat clowns?


Because they taste funny!

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#335349 - Sat Dec 16 2006 08:51 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: tim10001]
prof_electro Offline
Explorer

Registered: Sun Aug 27 2006
Posts: 86
Loc: Reno Nevada USA          
Why did the moron bring a ladder to the party? Because the drinks were on the house.

What happend to the fast worker when he got old? He became half fast.

What would you get if Lassie married a cantaloupe? A melancholy baby.
_________________________
Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death. (from Auntie Mame)

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#335350 - Sun Dec 17 2006 01:09 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: prof_electro]
Bruyere Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat Feb 10 2001
Posts: 18396
Loc: California USA
Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his uncle in the jungle?
_________________________
I was born under a wandering star.

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#335351 - Sun Dec 17 2006 06:42 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Bruyere]
pu2-ke-qi-ri Offline
Explorer

Registered: Wed Aug 10 2005
Posts: 93
Loc: Austin Texas USA
Q: An engineer walks into a bar. What does he order?
A: A statistical study of the height of people living in that area and the cost of adjusting the bar so that the bar can be raised according to the best cost/benefit analysis.

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#335352 - Sun Dec 17 2006 08:19 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: pu2-ke-qi-ri]
ozzz2002 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Mon Dec 03 2001
Posts: 17241
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia        
Q- What do you call eleven lawyers buried up their necks in your lawn?

A- Soccer practice...
_________________________
The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not smashing it.

Editor, Hobbies and Sports, and Forum Moderator

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#335353 - Wed Dec 20 2006 11:15 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: ozzz2002]
Bruyere Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat Feb 10 2001
Posts: 18396
Loc: California USA
What do termites eat for breakfast?
Oakmeal.


What do bees do if they don't want to drive?
Wait at the buzz stop.


Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."

(Bruyere is a sucker for parrot humor).

How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.



What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.
_________________________
I was born under a wandering star.

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#335354 - Wed Dec 20 2006 01:24 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Bruyere]
prof_electro Offline
Explorer

Registered: Sun Aug 27 2006
Posts: 86
Loc: Reno Nevada USA          
One flea said to the other: "Do you want to walk or shall we take a dog?"
_________________________
Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death. (from Auntie Mame)

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#335355 - Wed Dec 20 2006 04:08 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: prof_electro]
ozzz2002 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Mon Dec 03 2001
Posts: 17241
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia        
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

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#335356 - Sat Jan 06 2007 05:17 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: ozzz2002]
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1816
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Q. What do you call a deer without eyes?

A. No idea.

Q. What do you call a deer without eyes or legs?

A. Still no idea.

Q. What do you call a dog with no legs?

A. Anything, but it still won't come to you.
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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#335357 - Sat Jan 06 2007 11:01 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
fenian8 Offline
Participant

Registered: Sat Jan 06 2007
Posts: 5
Loc: Scotland UK
Keep them clean please.


Edited by sue943 (Tue Jan 09 2007 06:51 AM)

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#335358 - Sat Jan 06 2007 11:04 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: IbizaChick1]
fenian8 Offline
Participant

Registered: Sat Jan 06 2007
Posts: 5
Loc: Scotland UK
What`s green and wears oven gloves?


A cooking apple!



Edited by sue943 (Tue Jan 09 2007 06:52 AM)

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#335359 - Sun Jan 07 2007 12:06 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: fenian8]
Copago Offline
Moderator

Registered: Tue May 15 2001
Posts: 14161
Loc: Australia
Or a deer with no eyes, no legs and has been shot? Still no bloody idea.

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#335360 - Mon Jan 08 2007 02:02 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Copago]
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1816
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Touche, Fenian and Copago.

Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs under a pile of leaves?

A. Russell
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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#335361 - Mon Jan 08 2007 07:33 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
skunkee Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Thu Oct 16 2003
Posts: 9029
Loc: Burlington Ontario Canada  
Q. What do you call a man with no arms in a pool?

A. Bob
_________________________
Editor: Movies/Celebrities/Crosswords

"To insult someone we call him 'bestial'. For deliberate cruelty and nature, 'human' might be the greater insult." - Isaac Asimov

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#335362 - Mon Jan 08 2007 08:07 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: skunkee]
angel_us Offline
Participant

Registered: Thu Jun 29 2006
Posts: 47
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia      
How did the intruder get into the house?

Intruder window.

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#335363 - Tue Jan 09 2007 02:39 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: angel_us]
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1816
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying in a hole?

A. Phil
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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#335364 - Tue Jan 09 2007 05:52 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
Copago Offline
Moderator

Registered: Tue May 15 2001
Posts: 14161
Loc: Australia
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs with a rabbit up his behind?

Warren

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#335365 - Tue Jan 09 2007 07:12 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Copago]
LeoDaVinci Offline
Moderator

Registered: Fri Mar 23 2001
Posts: 10263
Loc: Ontario Canada
Q. What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in front of your door?

A. Matt
_________________________
"La divina podestate, la somma sapienza e 'l primo amore."
--------------------
Editor - General, Literature, Religion

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#335366 - Tue Jan 09 2007 09:57 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: LeoDaVinci]
angel_us Offline
Participant

Registered: Thu Jun 29 2006
Posts: 47
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia      
What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

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#335367 - Tue Jan 09 2007 09:57 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: LeoDaVinci]
lady1 Offline
Champion Poster

Registered: Wed Jun 07 2006
Posts: 20697
Loc: Gauteng South Africa          
Q. What do you call a man with a slice of ham on his head?

A. Ham-head

Q. What do you call a man with 2 slices of ham on his head?

A. Mo-ham-head
_________________________
"If Life Were Easy Where Would All The Adventure Be?"

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#335368 - Tue Jan 09 2007 11:17 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: lady1]
skunkee Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Thu Oct 16 2003
Posts: 9029
Loc: Burlington Ontario Canada  
Q. What's the difference between an elephant and a grape?

A, One is grey and the other is purple.


Q. What did Jane say when she say the elephants coming over the hill?

A. Here come the elephants.


Q. What did Tarzan say when he say the elephants coming over the hill?

A. Here come the grapes; he was colour blind.
_________________________
Editor: Movies/Celebrities/Crosswords

"To insult someone we call him 'bestial'. For deliberate cruelty and nature, 'human' might be the greater insult." - Isaac Asimov

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#335369 - Tue Jan 09 2007 11:37 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: skunkee]
Bruyere Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat Feb 10 2001
Posts: 18396
Loc: California USA
If fruit comes from a fruit tree, where does chicken come from? -- a poul-tree

What did the tree say to the mountain? -- stop peaking at me

What do sneezes wear on their feet? -- ahh-shoes

Why did the banana leave the cinema-the film didn't appeal to him

Why did the little cookie (biscuit) cry? -- because his mother was a wafer so longWhat do you do when you have no rubber bands? -- find a plastic orchestra

how does a man on the moon get his hair cut? -- eclipse it
_________________________
I was born under a wandering star.

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#335370 - Wed Jan 10 2007 03:31 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Bruyere]
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1816
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Q. What do you call aman with no arms and no legs, nailed to your wall?

A. Art


Q. What do you call his arms and legs, nailed to the other wall?

A. Pieces of Art
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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