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#335371 - Wed Jan 10 2007 11:23 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
lady1 Offline
Champion Poster

Registered: Wed Jun 07 2006
Posts: 20697
Loc: Gauteng South Africa          
What do you get if you cross James Dean and George W. Bush?


A rebel without a clue
_________________________
"If Life Were Easy Where Would All The Adventure Be?"

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#335372 - Wed Jan 10 2007 03:41 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: lady1]
ozzz2002 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Mon Dec 03 2001
Posts: 17240
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia        
What is it that you can sleep on, sit on and brush your teeth with?

A bed, a chair and a toothbrush...
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The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not smashing it.

Editor, Hobbies and Sports, and Forum Moderator

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#335373 - Thu Jan 11 2007 02:07 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: ozzz2002]
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1816
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Q. What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

A. Doug
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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#335374 - Thu Jan 11 2007 06:24 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
gtho4 Online   FT-blank

Administrator

Registered: Sun Dec 26 1999
Posts: 40954
Loc: Sydney oz downunder           
Did you hear about the little old lady who walked into the real estate office, with a 50 dollar note in her left ear, and a 100 dollar note in her right ear?

Her rent was in arrears.
[ her rent was in her ears ]

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#335375 - Thu Jan 11 2007 07:08 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: gtho4]
sue943 Offline

Administrator

Registered: Sun Dec 19 1999
Posts: 35719
Loc: Jersey Channel Islands        
Aaagh!
_________________________
Many a child has been spoiled because you can't spank a Grandma!

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#335376 - Thu Jan 11 2007 10:14 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: sue943]
angel_us Offline
Participant

Registered: Thu Jun 29 2006
Posts: 47
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia      
Did you hear about the man with custard in one ear and cake in the other?
He was a trifle deaf.

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#335377 - Thu Jan 11 2007 11:56 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: angel_us]
ClaraSue Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Sun May 18 2003
Posts: 7837
Loc: Arizona USA
I had a dream one night that I was both a wigwam and a teepee. My therapist said I was too tense.

(two tents)


Edited by ClaraSue (Thu Jan 11 2007 11:58 AM)

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#335378 - Fri Jan 12 2007 03:10 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: ClaraSue]
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1816
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Q. What do you call a man without a shovel in his head?

A. Douglas.

Q. Did you hear about the man on a bus who had a pie in his ear?

A. He was on a Pioneer tour.
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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#335379 - Fri Jan 12 2007 08:38 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
prof_electro Offline
Explorer

Registered: Sun Aug 27 2006
Posts: 86
Loc: Reno Nevada USA          
How did Tarzan die?

He tried to swing on a crack in his spectacles.
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Life is a banquet, and most poor suckers are starving to death. (from Auntie Mame)

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#335380 - Sat Jan 13 2007 01:14 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: IbizaChick1]
Annie0725 Offline
Participant

Registered: Thu Jan 11 2007
Posts: 21
Loc: Florida USA
Two muffins baking in an oven.
First muffin: Holy crap it's hot in here!
Second muffin: HOLY CRAP A TALKING MUFFIN!!!!!

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#335381 - Sat Jan 13 2007 02:36 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Annie0725]
ClaraSue Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Sun May 18 2003
Posts: 7837
Loc: Arizona USA
Man, I had a good laugh at THAT one, Annie.
_________________________
May the tail of the elephant never have to swat the flies from your face.

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#335382 - Sat Jan 13 2007 05:15 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: ClaraSue]
IndieQueen Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Tue Apr 17 2001
Posts: 7306
Loc: Pittsburgh Pennsylvania USA
Ok, here are some of the worst jokes I know. Please reserve all rotten fruit and vegetables until I have time to duck.

Why do cows have bells?

Because their horns don't work

What do Winnie the Pooh and John the Baptist have in common?

A middle name

What do you call a polar bear in the jungle?

Lost.

I've now taken cover, commence with the throwing of the fruit.
_________________________
"One of the best features of Forums is that they allow people to parade their monumental stupidity, their hang-ups, their little prejudices in public."

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#335383 - Sat Jan 13 2007 05:54 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: IndieQueen]
Copago Offline
Moderator

Registered: Tue May 15 2001
Posts: 14161
Loc: Australia
*Takes aim with the most rotten tomato I can find*

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#335384 - Mon Jan 15 2007 05:54 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Copago]
nic1990 Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Thu Sep 07 2006
Posts: 412
Loc: South Australia
This is shocking..

How do you make a Venetian blind?

Stick your finger in his eye

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#335385 - Mon Jan 15 2007 10:34 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: nic1990]
Copago Offline
Moderator

Registered: Tue May 15 2001
Posts: 14161
Loc: Australia
What happened to the frog's car when his parking metre expired?

It got toad!

Boom boom!

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#335386 - Tue Jan 16 2007 02:32 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Copago]
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1816
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
A travelling salesman was driving along a country road and ran over a rabbit. Being an animal lover, he stopped to check on the rabbit and was completely distraught when he found he had killed the rabbit. A farmer came by on his tractor and told the salesman he could bring the rabbit back to life for the meagre sum of $1,000.

The salesman said OK and the farmer took out an aerosol can and sprayed the rabbit. A minute later the rabbit jumped up and hopped down the road. Every 10 seconds it would turn back and wave at the farmer and salesman.

The salesman happily paid the farmer, voicing his amazement at the rabbit's recovery "But", he asked "what's with it turning back and waving every 10 seconds?"

The farmer replied "I used hair restorer with permanent wave."


Edited by Eraserhead (Tue Jan 16 2007 11:22 PM)
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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#335387 - Wed Jan 17 2007 03:52 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
gtho4 Online   FT-blank

Administrator

Registered: Sun Dec 26 1999
Posts: 40954
Loc: Sydney oz downunder           
Confucius says:

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

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#335388 - Wed Jan 17 2007 04:02 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: gtho4]
sue943 Offline

Administrator

Registered: Sun Dec 19 1999
Posts: 35719
Loc: Jersey Channel Islands        
Love 'em George
_________________________
Many a child has been spoiled because you can't spank a Grandma!

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#335389 - Wed Jan 17 2007 05:25 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: sue943]
ozzz2002 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Mon Dec 03 2001
Posts: 17240
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia        
Where did General Patton keep his armies?

Up his sleevies...

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#335390 - Wed Jan 17 2007 06:54 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: ozzz2002]
Copago Offline
Moderator

Registered: Tue May 15 2001
Posts: 14161
Loc: Australia
You should be shot for that one, Greg.

"Man who drive like hell, bound to get there" .. coming to an RTA ad soon!


Edited by Copago (Wed Jan 17 2007 06:55 PM)

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#335391 - Wed Jan 17 2007 11:14 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Copago]
Bruyere Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat Feb 10 2001
Posts: 18396
Loc: California USA
A monk was driving in India when suddenly a dog crosses the road. The car hit and killed the dog. The monk looked around and seeing a temple, went to knock on the door. A monk opened the door. The first monk said: "I'm terribly sorry, but my carma ran over your dogma."
_________________________
I was born under a wandering star.

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#335392 - Tue Jan 30 2007 12:19 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Bruyere]
gtho4 Online   FT-blank

Administrator

Registered: Sun Dec 26 1999
Posts: 40954
Loc: Sydney oz downunder           
One antenna met another antenna, and they were married. The reception was great.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.

How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?

What do you call spending the afternoon with a cranky rabbit?
A bad hare day.

Famous last words of a mafia hitman: "Who put the violin in the violin case?"

Remember laughter's the best medicine, unless you're asthmatic; and then it’s Ventolin.

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#335393 - Tue Jan 30 2007 03:21 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: gtho4]
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1816
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Quote:

What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?
Robin, get in the car.





What did they call Batman and Robin after they were run over by a steamroller?

Flatman and Ribbon.

Now, that's just bad, ain't it?
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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#335394 - Tue Jan 30 2007 05:47 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
gtho4 Online   FT-blank

Administrator

Registered: Sun Dec 26 1999
Posts: 40954
Loc: Sydney oz downunder           
    A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender, "Got any grapes?" The bartender says,"No, sorry." So the duck leaves. The next day the duck comes back and asks,"Got any grapes?" The bartender again says "No."

    This goes on for several days, until the bartender has enough and says,"Look, everyday you come in here and ask if we have any grapes and everyday I say no. The next time you come in here I'm gonna nail your feet to the floor!"

    The next day the duck comes back and asks the bartender, "Got any nails?" The bartender says, "No."
    "Got any grapes?"

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#335395 - Tue Jan 30 2007 06:27 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: gtho4]
bethfay Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Sat Aug 26 2006
Posts: 196
Loc: St Louis Missouri USA
I suppose this one is politically incorrect, but I can't help myself since I haven't stopped laughing for the last fifteen minutes ...

A woman is at her local supermarket and has placed her items in front of the cashier - a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2-lb. can of coffee and a 1-lb. package of bacon.

As the cashier is ringing up her items, a drunk walks up behind her in line, looks over her purchases and calmly says "You must be single".

The woman is a bit perplexed by this as she can't see anything particularly special about the things she is buying. Her curiosity finally gets the better of her, so she asks the drunk "It just so happens that you're correct - I am single. But how in the world can you tell that?"

The drunk replied, "Because you're ugly."
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Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours. -- Yogi Berra

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