what do you call two guys with no arms and no legs on the window sill?

curt and rod

Where do crazy people walk?
Down the psycho path.

How do you catch a squirrel?
You sit in a tree and act like a nut.

How do you make Holy Water?
You boil the hell out of it.

Two nuns were driving through the woods when a demon jumps onto the hood of their car, the two nuns immediately start praying, but the demon stays. Then one nun says to the other "Sister Mary, show him your cross." So sister Mary leans out the window and yells, get off the car!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

ONe boy says to the other "I have a dog with no legs, I call him Cigarette."
The other boy says "Why's that?"
"Because every night I take him out for a drag."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted.

A horse walks into a bar the bartender says "Why the long face?"

What do you call two men with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Swimming trunks.

Here's an old joke:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Q: How long does it take for an astronaut to drive from Houston to Florida?

A: It depends.

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.

What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

and the best one *drum roll*

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

also, for really bad comics, go here. I laugh because I shouldn't. It's great.

http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/comics/ark.shtml

What do you call a man with a plank on his head?
Edwood.

What do you call a man with three planks on his head?
Edwood Woodwood.

What is black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra

What is black and white and red all over?

A baby skunk with diaper rash

What is black and white and red all over?

A hot fudge sundae covered in catsup

What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper (white paper and black print and "read" all over)

What do you call a guy who loves Tolstoy?

Warren Piece

Knock Knock
Who's There
Sam 'n Janet
Sam 'n Janet who?


Sam 'n Janet evening, you may see a stranger.

I had to say it aloud, but LOL!

Janet arrives home with a new dress she has bought in the sales. She goes to her husband and says " Look, I got this for a rediculous figure."
He looks at her and says "I can see that, but how much did you pay for it?"

Did you hear the creator of the hokey pokey died?

They had trouble getting him in the casket. When they put his left foot in, it came right back out.



Two snakes are slithering down the sidewalk.
One says to the other, “Hey, are we poisonous?”
The other says, “I don't know, why?”
The first snake says, “Because I just bit my lip.”

ohhh that's a good one!

Two blonds walk into a bar...the third one ducks.

***

What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards in a row?

A receding hare line.

***

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on a-head, I'll just hang around here.

Two dyslexics walk into a bra...

Ohhh yea that's rich! Wonder how many didn't get it....




Wow...I just noticed that I replied to this joke twice. It was that funny.

1st guy, " Man, this place smells like up dog."

2nd guy, "What the heck is up dog?"

1st guy, " Not much man what the heck is up with you?"

How do you catch a rabbit?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Hide behind a bush and growl like a carrot.


What do you give a skeleton who walks into a bar and orders a drink?

.
.
.
.
.

A mop.


Sorry!

How did the blonde burn her face?
Bobbing for chips

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?

Thanks, I'll never part with it.

Q. Who's the strongest person in society?
A: Policemen - they can hold up traffic with one hand.

Q: How does the queen get around her palace?
A: She's throne.

Q: Where do ants buy their ties?
A: KMart.

Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a driveway.

Q: What's ET short for?
A: He's only got little legs.

Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.

A blind man walked into a bar.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

10. 1 to change the bulb and 9 to make the documentary.

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

Lays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.



Man walks into a bar with a frog on his head. Barman asks where he got it.

Frog says "It started as a wart on my bum and grew from there."

One that only the Brits may understand.


I went to the doctor yesterday with an embarrassing itch. He examined me and said 'You've got Hermes.' I said 'Don't you mean Herpes?'. He said 'No, you're a carrier'.

A joke... or more of an anti-joke... for the German speaking set.

Zwei Kühe in dem Feld. Beide Kühe essen Gras. Plötzlich springt ein Kaninchen nach hinter einen Busch heraus. Die Kühe betrachten einander und das Kaninchen läuft weg. Eine Kühe isst einen Bisschen Gras und folgt.

Hysterical, huh?

How many women with PMT does it take to change a lightbulb?

FOUR, IT JUST DOES, OK?


A Swedish man walks into a bar with a large green-and-red parrot on his shoulder. The barman looks at the Swede and says "Where did you get that from?"

"Sweden - there's loads of 'em!" says the parrot.

Ok, I'm too lazy to read through all this, but these really are bad!!!

One day, a guy walked into a bar to get a beer (duh). He goes up to the counter, and a cow comes to take his order. After a few seconds of silence, the cow says, 'I guess you weren't expecting to see me here, huh?'
The guy responded, 'Yeah, what happened? Did the horse sell the place?'

How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you later.

Two guys walk into a bar. One ducks.

Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she
never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help.
>
> - Honey! - said the psychic. You will not have luck in love
in this life. But in the reincarnation, you will be a very
desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.
>
> Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a
bridge she thought: "the sooner I die, the sooner my next
life begins" She decided to jump off the bridge right away.
>
> But, incredibly Jane didn't die!
>
> She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost
her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still
drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing
where she was, she started touching her surroundings,
feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her
face:
>
> - GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!
> - One at a time.