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#335446 - Sun May 20 2007 02:32 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: romeomikegolf]
LadyCaitriona Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Thu Feb 08 2001
Posts: 5525
Loc: Ottawa Ontario Canada         
I had to say it aloud, but LOL!
_________________________
Chan fhiach cuirm gun a comhradh.
A feast is no use without good talk.

Editor for Humanities and Movies

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#335447 - Mon May 21 2007 08:50 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: LadyCaitriona]
romeomikegolf Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Wed Apr 07 2004
Posts: 4875
Loc: Rothwell Northants England UK 
Janet arrives home with a new dress she has bought in the sales. She goes to her husband and says " Look, I got this for a rediculous figure."
He looks at her and says "I can see that, but how much did you pay for it?"
_________________________
Reality is an illusion brought about by lack of alcohol

Would the last person to leave the planet please turn off the lights.

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#335448 - Mon May 21 2007 09:09 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: romeomikegolf]
Bruyere Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat Feb 10 2001
Posts: 18426
Loc: California USA
Did you hear the creator of the hokey pokey died?

They had trouble getting him in the casket. When they put his left foot in, it came right back out.



Two snakes are slithering down the sidewalk.
One says to the other, “Hey, are we poisonous?”
The other says, “I don't know, why?”
The first snake says, “Because I just bit my lip.”
_________________________
I was born under a wandering star.

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#335449 - Mon May 21 2007 12:31 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Bruyere]
MuggleMomUSA Offline
Participant

Registered: Tue May 15 2007
Posts: 28
Loc: Maryland USA
ohhh that's a good one!
_________________________
"I am not worried, Harry" said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water,"I am with you." (Half-Blood Prince) Thank you J.K. Rowling for making the whole world read, especially my daughter.

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#335450 - Mon May 21 2007 12:39 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: MuggleMomUSA]
igotmeajd Offline
Participant

Registered: Fri Feb 09 2007
Posts: 40
Loc: Metro Detroit Michigan USA   


Two blonds walk into a bar...the third one ducks.

***

What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards in a row?

A receding hare line.

***

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on a-head, I'll just hang around here.
_________________________
I'm the type of girl that will burst out laughing in dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

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#335451 - Mon May 21 2007 08:11 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: igotmeajd]
Dragonkin Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Thu Feb 09 2006
Posts: 395
Loc: Fairfield
California USA
Two dyslexics walk into a bra...
_________________________
You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. - Lethbridge-Stewart, (Doctor Who TV series)

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#335452 - Fri May 25 2007 05:48 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Bruyere]
MuggleMomUSA Offline
Participant

Registered: Tue May 15 2007
Posts: 28
Loc: Maryland USA
Ohhh yea that's rich! Wonder how many didn't get it....




Wow...I just noticed that I replied to this joke twice. It was that funny.


Edited by MuggleMomUSA (Fri May 25 2007 05:49 AM)
_________________________
"I am not worried, Harry" said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water,"I am with you." (Half-Blood Prince) Thank you J.K. Rowling for making the whole world read, especially my daughter.

Top
#335453 - Fri May 25 2007 05:54 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: MuggleMomUSA]
MuggleMomUSA Offline
Participant

Registered: Tue May 15 2007
Posts: 28
Loc: Maryland USA
1st guy, " Man, this place smells like up dog."

2nd guy, "What the heck is up dog?"

1st guy, " Not much man what the heck is up with you?"
_________________________
"I am not worried, Harry" said Dumbledore, his voice a little stronger despite the freezing water,"I am with you." (Half-Blood Prince) Thank you J.K. Rowling for making the whole world read, especially my daughter.

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#335454 - Wed Jun 06 2007 11:50 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: MuggleMomUSA]
lady1 Offline
Champion Poster

Registered: Wed Jun 07 2006
Posts: 20697
Loc: Gauteng South Africa          
How do you catch a rabbit?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Hide behind a bush and growl like a carrot.


What do you give a skeleton who walks into a bar and orders a drink?

.
.
.
.
.

A mop.


Sorry!
_________________________
"If Life Were Easy Where Would All The Adventure Be?"

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#335455 - Thu Jun 07 2007 06:53 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: lady1]
Lemonem Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Tue May 01 2007
Posts: 4
Loc: Fife Scotland UK          
How did the blonde burn her face?
Bobbing for chips

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#335456 - Sat Jun 09 2007 12:24 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Lemonem]
LazyKat Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Thu May 31 2007
Posts: 1
Loc: Illinois USA
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?

Thanks, I'll never part with it.

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#335457 - Wed Jun 20 2007 03:00 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
eburge Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Tue Nov 21 2006
Posts: 464
Loc: Worthing Sussex UK            
Q. Who's the strongest person in society?
A: Policemen - they can hold up traffic with one hand.

Q: How does the queen get around her palace?
A: She's throne.

Q: Where do ants buy their ties?
A: KMart.

Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a driveway.

Q: What's ET short for?
A: He's only got little legs.

Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.
_________________________
Soupy twist!
Editor - Video Games

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#335458 - Wed Jun 27 2007 03:46 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: eburge]
shroggy Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Wed Jun 27 2007
Posts: 1
Loc: South Australia
A blind man walked into a bar.

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#335459 - Thu Jul 05 2007 01:06 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: shroggy]
mountaingoat Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Fri Jun 22 2007
Posts: 388
Loc: Blue Mountains NSW Australia
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

10. 1 to change the bulb and 9 to make the documentary.

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#335460 - Thu Jul 05 2007 01:08 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: mountaingoat]
mountaingoat Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Fri Jun 22 2007
Posts: 388
Loc: Blue Mountains NSW Australia
Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

Lays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.



Man walks into a bar with a frog on his head. Barman asks where he got it.

Frog says "It started as a wart on my bum and grew from there."

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#335461 - Fri Jul 06 2007 10:06 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: mountaingoat]
romeomikegolf Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Wed Apr 07 2004
Posts: 4875
Loc: Rothwell Northants England UK 
One that only the Brits may understand.


I went to the doctor yesterday with an embarrassing itch. He examined me and said 'You've got Hermes.' I said 'Don't you mean Herpes?'. He said 'No, you're a carrier'.
_________________________
Reality is an illusion brought about by lack of alcohol

Would the last person to leave the planet please turn off the lights.

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#335462 - Fri Jul 06 2007 10:36 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: romeomikegolf]
Happy Birthday Flynn_17 Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue May 17 2005
Posts: 1138
Loc: Hull Yorkshire England UK     
A joke... or more of an anti-joke... for the German speaking set.

Zwei Kühe in dem Feld. Beide Kühe essen Gras. Plötzlich springt ein Kaninchen nach hinter einen Busch heraus. Die Kühe betrachten einander und das Kaninchen läuft weg. Eine Kühe isst einen Bisschen Gras und folgt.

Hysterical, huh?
_________________________
Oh, a functional love life is like icing a cake - you've got to concentrate!

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#335463 - Fri Jul 06 2007 10:39 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Flynn_17]
Happy Birthday Flynn_17 Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue May 17 2005
Posts: 1138
Loc: Hull Yorkshire England UK     
How many women with PMT does it take to change a lightbulb?

FOUR, IT JUST DOES, OK?


A Swedish man walks into a bar with a large green-and-red parrot on his shoulder. The barman looks at the Swede and says "Where did you get that from?"

"Sweden - there's loads of 'em!" says the parrot.
_________________________
Oh, a functional love life is like icing a cake - you've got to concentrate!

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#335464 - Sun Jul 15 2007 03:41 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Flynn_17]
guilmon3 Offline
Participant

Registered: Thu Nov 23 2006
Posts: 40
Ok, I'm too lazy to read through all this, but these really are bad!!!

One day, a guy walked into a bar to get a beer (duh). He goes up to the counter, and a cow comes to take his order. After a few seconds of silence, the cow says, 'I guess you weren't expecting to see me here, huh?'
The guy responded, 'Yeah, what happened? Did the horse sell the place?'

How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you later.

Two guys walk into a bar. One ducks.

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#335465 - Mon Jul 16 2007 08:36 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: guilmon3]
Gordana Offline
Participant

Registered: Mon Jul 09 2007
Posts: 15
Loc: Shelter on Sirius
Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she
never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help.
>
> - Honey! - said the psychic. You will not have luck in love
in this life. But in the reincarnation, you will be a very
desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.
>
> Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a
bridge she thought: "the sooner I die, the sooner my next
life begins" She decided to jump off the bridge right away.
>
> But, incredibly Jane didn't die!
>
> She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost
her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still
drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing
where she was, she started touching her surroundings,
feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her
face:
>
> - GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!
> - One at a time.
_________________________
"When God created me, He is just showing of."

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#335466 - Wed Jul 18 2007 02:30 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Gordana]
lady1 Offline
Champion Poster

Registered: Wed Jun 07 2006
Posts: 20697
Loc: Gauteng South Africa          
Two men are skiing. When they get to the bottom of the slope they ask a third man: 'Did you see us skiing down the hill?'

Third man: Yes I did

First man: Could you tell us if we were Zig Zagging or Zag Zigging?

Third man: Sorry I'm a Tabogganist so I realy could not say.

First man: In that case can I have a pack of Dunhill Lights please?
_________________________
"If Life Were Easy Where Would All The Adventure Be?"

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#335467 - Wed Jul 18 2007 02:31 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: lady1]
The_lioness33 Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Feb 25 2006
Posts: 2869
Loc: Adelaide South Australia    
LOL, thats terrible! Why am I laughing?

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#335468 - Thu Jul 19 2007 08:48 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: The_lioness33]
Gordana Offline
Participant

Registered: Mon Jul 09 2007
Posts: 15
Loc: Shelter on Sirius
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the
appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now
need to enter a password...something he will use to log on.


The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for
the shock effect to bring this to his wife's' attention.


So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it
plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in.....



P...
E...
N...
I...
S...

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

*** PASSWORD REJECTED, NOT LONG ENOUGH
_________________________
"When God created me, He is just showing of."

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#335469 - Thu Jul 19 2007 04:31 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: Eraserhead]
MaggieG Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Sat Aug 09 2003
Posts: 471
Loc: Wales UK
What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh


What do you call a spider with no legs?


A currant



What do you call a sheep with no legs?


A cloud

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#335470 - Thu Jul 19 2007 10:14 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here! [Re: MaggieG]
The_lioness33 Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Feb 25 2006
Posts: 2869
Loc: Adelaide South Australia    
Gordana, I almost fell off my chair laughing at the joke.

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