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#357517 - Mon Apr 16 2007 01:03 AM Comical Answering Machine Messages
vesel Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Mon Mar 05 2007
Posts: 3
Loc: Europe
“A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we’re not here. So leave a message at the beep.”
* * *
“Hi. This is John. If you’re the phone company, I already sent the money. If you’re my parents, please send money. If you’re my financial aid institution, you didn’t lend me enough money. If you’re my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don’t worry, I have plenty of money.”
* * *
“Hi. Now you say something.”
* * *
“Hi, I’m not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep.”
* * *
“Hello. I am David’s answering machine. What are you?”
* * *
“Hi! John’s answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I’ll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.”
* * *
“Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I’m stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.”
* * *
“Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through the office and don’t need their picture taken. If you’re still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you.”

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#357518 - Mon Apr 16 2007 02:21 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
lady1 Offline
Champion Poster

Registered: Wed Jun 07 2006
Posts: 20697
Loc: Gauteng South Africa          
I loved the last one - need it for my phone LOL
_________________________
"If Life Were Easy Where Would All The Adventure Be?"

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#357519 - Mon Apr 16 2007 04:11 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
bionic4ever Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Fri Apr 07 2006
Posts: 2321
Loc: Chocolate City Wisconsin�USA
Another funny one:
"Hello?.....Hello?.... Hello? -
Gotcha! I'm not home right now, but if you leave your name.....
_________________________
"...better than before...better, stronger, faster!" - SMDM

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#357520 - Mon Apr 16 2007 10:19 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
ClaraSue Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Sun May 18 2003
Posts: 7837
Loc: Arizona USA
My stepson has a good one that has caught his dad on more than one occasion.

"Hello?......Hello?.......Hold on, there's too much noise here.......OK, that's better, Hello?.......Oh, sorry, I'm not in, so leave me a message and I'll call you back".
_________________________
May the tail of the elephant never have to swat the flies from your face.

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#357521 - Mon Apr 16 2007 06:35 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
trivfan Offline
Explorer

Registered: Tue Nov 28 2006
Posts: 60
Loc: Martinez Georgia USA       
Here's one:
"Hello. I'm David's psychic answering machine. Since I already know what your message is going to be, don't worry about leaving it. I'll make sure we gets the message. Have a nice day!"

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#357522 - Sat Apr 21 2007 05:32 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
Hpotter5075 Offline
Prolific

Registered: Thu Mar 08 2007
Posts: 1042
Loc: Minnesota USA
I wonder if that would work on my mom

hehehe

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#357523 - Sat Apr 21 2007 08:48 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
Tai-Pan Offline
Participant

Registered: Tue Jan 30 2007
Posts: 45
Loc: Gold Coast QLD Australia
"Please leave a message after the tone and I will return your call. If you don't, I won't."
_________________________
'Leesen vairry carefully, I shall zay zis only vonce'...............from the TV comedy, 'Allo,'Allo!.

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#357524 - Sun Apr 22 2007 02:37 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
lady1 Offline
Champion Poster

Registered: Wed Jun 07 2006
Posts: 20697
Loc: Gauteng South Africa          
Short and to the point Tai-Pan
_________________________
"If Life Were Easy Where Would All The Adventure Be?"

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#357525 - Sun Apr 22 2007 08:12 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
TonyTheDad Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Wed Jun 07 2000
Posts: 195
Loc: Upper Marlboro Maryland USA
One of my favorite ways of answering the phone (I make sure it's a friend that can take a joke):

Hi, this is Tony. I'm home right now, so please talk to me directly.

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#593893 - Thu Feb 10 2011 04:54 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1825
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
I just love resurrecting old posts:


"Hi, this is the refrigerator, the answering machine is not home right now. Please leave a message and I'll write it down and stick it to myself".
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

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#599269 - Sat Feb 26 2011 12:11 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
Rimrunner Offline
Participant

Registered: Sun Jan 30 2011
Posts: 41
Loc: South Africa
Originally Posted By: vesel
“Hello, this is Sally’s microwave. Her answering machine just eloped with her tape deck, so I’m stuck with taking her calls. Say, if you want anything cooked while you leave your message, just hold it up to the phone.”


LOL! Loved that one most - especially with the various mobile phone scares going around!
_________________________
It's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.

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#606566 - Fri Mar 18 2011 11:29 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mountaingoat Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Fri Jun 22 2007
Posts: 390
Loc: Blue Mountains NSW Australia
A friend had a message where in a deeply serious voice he says the usual and then finishes with "Please leave a message after the flush." to the sound of his toilet flushing.

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#632442 - Tue Jun 07 2011 06:37 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
maistlinrajere Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Tue Jun 07 2011
Posts: 1
Loc: Washington USA
This is the psychic hotline, please think your message, name, and number, and I will think about calling you back.

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#638536 - Sat Jul 02 2011 11:08 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mountaingoat Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Fri Jun 22 2007
Posts: 390
Loc: Blue Mountains NSW Australia
Gamblers Anonymous answering machine : Ten to one you can' guess who this is.

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#638554 - Sat Jul 02 2011 03:28 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
Hi, Harry Houdini here, I'm back but how do I get out of this machine? Please, leave directions after the beep.
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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#638555 - Sat Jul 02 2011 03:47 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
Low Battery, Loow Battterry, Looww B...eep
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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#638556 - Sat Jul 02 2011 03:49 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
Auto up-loading my lastest message to your machine. You must restart your phone before continuing...
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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#638558 - Sat Jul 02 2011 03:52 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
Wise selection. You have chosen to skip right to the end of session. Goodbye and call again soon.
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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#638561 - Sat Jul 02 2011 04:15 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
My machine is old and only records dottxt files. Please translate your message accordingly. Thank you.
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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#639673 - Sat Jul 09 2011 02:54 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
If you are recording message number greater than 25, the instructions say my machine can't handle it. Thank you.
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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#639674 - Sat Jul 09 2011 02:56 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
From a land line: you may leave a message. If you are calling from a wifi phone, this won't work. Hsssssssssssss...
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

Top
#639920 - Sun Jul 10 2011 06:01 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
If you would like to make an outside call please dial 9 or wait for operator assistance, thank you.
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

Top
#639921 - Sun Jul 10 2011 06:02 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
Your call cannot be completed as dialed. Please hang up and try again, thank you.
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

Top
#639924 - Sun Jul 10 2011 06:05 PM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
I will be there in a moment. To make your wait more pleasant, I have installed the audio of the world beeping champion. Listen...
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

Top
#640442 - Wed Jul 13 2011 06:46 AM Re: Comical Answering Machine Messages
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
Daed si luap. enin noitulover. sdrawkcab siht yalp. peeb...
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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