Fr. O'Riordan was in a bad mood as he cycled along the main street of Ballygobackwards, Ireland's most westerly village.
"Get out of the way you English pig" he shouted as a Gloucestershire Old Spots sow sauntered into the road.

At the top of the hill he stopped to draw breath and talk to Ric O'Shea, the village's most noted drunkard.
After a while Ric says: "Tell me, Father, just what exactly is Gout?"

Seeing a chance to shake Ric out of his constant inebriation, Fr. O'Riordan says: "Gout, it's a terrible affliction, so it is. Begorrah. It comes from eating too much rich food, drinking too much cheap alcohol and carousing into the early hours of the morning, day in day out. I didn't know you had Gout, Ric."
"Oh I don't", says Ric: "But I heard on the radio this morning that the Pope has".
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There are just two types of people in this world, those who hear the music and those who don't.