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#668680 - Thu Nov 17 2011 09:57 AM Cooking Terms
gillyharold Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 6034
Loc: Michigan USA
tongue:
A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.

yogurt:
Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

recipe:
A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.

porridge:
Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid", "hORRId" and "sluDGE".

preheat:
To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.

oven:
Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.

microwave oven:
Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.

calorie:
Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.




http://www.weirdrealm.com/humor/cooking.html

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#668693 - Thu Nov 17 2011 11:01 AM Re: Cooking Terms
surdoux Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Wed Feb 17 2010
Posts: 294
Loc: Nottinghamshire England UK    
My wife only understands three:

1. Burnt
2. Indigestible
3. Takeaway
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#668705 - Thu Nov 17 2011 12:07 PM Re: Cooking Terms
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
pinch:
The amount you can't scoop out of the mix after the container accidently spilled its contents into the mix.

ice maker:
The refrigerator built-in indicator of when your warranty has expired.

oven broiler:
The 'fast' setting on the oven contents destruct system.

refrigerator crisper:
The miracle new juicer they don't seem to advertize on TV.

melon baller:
An ice cream scoop gone to the extreme in compactness. Will not work to make round ice cubes.

self-cleaning oven:
Yeah, right.

Just a related question:
Why isn't lick the spoon and bowl clean instructions included with cake recipes?


Edited by mehaul (Thu Nov 17 2011 02:48 PM)
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#668720 - Thu Nov 17 2011 12:37 PM Re: Cooking Terms
surdoux Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Wed Feb 17 2010
Posts: 294
Loc: Nottinghamshire England UK    
Due to an oversight on my part, my wife saw my previous post, so I must take this opportunity to apologise unreservedly, before my right eye closes completely. I hereby confirm that my wife's culinary expertise is exemplary. Must go now to get wounds dressed.
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#668806 - Thu Nov 17 2011 06:15 PM Re: Cooking Terms
flopsymopsy Online   content

Administrator

Registered: Sat May 17 2008
Posts: 4461
Loc: Northampton England UK
Extractor fan - device for removing various utensils fron Surdoux's indescribable orifices found in places only his wife knows about.
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#668868 - Fri Nov 18 2011 03:02 AM Re: Cooking Terms
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
Rubber spatula:
Remarkable device for imparting a new surface material to your no-stick cookware.

Pyrex measuring cups:
Unique cooking aids for the microwave, giving no indication what-so-ever that they can handle even the 'fast' setting on your oven for heat retention.

Plastic colander:
The reason many kitchen drawers need to have a supply of pipe cleaners to use in cleaning the little holes one by one for hours at a time.

Utility drawer:
Misnomer for futility drawer (see lost items: keys, batteries, dry pens, socks, ...)

Rolling pin:
The kitchen equivalent of the skateboard. Used to transport oneself around the kitchen by placing a foot on each handle and pushing away from a countertop.

Chafing dish:
For use as dialogue filler in "Hot Shots" movies, as in "What is a Chafing dish used for? I always wondered about that." (One of Charlie Sheen's greatest lines)

Mandoline:
Fingernail clipper (easier to find in futility drawer than regular clippers because of larger size)

Salad shooter:
And the guy that invented this space waster.
_________________________
If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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#669151 - Sat Nov 19 2011 11:21 AM Re: Cooking Terms
Tizzabelle Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sun Jan 17 2010
Posts: 2507
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia         
Smoke alarm: How I know dinner's ready wink
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A platypus lays eggs and produces milk - it can make its own custard wink

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#670083 - Wed Nov 23 2011 10:15 PM Re: Cooking Terms
KHFan5 Offline
Explorer

Registered: Mon Sep 19 2011
Posts: 96
Loc: Florida USA
Cookbook: something to contribute to the fire I've made from making a recipe from inside of it
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