Well over yonder in the jokes section, a few musician's jokes were begun, thought I'd give you a brief selection. If you know any others, please keep it above the belt. Bounds of good taste, family viewing and all that? Or Aunt Heather'll have to get out the violin and not the fiddle! Or the bagpipe!
Q. How many punk-rock musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A. Two: One to screw in the bulb and the other to smash the old one on their forehead.
Q. What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?
A. Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
Q. What's the least-used sentence in the English language?
A. "Isn't that the banjo player's Porsche?"
Q. What does it say on a blues singer's tombstone?
A. "I didn't wake up this morning..."
A drummer walks into a library and says: “Hi I'll have a burger,fries, and a large coke.” The librarian responds: Sshhhh....do you know where you are? This is a library!” The drummer, sheepishly, and in a whisper says: “Sorry....I'll have a burger, fries and a large coke.”
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the noise.
Q. What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A. A fiddle is fun to listen to.
Q. What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A. A flat minor.
What's the difference between an oboist and a seamstress?
A seamstress tucks up frills...
The clarinet: an ill woodwind that nobody blows good.
What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
A new age song
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs who can play 5 musical instruments?
Stump the band.
How many jazz musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Jazz musicians can't afford light bulbs.
"Don't worry about the changes. We'll fake it!"
Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."
If lost in the woods, who do you ask for directions, an in-tune oboe player, an out-of-tune oboe player, or Santa Claus?
The out-of-tune oboe player. The other two indicate that you're hallucinating.
Q: What do pirates and trumpet players have in common?
A: They are both murder on the high C's.
General Custer and his aide were in the fort. The aide said, "General, I don't like the sound of those drums."From over the hill you hear a voice yell, "He's not our regular drummer."