The Comedians [ 2 ] Trivia Quiz

Answer: Red Skelton

Red Skelton was a sensitive man. He was so moved by the death of his son that he took a year's hiatus from his popular television show. He was known for his generosity, both publicised and anonymous. He had success later in life as a painter, many of his paintings are collector's items.

A friend of my Mother went to school with Red in Vincennes, Indiana. She said that Red used to roll his eyelids over match sticks and then surprise the teacher while the class laughed. Here are jokes and insights into Red's character.

"A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been going for three months.' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them.'"

"The time has come to say good night,
I hope I've made a friend.
And so we'll say "May God bless you,"
Until we meet again."

"There are three ages of man: youth, middle age, and "Gee, you look good."

"If some day you're not feeling well, you should remember some little thing I have said or done and if it brings a smile to your face or a chuckle to your heart then my purpose as a clown has been fulfilled."

Answer: Eddie Cantor

Cantor was successful in several media. He lost a fortune in the 1929 stock market crash. His response was to write two humorous books about the calamity. Sometimes his wife and daughter did not always appreciate the jokes he made about them on his radio and television endeavors. Here are some of Cantor's
jibes:

"A wedding is a funeral where you smell your own flowers."

"It takes twenty years to become an overnight success."

"He hasn't an enemy in the world - but all his friends hate him."

Answer: W.C.Fields

Fields did not drink when he was a juggler as it interfered with his performance. When alcohol started to become a problem, Fields just incorporated it into his act. Sometimes he suffered DTs in later years. He was fond of finding unusual names for his characters in films such as Larson E. Whipsnade and Egbert Souse. Likewise, he wrote or co-wrote many of his movie scripts but used such names as Charles Bogle, Otis Criblecoblis, and Mahatma Kane Jeeves. There are many quotes from which to chose; here are a few.

"Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch."

"Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people."

"I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday."

Answer: George Carlin

Those seven words made Carlin a star with his edgy black humor. In spite of poor health he continued to do both live performances and HBO specials. There were hardly any foibles of mankind that did not get skewered by his razor wit.

"You guys in back! Knock off the horse-play! Hey, I said you guys playing with that horse, knock it off!"

"Tonight's forecast: Dark. Continued dark throughout most of the evening, with some widely-scattered light towards morning."

"There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can't say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. "All of you words over here, you seven....baaaad words." That's what they told us, right? ...You know the seven, don't ya?"

Answer: Jackie Vernon

Vernon was a popular guest on television. The enigmatic 'wet bird' was a symbol of Vernon's persona.

To Johnny Carson: "Thank you for exposing me on television."

"It's hard to believe to look at me now but I used to be a dull guy."

Vernon pretending to show slides of his vacation:
"click) Here I am, tossing coins at the toll booth.
(click) Here I am, under the car, looking for the coins.
(click) Here I am, picking up a hitchhiker.
(click) Here I am, hitchhiking.
(click) Here's the hitchhiker picking me up with my own car. Luckily, she didn't recognize me."

Answer: Jackie Gleason

Gleason was a heavy drinker but it never seemed to bother his performance. He spent money as rapidly as he earned it. As a serious actor he was nominated for an Oscar for a supporting role in "The Hustler" (1961) and he received excellent reviews for his role in Rod Sterling's "Requiem for a Heavyweight" (1962). His "how sweet it is" has become part of the language.
Here some other witticisms.

"The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it."

"I'm no alcoholic. I'm a drunkard. There's a difference. A drunkard doesn't have to go to meetings."

Answer: Jack Benny

Benny was a legend. Mary Livingstone was his foil on the radio and his wife in real life; Don Wilson was his radio announcer; Dennis Day was the singer on his program; Rochester was his valet; Phil Harris was his band leader; his violin was the brunt of jokes; and Maxwell was the name of his car. His dry humor, his false airs, and his frugality were the core of his radio and television shows.

Do you remember these quips?

"My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never."

"I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either."

Thug: "Look, bud, I said 'Your money or your life.'"
Jack Benny: "I'm thinking it over."

Answer: Moms Mabley

True success came late to Jackie 'Moms' Mabley. After being raped as a teenager, resulting in two children given in adoption, she ran away and joined a minstrel show. She appeared in several stage productions with all black casts and in seven sound era films. She released twenty comedy albums.

Here are a few of her stories:

"I said to my old husband, "I'm gonna take you out into the country for a picnic. Do you like the country?" He said, "Sure I do. When I was a little boy, I used to live in the country." I said, "When you was a little boy everybody lived in the country."

I was walking down 126th Street on my way to work. Met a fella. He said, "Moms, I hate this, I really hate this, but, Moms, gimme some money! I ain't got no home. I ain't got no family, no children, no wife! My mother, my father are dead! Moms, gimme some money! I ain't got nowhere to eat, I ain't got nowhere to sleep. I ain't got nothin', Moms. But this gun...

Merv Griffin asked her "What kind of man you like, Moms? Young and cleancut?" Moms replied "Dahlin'. Moms don't care if they cut or not just so they clean!"

Answer: Will Rogers

Will Rogers was a cultural icon in the 1920s and 1930s. He influenced many people with his shy and wise comments about the world around him through his appearances, films, and newspaper column. Here are some of Rogers' comments which seem as fresh as when Rogers said them.

Our foreign policy is an open book - a checkbook.
I belong to no organized party, I'm a Democrat.
Lettin' the cat out of the bag is a lot easier than puttin' it back in.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
The income tax has made more liars out of Americans than golf.
If stupidity got us in this mess, why can't it get us out?

Answer: Lenny Bruce

Lenny Bruce died at forty in the bathroom of his Hollywood home due to a drug overdose. His frequent arrests had morphed his edgy comedy act into mostly a rant about the injustices he was suffering. Thirty seven years after his death the state of New York granted a pardon for his obscenity convictions. Many of Bruce's best lines can not be reproduced here but here are some edgy ones:

"A lot of people say to me, 'Why did you kill Christ?' I dunno, it was one of those parties, got out of hand, you know."

"Satire is tragedy plus time. You give it enough time, the public, the reviewers will allow you to satirize it. Which is rather ridiculous, when you think about it."

"I won't say ours was a tough school, but we had our own coroner. We used to write essays like: What I'm going to be if I grow up."