Terrific Taglines 4: A New Beginning Quiz

Answer: Westworld

As in so many movies based on Michael Crichton's books or scripts ("Jurassic Park", "The Terminal Man", "The Andromeda Strain"), when you rely too much on technology, things can always go 'worng' (and, yes, that's how the movie people spelled the word in the tagline).

In this particular case, animatronic robots, at the world's most fantastic amusement park, developed a nasty glitch that caused them to start slaughtering the guests. Richard Benjamin and James Brolin tried to escape, but Yul Brynner (as the Gunslinger) preferred that they draw... and die.

Answer: Red Dawn

"Red Dawn" told the 'what-if?' story of a Soviet invasion of America--and, yes, the Russians occupied American soil. A band of young guerrila warriors in Calumet, Colorado (including Patrick Swayze, Jennifer Grey, Charlie Sheen and C. Thomas Howell) took the fight to the invaders in a bloody struggle to drive them out of the Land of the Free. Wolverines!

Answer: GoldenEye

"GoldenEye" was the first "James Bond" (the name we all knew) movie to star Pierce Brosnan as agent 007 (the number we all knew), and the producers were reassuring the public that Bond was still Bond; previously, Sean Connery and Roger Moore and Timothy Dalton and George Lazenby had played the superspy in the 17-film series.

"GoldenEye" starred Sean Bean as Trevelyan, a rogue double-0 agent seeking to destroy England's economy (typical Bond plot), and Famke Janssen as Xenia Onatopp (typical silly Bond Girl name), and featured satellite weapons (typical Bond technology)--yep, the producers did a fine job of keeping the legacy alive. The movie grossed $350 million.

Answer: Weekend at Bernie's

The two morons were played by Jonathan Silverman and Andrew McCarthy, the corpse (Bernie) was played by Terry Kiser, and the plot involved a life-insurance scam, some mobsters, and a lot of lighthearted hijinks involving the body waterskiing, falling off gurneys, getting strangled and shot and poisoned. Great fun for the whole family!

Answer: The Main Event

"The Main Event" starred Ryan O'Neal as the boxer "Kid Natural" Scanlong and Barbra Streisand as Hillary Kramer, who held his contract. The 'glove' reference was to the boxing mitts O'Neal reluctantly strapped on (he didn't like to get punched), and, yes, the movie WAS a love story.

It was quite popular, though the critics disliked it. Roger Ebert said "...the movie just doesn't have the life, the zaniness, this kind of screwball material demands."

Answer: The War of the Roses

"The War of the Roses", as the poster states, was probably not the film to make you look at love and marriage with anything but a terror-filled eye. Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner (as Oliver and Barbara Rose) played a married couple going through possibly the ugliest divorce in history, with property damage, tainted food and attempted homicide the least of it.

Answer: Battlefield Earth

The Psychlos were the dreadlocked alien overlords that had nearly exterminated all humans on Earth by the year 3000. John Travolta did some serious scenery-chewing in this vanity project that many consider the worst movie ever made. The book the movie was based on was by pulp author L. Ron Hubbard--that's right, the guy who founded Scientology, of which church Travolta is a member.

No one 'went Psychlo'--it made only $29 million worldwide, and cost $95 million to produce and market.

Answer: Candyman

The Candyman was the vengeful ghost of a murdered slave, and you called him by saying his name five times into a mirror. Tony Todd played the supernatural killer, running amok in Cabrini Green, and Virginia Madsen played the heroine Helen in producer Clive Barker's adaptation of his short story "The Forbidden".

It's a powerful slasher film, and even today I can't bring myself to say 'Candyman' five times to a mirror. Just in case.

Answer: The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies

The tagline of "The Incredibly..." (I ain't typing the whole thing again) was perfectly true. At some initial showings of this $38 thousand blockbuster, the director (Ray Steckler) and whatever friends he could rustle up would run through the theater, wearing monster masks and scaring the viewers...both viewers. Steckler called this process "Hallucinogenic Hypnovision". And I'm horribly depressed that I never got a chance to experience it.

Answer: Jingle All the Way

The two dads were Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sinbad, the one toy was the hot gift of the Christmas season (an action figure of Turbo-Man), and 'no prisoners' referred to the increasingly ludicrous lengths the two men went to, in order to secure the elusive little doll.

The movie, Schwarzenegger's last comedy before he became Governor of California, wasn't much good, but at least we got to see him punch out a reindeer.