"M*A*S*H" - "The Chosen People" Quiz

Answer: language lessons

Hawkeye tries out what he thinks are innocuous phrases in Korean - "Your presence is welcome in our camp," for example - and Sam, a medical observer from the army of the Republic of Korea, tells him what he's actually said (in this case, "Your uncle has gas from eating cabbage"; later in the scene, Hawkeye inadvertently insists that the uncle in question has gotten pregnant). Frank, of course, is angry at this idea: they're traveling with the U.S. Army, so it's almost unpatriotic to try to learn Korean.

Answer: An ox lumbers into Henry's tent.

This makes his morning shave rather more interesting than usual! Of course it falls to Radar to remove the beast, but as he does so he alerts Henry to the fact that a farming family is building a little house on base. Negotiating with them to leave is far beyond Henry's language skills - his pidgin Korean has progressed no further than an embarrassing "Go-ee home-ee" - which leads to a desperate call to Civilian Affairs.

Answer: shine shoes

His first victim is Henry Blake, and while it takes a few tries before Henry is distracted enough to let the boy have his foot, he is ready and waiting for the opportunity! He isn't shy about insisting on work or on what he sees as fair payment, shunning Radar's proffered stick of candy in favor of an entire dollar. They compromise on a hot meal.

Answer: The 4077th has three days to get out of there.

Henry is not thrilled by this news. "Sam," he asks despondently, "what's Korean for 'suicide'?" Sam thinks a moment. "That's the Japanese," he concludes. "We don't do that schtick."

Answer: Corporal Radar O'Reilly

"Soo Yong's father speak nice to me," she says, "like wind song." This immediately leads Henry to suspect "Pierce and/or McIntyre," but when Radar enters she astonishes everyone by fingering him. (Hawkeye also astonishes everyone by correctly saying "Mazel tov!" in Korean, before giving Radar a cigar.)

Answer: by testing blood types

Radar insists that it wasn't him: "It's not mine!" Henry, near the end of his rope, reminds him that "the mother says it is." Argues Radar, "Well what does she know? I mean, she's mixing me up with someone else." The scene is, as usual, stolen by Pat Morita as Captain Pak: "That's possible - you all look alike to us."

Answer: He should call the Civilian Affairs officer himself.

Frank is both overjoyed and uncharacteristically modest at the idea, but Henry insists: "I've talked to him. He makes no sense, and you're very good at that!" Frank wanders off, happier than a pair of clams, to make the call, with Sam Pak shouting encouragement at him: "Go get him, Frank. Kill!" Frank quickly establishes a rapport with the officer over the phone, but when he makes the suggestion that they go out for drinks sometime, he discovers to his horror that the officer is a bit more, well, enthusiastic than he'd like.

Answer: "Lieutenant Mulcahy, G. O. D."

I laughed pretty hard at this one, but Lt. Hopper evidently considers it beneath his notice. He tries to follow Henry so that he can interview Radar and Choon Hi, but he doesn't get very far before the little boy from Question 3 intercepts him to shine his shoes.

Answer: We don't know.

Over the course of the episode, Radar has warmed up to the idea of fatherhood. "I like all babies," he tells Choon Hi after the blood test, "it sure is a great way to start a life." He enjoys the way that the other soldiers look at him like a big man on base, and he eventually decides to tell the J.A.G. lieutenant that he's the father after all. But the blood type results have already come in, and there's no way that he can be the father.

"It's the same sad story, fellas," says Sam Pak. "The real G. I. father left her, she is now ostracized by her family, Radar was kind enough to give her a lift one day and instead of a thank-you note she gives him the baby."

Answer: They're taken in a truck to be relocated further south.

Choon Hi and her baby go with them; Sam opines that she'll be all right now, since "she's got a family again." Father Mulcahy hands out Bibles for them to read on the long trip, and there is a general, hopeful air - but of course, it is impossible to say what lies in store for the family in the end. Thanks for taking this quiz; I hope that you've enjoyed it!