"South Park" - "Child Abduction is Not Funny" Quiz

Answer: no

After seeing the news reports and being warned by his parents about child abduction, Tweek had trouble sleeping. He awoke to find his window open, and then someone pounded on his door, saying, "This is Officer Daniels! Now, try and stay calm, but we believe an abductor is in your room. [...] Tweek, I want you to very calmly but quickly walk to the door and come out to us!" Tweek did as he was asked, but when he opened the door, it was his father holding a gun to his face, telling him he'd be dead. Tweek's father was trying to teach him a lesson about not trusting anyone but his own parents, but it only scared Tweek more!

Answer: baby crying for her binky

Tweek was so thoroughly frightened by his parents warnings that he refused to see a movie with his friends because the ticket-taker was not the usual guy. Running home, Tweek refused to talk to a driver asking if he was in South Park. Then he refused to help an old lady across the street. Finally, Tweek ended up near the train tracks, where a quadriplegic had been stranded: "Oh, hey, kid! Oh, thank God you happened by. My- my chair ran out of juice right on these train tracks. If you hadn't shown up, well... Well, anyway, could you give me a push?" Tweek of course refused to go near the stranger, unsure if it might be a trick, and ended up watching the man get plowed down by a train!

Answer: no-kill animal shelter

The Ghost of Human Kindness woke Tweek up in the middle of the night and took him on a tour of South Park's unreported benevolence. Tweek concluded that "even though all the news is about murderers and abductors, those kinds of people... only make up a very small part of the world." When Tweek assured the Ghost that he was going to try to trust people again, the Ghost invited Tweek to get in the back of his dilapidated van. Before Tweek had to make a decision either way, the police burst out and identified the Ghost as "Frederick Johnson: he's been abducting children by dressing up like the Ghost of Human Kindness for over a year now."

Answer: no one

Because the adults didn't want their children to be abducted, they hired Tuong-Lu Kim to build a great wall around South Park and no visiting team could come in. The parents still wanted the kids to play the game, though, and drank throughout to celebrate the South Park Cows "victory." The boys were disenchanted, to say the least!

Answer: baseball

When the Mongolians arrived at the wall again, Tuong-Lu Kim thought he was ready for them, particularly when they pulled out a measly baseball! Tuong-Lu Kim hoisted his missile launcher to his hip and shouted, "Say hello to my little friend" before firing the heat-seeking missile towards the Mongolians.

Unfortunately, the Mongolians were prepared and lit the baseball on fire. After turning it into a heat source, they threw the baseball back at the wall, sending the missile right back to Tuong-Lu Kim!

Answer: sweet and sour pork

Tuong-Lu Kim was waiting for the Mongolians with a huge vat of sweet and sour pork, ready to pour it on their heads and immobilize them with the dish's sticky heat! As usual, though, the Mongolians seemed to be one step ahead and sent a Trojan Horse.

When Tuong-Lu Kim opened the hatch outside the wall, thinking he was outsmarting the Mongolians, he was instead doused in sweet and sour pork. Unable to move, Tuong-Lu Kim was forced to watch as the Mongolians ran up and started hacking away at the wall again!

Answer: they were afraid they would abduct their own children

The news reported that the studies showed that "the most likely abductors of children... [were] the parents themselves!" Unable to trust themselves, the parents sent their kids out of town, not wanting to know where they were going for fear they might abduct them!

Answer: with the Mongolians

They also all learned to speak Mongolian and were able to joke with the Mongolians around the camp fire!

Answer: 4 days

The parents saw their kids with the Mongolians and were shocked to see that after exiling their children, they "don't even remember who they are." Randy Marsh tried to speak Mongolian to the kids to jog their memories, and another father told them, "We are your parents. You used to live here, with us." Kyle concurred, "Yeah, it was, like, four days ago." The parents took it as a sign that the boys were starting to remember and rushed to hug their children.

Answer: no

After reuniting with their kids, the parents concluded that the Mongolians were right all along, and that "you just can't wall yourself off from the outside world. Putting up walls never helps anything; tearing them down brings us together." Then Mayor McDaniels ordered Tuong-Lu Kim to tear down the wall.

As the kids filed back into town with their parents, Stan shook his head in disbelief, telling Kyle, "Jesus Christ, dude, they've done some stupid crap before, but Jesus Christ!"