SOTHC
Star Poster
Reged: Jun 10 2003
Posts: 12833
Loc: Aylesford Kent UK
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Fortunately MM can take forty winks
While the rest of us have a few drinks
We can then put our heads together to do some scheming
While MM is snoring and dribbling away as she is dreaming
We may plan our escape with a few different versions
But most will require some sort of diversions
Somebody will have to offer themselves to the skipper
Without naming names what about the dribbling kipper?
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If it was a choice between being stuck in a buffalo jam in Yellowstone or a traffic jam on the M25, I know which one I would choose
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MadMartha
Forum Champion
Reged: Apr 25 2008
Posts: 5865
Loc: Georgia USA
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Gracious, have I been asleep
The last I remember was counting sheep
My mind is still a little groggy
And everything around looks pretty foggy
I'm very suspicious that I've been drugged
But when asked everyone just shrugged
If behind my back you are plannin' and plottin'
Just don't think that I've forgotten
How to make a very strong brew
That can rattle the brains of quite a few
Folks that make fun of me when I'm asleep
Will get the first dose, the creep!
 
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Thought for life: Be nice to all you meet on your way up, for you might meet them again on your way down!
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SOTHC
Star Poster
Reged: Jun 10 2003
Posts: 12833
Loc: Aylesford Kent UK
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Having quaffed a few pints of the brew
All I found it does is make me go to the loo
I think that I must have become immuned
A fact that MadMartha has often impugned
Maybe the apparrent lack of side affects
Is the reason that she has become so vexed
This isn't the first time she has resorted to name calling
It all started that fateful day we all went paint balling
Her love for me turned completely to revulsion
When I covered her from head to foot with emulsion
She didn't know what to do
Standing there covered in blue
And not able to wash it off in the surf
She had to walk round looking like a smurf
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If it was a choice between being stuck in a buffalo jam in Yellowstone or a traffic jam on the M25, I know which one I would choose
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MadMartha
Forum Champion
Reged: Apr 25 2008
Posts: 5865
Loc: Georgia USA
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Isn't it strange what tales are told
To bolster our ego and make us bold
Blue you say? It's my favorite color
It makes my eyes sparkle, not duller
Name calling is not my cup of tea
But if the shoe fits, far be it from me
To point a finger at someone other
Than the one who took umbrage, oh brother!
Could that be me??  
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Thought for life: Be nice to all you meet on your way up, for you might meet them again on your way down!
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SOTHC
Star Poster
Reged: Jun 10 2003
Posts: 12833
Loc: Aylesford Kent UK
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Just what does she mean by "if the shoe fits"?
Is it just the title of one of Leon Russel's hits?
Or is this a cry for help from a poor Cinderella
Who is trying desperately to find a fella'?
I for one don't think either is true
And I do now regret painting her blue
And I think I now of a way to soothe her
Two gift wrapped gallons of paint remover
And I hope the blisters heal quick from the scorching
She got when I stupidly first tried the blow torching
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If it was a choice between being stuck in a buffalo jam in Yellowstone or a traffic jam on the M25, I know which one I would choose
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MadMartha
Forum Champion
Reged: Apr 25 2008
Posts: 5865
Loc: Georgia USA
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(Touche!)
Kindly desist from trying to repair
The damage you've done for I am in despair
The fella' I was trying to get
Looked at me and had a laughing fit 
All my hair was singed and now
I've dusted off Roofoo's wig and look like a cow
The paint remover just made things worse
I'm now all splotchy and very hoarse
Smelling the fumes made me faint
Just exactly what did you put in that paint?
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Thought for life: Be nice to all you meet on your way up, for you might meet them again on your way down!
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SOTHC
Star Poster
Reged: Jun 10 2003
Posts: 12833
Loc: Aylesford Kent UK
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Lots of the ingredients I am finding it difficult to trace
And there is no use you complaining until you are blue in the face
But what am I saying as you are already that way
I must give a lot more thought to what I say
But just be grateful that you were not lacquered
As then you would be well and truly knackered
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If it was a choice between being stuck in a buffalo jam in Yellowstone or a traffic jam on the M25, I know which one I would choose
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MadMartha
Forum Champion
Reged: Apr 25 2008
Posts: 5865
Loc: Georgia USA
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More importantly, I think
I am truly on the brink
Of living up to my name
And when you see me completely insane
Won't you feel very bad
At the role you had
In making me a complete mess
You'll be sorry then, I guess
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Thought for life: Be nice to all you meet on your way up, for you might meet them again on your way down!
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SOTHC
Star Poster
Reged: Jun 10 2003
Posts: 12833
Loc: Aylesford Kent UK
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Now that you are teetering on the edge
I will sincerely offer you this pledge
You and I will stand side by side together
And stormy times ahead we both shall weather
We will see this through to the bitter end
And maybe you will accept me as a friend
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If it was a choice between being stuck in a buffalo jam in Yellowstone or a traffic jam on the M25, I know which one I would choose
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MadMartha
Forum Champion
Reged: Apr 25 2008
Posts: 5865
Loc: Georgia USA
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Oooh! An olive branch he extends
And asks that we now be friends
Yes, that might help me keep my sanity
Raise my spirits and my vanity
But will we miss the verbal sparring
A battle of wits can be mentally jarring
Helping keep brain cells from atrophy
Maybe others will soon join you and me
Thanks for your very sincere pledge
It has truly kept me from going over the edge!
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Thought for life: Be nice to all you meet on your way up, for you might meet them again on your way down!
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SOTHC
Star Poster
Reged: Jun 10 2003
Posts: 12833
Loc: Aylesford Kent UK
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Perhaps I should extend this bout of sincerity
As in the past it has been quite a rarity
And many people have thought that since we departed
That things I have said where meant only half hearted
Being more sincere I shall put on my list of dos
And I hope to improve during the rest of the cruise
I know of my character there is a lot to alter
So please forgive me if I occasionally falter
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If it was a choice between being stuck in a buffalo jam in Yellowstone or a traffic jam on the M25, I know which one I would choose
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MadMartha
Forum Champion
Reged: Apr 25 2008
Posts: 5865
Loc: Georgia USA
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Quick, here's a contract for you to sign
Hurry before you change your mind
I've made a list of things you should do
To show that your promises are really true
But wait! How dull this cruise will be
Hmmmm! I'm not sure I'll like the new you and me
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Thought for life: Be nice to all you meet on your way up, for you might meet them again on your way down!
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SOTHC
Star Poster
Reged: Jun 10 2003
Posts: 12833
Loc: Aylesford Kent UK
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Rethinking this scheme is the better option
Before we put this new contract up for adoption
Maybe I should just quickly check with the missus
Before, to another woman, I make any promises
But then again she isn't talking to me after all the rows
Because of my interpretation of the wedding vows
I thought it actually meant four richer, four poorer
That's why I also wed many women, the last one being Laura
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If it was a choice between being stuck in a buffalo jam in Yellowstone or a traffic jam on the M25, I know which one I would choose
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MadMartha
Forum Champion
Reged: Apr 25 2008
Posts: 5865
Loc: Georgia USA
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So that is why you came on this ship
To get away from anymore *lip*
Too many wives, you poor poor bloke
I'm quite sure they keep you broke
If ever you return to shore
You know they will only want more
Diamonds and things
Made into rings
Your number one wife will NEVER forgive you
Best you keep sailing, that's what I would do
If I were you!
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Thought for life: Be nice to all you meet on your way up, for you might meet them again on your way down!
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StarfishTwo
Star Poster
Reged: Sep 28 2008
Posts: 14461
Loc: Oak Ridge
Tennessee USA
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To each his own, everyone says
But that's an awful lot of wedding days
It was probably the wedding nights you wanted
But you did the days and now you're haunted
Marrying so many times, you must have got a lot of gifts
But not long after that I guess your affection shifts
So many weddings and so many cakes
And all of them you say have been mistakes
I have to ask, in any case
Are those rice marks all over your face?
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SOTHC
Star Poster
Reged: Jun 10 2003
Posts: 12833
Loc: Aylesford Kent UK
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Unfortunately the rice that was thrown was in tins
But I suppose you would say I deserved that for my sins
I do not know how many more of these cruises
It will take to get rid of the visible bruises
Some of them are still very colourfully sore
Courtesy of one particular mother in law
She used to be a star of the silver screen
In old porno movies that were quite obscene
She was often harassed by one banned brute
And kept him at bay by chucking canned fruit
She used to practise for hours on the back lot
And that is why she became such a crack shot
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If it was a choice between being stuck in a buffalo jam in Yellowstone or a traffic jam on the M25, I know which one I would choose
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MadMartha
Forum Champion
Reged: Apr 25 2008
Posts: 5865
Loc: Georgia USA
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Very interesting, I must say
To learn what has happened while I was away
So that's why your face is marked with pox
And looks like you've been mauled by a fox
Or perhaps it was a foxy gal
Who definitely was not your mother-in-law's pal
I've heard there's a plastic surgeon on board
But he's probably too expensive for you to afford
Perhaps we could take up a collection
To help pay for a facial correction
But you must promise to sin no more
Then, just maybe, we can reach a shore
And disembark this terrible ship
Though I must say it's been quite a trip!
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Thought for life: Be nice to all you meet on your way up, for you might meet them again on your way down!
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