August 15, 2008
Just Been Published
Been ever so busy
I have been working on several new books and haven t had time to tend my blog.
They are titled: I Wonder What I Did Last Summer, A Walk in the Bar, and last but not least If You Can t Jump for Joy at Least Try to Hop. I have had several inquireries already.
Exciting Huh?!
Parody of Picture
PITCHER
Livin' my life
on a bar stool,
I know that I'm drunk,
but I'm old school,
I ain't seen the sun
shine in 9 dam days
Been fuelin up on
Bud and Hot Dam
My tab's not paid
and I got banned
Lord I wonder if
I'll ever change my ways
I got a pitcher today
I got drunk all day
I can't look at you cause
I'm passed out on the floor
they took my pitcher away,
I've been drinkin all day
I can't look at you cause
I'm passed out on the floor
Last night I fell off my barstool,
Everyone laughed
drunks can be so cruel
And their half
assed smiles tell me
something just ain't right
I been waitin on
my aid check for a long time
Can't afford to buy
any cheap Wine
I ain't said nothin
coherent in three
damn nights
They took my pitcher away
I wonder where I been
I can't bum free drinks
while I'm heavin in the can
They took my pitcher away
I wonder where I been
I can't look at you cause
I'm passed out on the bar
I saw you yesterday
with an old friend
It was the same ole
"you're drunk again".
Since my beer's been
gone my skin's
turned dark and grey
It reminded me
I see through a haze
I wish happy hour
lasted all day
I was out givin head
I was off to piss
a pitcher away!
I thought about
beer for a long time
can't seem to get
it off my mind
Can't understand why
they're sendin me to AA
I got another pitcher today
I swear I don't
know where I am
I just called to ask
"Could you buy me another Bud?"
I got another pitcher today
I swear I don't know where I am
I just called to say
"I'm drunk, could you call me a cab?"
"You're a cab".
I did not copyright this one so have at it
I wrote a song
I'M A BAR LOVIN WOMAN
Well, I' m a woman and I love my bar,
just walk a block down and thar I are.
The beer flows freely,
the man are a sight to see.
I'm a bar lovin woman
and that's alright with me
Some folk say that a woman shouldn't be in a bar
but I'm an woman America citizen
and we ve come pretty far!
I can cuss every swear word startin from A to Z,
I'm a bar lovin woman
and that's alright with me!
There been a few times when I was called a scamp
just because I wanted to buy a beer with a lousy old food stamp
but when you need a glass of Bud
you'll do most anything, Boy I gotta pee!
I'm a bar lovin woman
and that s alright with me!
This song ain't got no chorus
but what do you expect?
I live my life in a tavern
everything is classified Oh what the heck!
You loose your will to give a hoot, HEHEHEHE
I'm a bar lovin woman
and that's alright with me!
Ever now and then, usually on Friday night
some loud mouth redneck, starts a real good fight,
I love to watch em, until they call the cops
and patrons start to flee.
I'm a bar lovin woman
and that's alright with me!
Hey. I ain't got no home life
I'm liven in a giant pig sty.
There ain t no time for cleanin
or bakin an apple pie.
I gotta spend all my down time
recooperatin don't you see?! (screw you)
I'm a bar lovin woman
and that's alright with me!
I love to close that bar down
guzzlin my last round,
waitin to see who'll pick me up
if I don't fall on the ground.
He might be from Texas
or straight from Misery.
I'm a bar lovin woman
and that's alright with me!
This here is the saddest verse,
I'll be late gittin to the bar today,
I have to make a court appearance first.
I guess I'll have to pay,
cause the pool table in my tavern
ain't no place to get a lay!
I'm still a bar lovin woman
and that's alright I say!
I've spent my last beer chip,
and I'm feelin kinda sad
cause I gotta go home now,
and that is very very bad,
but the one thing that keeps me goin
my bar opens again at 3.
I'm a bar lovin woman
and that's alright with me!
AND THAT'S ALRIGHT WITH ME!!!
YEEHAW

