Chimpy's Thoughts

Sora: You know what? I don’t even care if it’s a dream anymore! I just want to go home.

???: *Frustrated* Where do you think you are now?

Sora: Good question.

???: Home!

Sora: Wow, suddenly I understand addition!

???: What’s two plus two?

Sora: A few inches to the left.

???: Sora, you don’t understand anything.

Sora: I guess it doesn’t work when I’m homesick…

???: *Sigh* Let’s just go!

Sora blacks out and finds himself standing on another platform. He covers his eyes with his hands and slowly starts to open his fingers, peeking at the painting on the glass floor.

Sora: It’s so…hideous.

???: What is it with you and these women?

Sora: Well, I’m too tired to activate a flashback right now, so let’s just say that four women on one boulder is not a good thing.

???: *A little scared* Great…

Sora: Makes you wonder, doesn’t it?

???: No response.

Sora: I saw that coming…

A green, glowing circle appears on the ground in the middle of the platform. Sora is amazed by it and runs over to it, eyes gleaming.

Sora: I like it.

???: Good for you.

Sora: Can…can I touch it?

???: Sure, Sora, just don’t break it.

Sora bends down to the save point and strokes it, giggling.

???: When you touch one of these Save Points, your Health and Magic Points are completely replenished. Your health is measured by that green bar in the corner…and your magic by that blue one. Enemies can drop orbs that restore health and magic, and sometimes they will even drop items.

Sora: *Stops giggling* I’m sorry, did you say something important?

???: No, Sora, just go ahead and die. Information about staying alive is just not important in your case. You can just die.

Sora: Okay! *Continues to play with the save point*

???: *Infuriated* Of course it was important!!!

Sora stops playing with the save point and prepares to get yelled at, looking very sad.

???: Now save your game and follow the sound of my voice!

Sora: *Sigh* I saw that coming…

Sora chooses the save option and saves his data in the File 1 slot.

Sora: Wow, it says here that I’ve already been adventuring for three hours!

???: Shocker.

Sora: I thought we talked about this…I don’t like you that way!

???: I’ll just ignore that comment and pretend that I was telling you to go up this set of glass stairs while you were talking.

Sora: Good thinking!

A set of glass stairs winds up to a platform high above Sora. It is similar to the other stairs that appeared earlier.

Sora: Not again! Is this staircase unstable and ready to collapse at any moment, too?

???: No, Sora, it’s fine.

Sora: That makes me feel a lot better.

Sora steps onto the first stair and it instantly collapses. He grasps the platform in one hand as he falls and pulls himself back up to safety.

Sora: I didn’t see that coming…

???: Then obviously you don’t know me that well.

Sora: Actually, I had a hunch.

???: Define “hunch”.

Sora: “Beetle”?

???: Exactly. Now go ahead; the rest of it is safe.

Sora reluctantly leaps to the second step, which immediately crumbles beneath him. Hopping from one small glass platform to the next, he winds up the stairs and onto the big platform at the top. Looking back, Sora sees that not one of the steps is left from his ascent. Sora then turns to see that this platform is dark except for a huge shaft of light pouring into the middle of it. Stepping into the light, Sora watches his shadow become huge, and is amazed as it takes form and pulls itself out of the ground, revealing itself to be a huge, dark creature. The monster is very tall and has a large heart-shaped hole in its stomach. Its hair bounces wildly around and its body gives off a faint, dark mist. Sora, frightened, backs away from the beast but finds himself at the edge of the platform with nowhere to go.

???: Sora, don’t be afraid. And don’t forget-

There is a long silence as both Sora and the monster stand there, waiting for the Mysterious Voice to finish his sentence.

???: Um, what, do I have to spell it out for you guys? Round One! Ding, ding! Uh….Aw, heck, just kill each other!

Creature: *Mumbles incoherently*

Sora: Yeah, Mysterious Voice! Thank you, hideous monster. Thank you. I was wondering if one of us was going to speak up. You know what - you deserve a hand. Lets give him a hand.

Sora claps loudly, letting off an echo in the giant space of the platform. Being the only one to clap, Sora soon realizes how awkward this is and slowly stops.

???: Okay, I’ll just ask it…: What are you talking about?

Sora: We were waiting for you to finish your sentence!

???: Oh, sorry about that…But not yet. First I want to see you die.

Sora: What?

???: You cannot open the door just yet. But while we’re here, what do you notice about this place?

Sora: *Glances down and smiles* The hideous women are gone! Woohoo!

???: *Grits teeth* Anything else?

Sora: Hmm….Well, there is a bunch of water and we’re on some land that’s higher than the water!

???: *Sarcastically* No, you think? And maybe…and I’m just spit balling here, that is the ocean and this is an island.

Sora: I don’t know…Something doesn’t feel right, you know? Like maybe-

???: *Annoyed* We’re on an island in the ocean, Sora!

Sora: Okay, then. Well, I guess this place does look kinda familiar…like those people standing around…have I seen them somewhere? Hmm…maybe a magazine or something…Wait! I think I got it! Do you have the latest issue of Glamour?

???: Look very, very closely, Sora. Very, very, VERY closely.

Sora looks at each of the people surrounding him intently. One is a girl a little younger than him sitting on the wooden guardrail that runs around the structure. She is wearing a small yellow dress and is staring out at the water on the other side of the structure with her romantic, green eyes. Another is a young boy about his age wearing a vest and looking at Sora with his deep, blue eyes, his messy hair waving in the wind. Looking at the last person, a guy with his red hair up in a curl, Sora sees him stretching one arm while holding a white and blue ball in the other.

Sora: Okay, I think I got this. *Sora points at the kid with the ball* That guy’s my godfather, she’s from Gone With the Wind, aaaand he’s a regular on Star Trek.

???: Are you kidding me?

Sora: Yeah, you got me! I meant Battlestar Galactica, not Star Trek! You are good.

???: Sora, these are your friends. We’re on your island. Where you live. Your home. Home. Are the smaller sentences helping?

Sora: A little. So this is my island?

???: Yeah.

Sora: Whoa, this is crazy. It looks just like the island I live on!

???: *Impatiently* It is the island you live on!

Sora: Silly, that’s not my island. It’s the mayor’s! I thought you said this was my island!

???: Sora, this is the island you live on.

Sora: Well, that explains a lot! What’s up, Wakka? Nice day, eh, Selphie? How’s it going, Tidus?

???: Great, now that you’ve made the introductions-

Sora: That was the short version, cause I, uh, I didn’t know I was supposed to be making the introductions, um. So, would you like the long version?

???: I don’t care, as long as I get to speak to you eventually. Although it seems pretty inevitable that I’m never going to get through to you.

Sora: Stop flattering me like that! See, you made me blush! You made me blush.

???: Let’s move on with this! This is supposed to be the Prologue! The Tutorial! The Introduction!

Sora: Huh?

???: …………Home.

Sora: Oh, okay! Anyways, Selphie meet Mysterious Voice, known as ??? by his closest friends. *Gestures towards self* Mysterious Voice, meet Selphie, known as “Selph” by her closest friends. *Gestures towards self* Tidus, meet Mysterious Voice, known as ??? by his closest friends. *Gestures towards self* Mysterious Voice, meet Tidus, known as “Yuna’s BF” by his closest friends. *Gestures towards self* Wakka, meet Mysterious Voice, known as ??? by his closest friends. Mysterious Voice, meet Wakka.

???: What is he known as?

Sora: Nothing. He doesn’t have any friends. *Wakka waves at Sora and gives him a thumbs up. Sora returns the favor* *Whispers* He’s mentally unstable…we have to pretend to like him.

???: Look, we aren’t here to fool around. Your friends have some important questions to ask you, and your answers will shape your destiny.

Sora: Whoa…..How is that?

???: I don’t know, ask destiny.

Sora: *Takes a phone book out of his shoe and flips through it* But there are so many…And I’m almost out of minutes! *Glares at his cell phone*

???: *Angrily* Put that infernal thing away and answer the questions!

Sora: Fine…

Sora walks up to Tidus and waits for the question, noticing that Tidus’s blonde, messy hair is similar to, but not as cool as, as his own brown, spiky hair. Tidus notices that he is being stared at and takes a few steps back. Then, finally, he asks Sora one simple question.

Tidus: What are you afraid of? A. Getting old, B. Being different,

or C. Being indecisive?

Sora: Who said I was afraid of any of those things?

Tidus: Destiny.

Sora: Who is this mysterious “Destiny“?

Tidus: Look, it would probably be easier if you just though about each of the answers and chose the best one.

Sora: That works, I guess. Okay, well…um, I guess getting old is kinda scary. I mean, I won’t be able to just hang around anymore.

???: And people will start to mind your immaturity.

Sora: You are too kind. Anyways, being different isn’t all that bad. I mean, I like to do things my own way.

???: Too bad your way IS all that bad.

Sora: Okay, now you’re just flirting!

???: …

Sora: And, uh, I have no idea what “indecisive” means, so…Can I just give you my own answer? I don’t like any of the choices.

Tidus: Nope.

Sora: *Sigh* Destiny again?

Tidus: No, it’s Wakka. His insane mind can’t function when things aren’t laid out for him in a specific way, or for anyone else in a twelve mile radius.

Sora: Wow.

Tidus: *Under breath* Yeah, he’s the reason we have to live on this dumb, secluded island anyway.

Sora: What was that?

Tidus: Nothing, nothing. So, what will your answer be?

Sora: Well, I guess getting old. I mean, if I try to swim when I’m old, the salt from the water will fill my wrinkles, and become encrusted into my skin to the point of no return.

Tidus: Right….Ok. Now go talk to Wakka.

Sora: Awwww…..Do I have to?

Tidus: Yes…

Sora: *Turns away from Tidus* Mysterious Voice…Do I have to?

???: Yes, Sora, you have to.

Sora: Fine!

Sora has a hissy fit and stomps over to Wakka, who looks happy to see his “best friend”.

Sora: *Annoyed* Hi, Wakka….

Wakka: *Chuckles* Hey, best friend!

Sora: *Imitates chuckle* Yeah, so what are you up to? Plotting crimes? Is that what you’re doing? Plotting criminal acts while you watch Care Bears…all alone…by yourself. Is that what you’re doing?

???: Sora, get over here right now!

Sora: Uh-uh! *Sora crosses his arms and shakes his head*

???: *Angry Tone* Sora…

Sora: *Sigh* Fine…

Sora, knowing he is in trouble, sadly walks towards the sound of the Mysterious Voice. He ends up in an empty corner and looks up with puppy-dog eyes.

???: Sora…What did you do?

Sora: …

???: You know what you did, Sora. You know what you did.

Sora: …*Looks extremely sad*

???: Listen to me. Wakka is no more mentally corrupt than you are. So you need to treat him with the same respect that I treat you with…every once in a while. Do you understand me?

Sora: *Nods head*

???: Sora, do you understand me?

Sora: Yes…

???: Okay?

Sora: Okay…

???: Okay?

Sora: Okay…

???: Good…now go answer Wakka’s question, you utter mistake, you.

Sora turns to find Wakka waving at him furiously and giving him a thumbs up. Sora repeats the thumbs up sign, and then slyly looks towards the Mysterious Voice and winks. Sora then walks back over to Wakka and waits for his next question.

Wakka: Ok, here is your question. What do you want outta life? D. Wakka, E. Wakka, or F. Death?

Sora: Oh, god, this is a tough one. Ok, um…I’ll have to cancel out that first Wakka. Hmm….Well, I guess the second one is a little better…Death doesn’t exactly sound like fun, though. Then again, neither does the second Wakka…Oh wow, uhh… *Turns towards the Mysterious Voice, hoping he isn’t watching*

Swiftly, Sora grabs Wakka’s ball, throws it into the ocean, and watches as Wakka jumps right in after it. Satisfied, Sora walks over to Selphie to answer his final question.

Sora: Hey, can you hurry up and ask me my last question before everyone finds outs that I ditched Wakka’s question and tricked him into jumping into the ocean by throwing his ball over the edge?

Selphie: What?

Sora: *Shifts eyes* Nothing.

Selphie: Okay…Whatever, here goes: What’s most important to you? G. Being number one, H. Friendship, or I.-

Wakka: *Whispering* …Wakka.

Sora: Ah!

???: Ok, it’s time move on.

Sora: I don’t have to go to another platform, do I? These women are scaring me.

???: It’s times like these that make me love my job. *Snaps fingers*

The platform that Sora was standing on breaks, and shards of the glass fly through the air as he pelts downwards to another platform. Sora hits the ground hard, landing right on his behind.

Sora: That wasn’t very nice!

???: Then why does it feel so right?

Sora: *Sigh* I guess it’s not so bad…I mean, this woman isn’t as hideous as the others.

???: Well that just won’t do. *Snaps fingers*

Sora quickly stands up as the platform collapses beneath him. Flailing his arms and screaming, he drops to yet another one, this time landing on his stomach.

???: There. Hideous enough for you?

Sora: *Stares at the painting he is lying on and screams*

Sora quickly gets up and runs to the far end of the platform.

???: OK, now maybe we can FINALLY move on! A few enemies are going to randomly spawn. You have to-

Sora: Kill them? Ha! I knew it! I knew that I was going to kill stuff with my sword!

???: Clever, aren’t you? I’m just going to sit back and relax.

Sora: Aren’t you going to tell me how to use my sword?

???: I thought you said you weren’t a retard.

Sora: Fine…Bring ’em on!

Three Shadows, small dark creatures with antennae, appear in front of Sora. Unsure of what to do, he recklessly spins around with his sword. Luckily, one of the monsters jumps at him just as he begins, and his sword pierces through it. The Shadow disappears, leaving a small trace of darkness where it had been killed. Sora stops spinning around, smiles, and jabs at one of the remaining Shadows. It does not go down as easily as the other, and Sora continues to hammer it with blows. All the while, another enemy appears behind Sora, slowly creeping towards him as he fights. The Mysterious Voice watches the whole scene, grinning. Sora jabs the Shadow once more and rams it into the other one beside it. They both disappear just as the hidden monster pounces on Sora. Sora goes down and is attacked as many more Shadows spawn. He is covered in the Shadows, and sinks into a pool of darkness. Sora closes his eyes as he tries to push the monsters off of him, but when he opens them he finds he is on a different platform, alone.

Sora: Ahhhhh!!!

???: *Holding back laughter* Ha! I bet you thought I would warn you if one of those creatures was behind you, huh? I bet you’re scared. You’re scared, right, cause you were just attacked? Well, guess what? Guess what? I actually did warn you….I just did it in a barely audible whisper. A whisper! Oh! I..I bet you weren’t expecting that. You were so freaked out! Oh, I am good! I’m good….you- you were so afraid! Those monsters made you scream like a little girl… *Bursts out laughing*

Sora: Actually, this woman is just a little extra-hideous. She scared the crap out of me!

???: …*Disappointed* Oh.

Sora: *Shaking head* You’re a failure.

There is a very long pause as Sora stands there, waiting for a response. Then, after seemingly forever…

???: *Snaps fingers*

Sora: Oh, God, nooooo!

Sora crashes through the platform and lands on the next one, this time on his back. He silently gets up and waits.

???: Now let’s put our past behind us and move on….ok?

Sora: Fine, whatever.

???: I said: OKAY?

Sora: Okay.

???: Okay?

Sora: Okay…..

???: Alright. Now there is a treasure chest over there that you can open by navigating the command menu and using the Special Command-

Sora: *Quietly* Ew.

???: *Angrily* Wha- What was that? Don’t get me started, Sora! Don’t get me started! Just go over there, and use the Open command to open the treasure chest!

Sora calmly walks over to the treasure chest and starts to open it.

Chest: Hey, what do ’ya think you’re doin’?

Sora: Opening the treasure chest.

Chest: That’s what they all say! Can’t you just leave me alone?

Sora: No, that guy told me that I have to open you.

Chest: I don’t care what that guy said! Leave me alone!

Sora: Aw, c’mon-

Chest: Wanna fight about it?

Sora: *Puts head down* No…

Chest: Good. ’Cause I’d-

Sora: Hey, what’s your name?

Chest: Well, most people call me Chest, cause, well, you get the picture. But my birth name is actually Sparkle. You see my dad, well, I don’t mean to brag or anything, but…he was a famous pirate’s buried treasure. I know, I know, hard to believe, but that’s where I got my name. He said that I put more of a sparkle in his life then all that treasure inside him, so he named me Sparkle. A lot of the guys think-

As Sparkle goes on and on about his name, Sora swiftly reaches inside his mouth and steals the item from him. Proudly he walks away from Sparkle while being viciously screamed at.

Sora: OK, I have the item!

???: That right there is a Potion. You can heal yourself with it by using Items in the Command Menu. Alright, go ahead and put it in your inventory.

Sora: Where’s that?

???: I don’t know…most heroes just have one. It’s like a reflex, I guess…they just know where to put everything.

Sora: Well that sucks, I don’t have a backpack or anything. And that last item has taken up all the space in my pants.

???: Oh my…Well, those shoes are pretty big. I mean, not just big, those things are plain huge! Man, those things are funky! Use those!

Sora: OK!

Sora sticks the Potion in his shoes, then grabs the other one out of his pants and sticks it in, too. Afterwards he waits for more instructions. Getting impatient, he begins to tap his large foot on the ground. After a few more seconds, a big, strange-looking door appears on the other side of the platform.

Sora: Cool, a door! I love doors! They allow you to go from one room to another, and when they are closed, the room on the other side is shrouded in mystery…At least for me anyway. It’s no wonder I always end up sleeping in the bathroom accidentally…I never can tell those doors apart!

???: *Sarcastically* Okay…Your life sounds fulfilling. You’re the perfect hero!

Sora: Really?

???: Sadly, I won’t be able to witness your door high jinks, because you can see the name of the room you are about to enter at the bottom of the screen most of the time.

Sora: Whoa! Wait…rooms have names?

???: Anyways, opening doors is just like opening chests, you just have to use the Command Menu to scroll down to the Examine command.

Sora: Um…just so we’re on the same page…Do you really think I’m the perfect hero?

???: …

Sora: Because, you know, I don’t think you’d ever be sarcastic with me…you just, uh, just seemed a little tense there when you said it.

???: …

Sora: I’m just, uh, just making sure, man. I just wanted to be sure we were all caught up and everything and, um…I think we’re cool now. Yep, I think we’re cool.

???: …

Sora: I’m gonna go, uh, gonna go open that door now.

Sora walks over to the huge door and attempts to open it. Struggling, he grips the handles tightly in his hands but can’t seem to get it to open.

???: Okay, now that I’ve recovered from that monologue, I’ll assist you.

The door slowly opens and Sora is engulfed in a bright light. Shielding his eyes from the intensity, he cannot bear to walk any further into the doorway. The light dissipates and Sora uncovers his eyes to find that he is on a wooden structure overlooking the ocean. The structure is connected to an island with many more wooden bridges and huts.

TO BE CONTINUED...

A young boy named Sora pelted downward as the mysterious Kingdom Hearts theme music (“Simple and Clean”) played in the background deafeningly. His eyes were closed as his body, head first, was thrown out of the clouds toward the blue ocean beneath him. He came closer and closer to the giant mass of water, until…

Sora opens one eye and examines his surroundings. Frightened by his current situation, he opens his other and frantically looks around for help. That’s when he notices the camera shooting his every movement. In other words: The camera that made this compilation possible. The camera that followed Sora’s every movement on his adventure across worlds. The camera that was placed on Sora’s shoulder… Well, the shoulder buttons, that is. (Which, by the way, was a big mistake!) So, now you know how I got all of this information, and soon you will know why I am sharing it with you. Actually, it’s because I have no life, but, hey, no one’s perfect, right?

Anyways, back to the story. Sora notices the camera and panic fills his eyes. He chokes on his words as he screams…

Sora: Hey, I don’t listen to this stuff! I-I swear! Look, it must be my mom’s or something! This is a mistake! I don’t even know what the heck’s going on! You gotta believe-!

Sora never gets to finish his sentence as warm salt water engulfs him. He raises his feet as he nears a platform with some hideous woman painted on it, but the ocean current has other plans as it forces him to stand on it. Sora sighs and takes a deep breath, glad that a plot hole allows him to breathe. Suddenly, a mysterious voice confronts Sora…

???: Hello, adventurer! Welcome to Kingdom Hearts! Kingdom Hearts is a delightful world of fun and excitement!

Sora: Can we just get on with this?

???: You DO want this to be a delightful world of fun and excitement, don’t you?

Sora: Yeah, I guess…

???: *Angrily* Then don’t ever interrupt me again!!!

Sora: Ok, Ok!

???: Now, tap the left analog stick slowly in one direction to walk that way. Push it harder to run. Sora, walk forward to the center of the platform. Can you do it?

Sora: Umm, do you think I’m some kind of retard? I’ve been walking for fourteen years, man! Fourteen years! *Sora puts 8 fingers out in front of him*

???: *Annoyed* Umm..ok. Well, just walk forward so we can continue, please.

Sora: Ok. *walks forward*

???: Stop! No, no, wait! Stop!!!

Sora continues to the edge, but is saved by the invisible wall.

Sora: Hehe, I told you I know what I’m doing!

???: No you didn’t.

Sora: Soooo. Obviously I know so much more than you about video games and invisible walls.

???: *Sarcastically* It would seem so, Sora. It would seem so.

Sora: …

???: Anyways, on to the training! In a few moments a mysterious and fragile looking staircase will appear. Do not be alarmed! You must climb this set of stairs as soon as possible.

Sora: Why?

???: Because if you wait too long it might collapse.

Sora: …

Sora: Oh, that’s reassuring.

???: Yes, indeed.

The staircase appears and Sora just stands there for a moment. He then struts over to the staircase, which is really just a winding set of glass steps. Finally he reaches the top, where yet another platform with a repulsive woman on it appears. Three pedestals are in the center. Floating above each is a weapon; a sword, a shield, and a staff shaped like Mickey Mouse’s head.

???: Ok. Pick the weapon that you desire.

Sora: OK. *Sora grabs the sword and the shield* I might as well take this, too. *He reaches for the staff*

???: Fool! This is not a buffet! You pick ONE!

Sora: Well, the sword is too standard. There’s a sword in EVERY video game.

???: Spyro?

Sora: Don’t patronize me.

???: I never would have guessed that YOU of all people had an extensive vocabulary!

Sora: You’re welcome.

???: …Anyways….go on.

Sora: Oh, right! Therefore, I’m not going to pick the sword

???: And now the moment we have all been anticipating: WHICH ARE YOU GOING TO CHOOSE?

Sora: Good question. Well, the staff is kind of lame looking, and I don’t think that I would be able to kill stuff with a shield…

???: Who said anything about killing stuff?

Sora: I just assumed.

???: Your assumptions suck.

Sora: I’m cool with that. Oh, whatever, I’ll pick the sword!

???: Good choice.

Sora: Really?

???: No.

???: So what are you going to give up?

Sora: What!?!? I have to give something up?

???: Yes.

Sora: But…but that means it’ll go away forever. And- and I’ll have to say bye-bye to the cute little staff…

???: So you’re saying you don’t want the staff?

Sora: No.

???: Then the shield?

Sora: Look, loser! I’m lost and I don’t know where I am and you know what? I have no idea what to give up! Can I phone a friend or something?

???: Most certainly.

Sora smiles when he hears the ringing of a telephone, just like on ‘Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?’. A raspy voice picks up on the other end.

Raspy Voice: Hello?

Sora: Who’s this?

Raspy Voice: The name’s Cricket. Jiminy Cricket. Whadd’ya want?

Sora: Should I give up the shield or the staff?

Jiminy Cricket: Forget about it. I mean, does it really matter? You’re just dreaming, right?

Sora: How the heck do you know?

Jiminy: Well, if this is an RPG and there are so many plot holes, than I’ll be darned if it’s not a dream. Do ‘ya really think they’d just let you breathe underwater without an explanation?

Sora: They let Tidus and Wakka breathe underwater in Final Fantasy X. I’d know, they’re my friends and they tell me stuff like that all the time. Aren’t Fun Facts fun?

???: *Sarcastically* He’s a video game genius, Jiminy. He knows what he’s talking about. Goodbye!

Sora: Hey wait!

???: Which are you giving up, fool? Do you really think I won’t kill you if you don’t make up your mind?

Sora: I did…up until you just yelled at me like that. How do you think you would kill me?

???: That’s it, you’re giving up the staff!

The staff disappears and the pedestal goes into the floor. The sword’s pedestal also disappears, leaving the sword floating in mid-air.

Sora: Nooooooooo! Stafy-Poo!!!!!

Sora runs slowly to the empty space that used to be the staff’s pedestal. After a few moments of respect, he grabs the floating sword to make up for his loss.

???: You can’t use magic yet anyway.

Sora: So! It was cute!

???: Right…. Let me explain to you the Command Menu. The first command is Attack. The next is Magic, which you can’t use yet-

Sora: Why?

???: *Annoyed* I don’t know. But the next command is Items, and the next one is for “Special Commands” such as-

Sora: Ewwwwwww!

???: …

Sora: Ewwwwwwwww.

???: Are you done y-

Sora: Ewwwwwww.

???: Are you done yet?

Sora: …

???: ….commands such as “Open” and, uh…that’s basically it. You-you really only use it for opening chests and-

Sora: Ewwwwwwww.

???: …and doors, you immature monkey.

Sora: *Mocking* You immature monkey.

A large barrel falls from the sky and lands on Sora’s head. It bursts open and Sora falls onto the ground.

???: You were supposed to destroy that with your sword, but I thought I might find it more amusing to see an immature monkey get pegged in the head with a barrel. He. Hehe.

A potion that was inside the barrel pops out. Sora screams as it comes toward him.

Sora: Ahh! Get away!

Sora runs around and around the platform, the item trailing behind him.

Sora: Get it off, get it off me! And I don’t even have Treasure Magnet equipped!

???: Oh, you big baby, it won’t hurt you! It’s just trying to…give itself to you.

Sora: Ewwwwww!

???: God, help me.

TO BE CONTINUED...