I didn't get married until I was 35 so I never had kids of my own.  Frankly, I never had much to do with babies.  But I married a woman with two grown children and one grandchild.  My stepdaughter with the grandchild lived in another state so I still wasn't exposed to any babies.  Other than when I was a kid with my younger brothers, I never even held a baby until my third grandchild was born.  Funny story about that: While I was holding him he apparently got hungry and thought I might be able to accomodate the situation.  As he tried to latch onto my shirt with his mouth, everyone in the room was going into hysterics.  Everyone but me.  :)

 

My granddaughter had a baby girl last year and about 10 months ago they moved into my house.  I now have the chance to experience what I've always missed and never thought I wanted or needed.   I get to spend major amounts of time with little Krissa.  And what a special baby she is (but aren't they all?)

 

She was about 4 months old when I rocked her to sleep in my arms for the first time.  The feeling was indescribable.  To think that a little child would be comfortable enough and feel safe enough with you to fall asleep while you cradled her was one of the most awesome things I've ever felt.  I'm sure every parent out there knows this feeling.

 

I'm getting to watch her grow and develop.  She learns so quickly.  I probably shouldn't be overly proud of this but I taught her to say "dude."

 

Every time she sees me her face lights up, as does mine.  We have so much fun together--watching Sesame Street videos on youtube (she walks to the computer and says "Babies!"), blowing bubbles in the backyard, looking at my book of llamas (she loves llamas already; I told you she was smart), or just playing hide and seek in the curtains.

 

I've come to realize that when you hold a baby in your arms what is actually happening is that they are holding your heart in their hands.

 

I hope you enjoyed this blog entry.  For most of you there is nothing new here.  You've experienced how special a baby is.  I do want to caution that this is probably the only personal glimpse you will have into my life, so don't be looking for another installment.  :)

If you are a fan of "The Simpsons" you know that in the opening for every show Bart is at the blackboard, after class, writing something over and over.  It is punishment for something he said or did during the school day.  The neat thing about "The Simpsons" opening is that it is always different.

 

You have to watch pretty closely to see what he is writing.  A few years ago I found a list of them.  These are some of my favorites, I hope you enjoy them also:

 

I will not waste chalk

I will not instigate revolution

I did not see Elvis

I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes" 
 

They are laughing at me, not with me

I will not encourage others to fly 
 
 

I will not fake my way through life 

I will not Xerox my butt

I will not do that thing with my tongue 
 
 

I will not cut corners

        (It actually looks like this: 
 
 
 

            I WILL NOT CUT CORNERS

        
    "  "    "   "   "   
 
            "  "   
 "   "   
")

I will not get very far with this attitude 
 
 

I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment 

I will not show off

        (This was written in an "Olde English"-style 
 
 
font)

Spitwads are not free speech

I will finish what I star

I will not torment the emotionally frail

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty

I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge 
 
I will not conduct my own fire drills

This punishment is not boring and pointless 
 
 

A burp is not an answer

Coffee is not for kids

        (Each line becomes less and less legible; the 
 
  
last line is a scrawl)

I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call 
 
Goldfish don't bounce

Mud is not one of the 4 food groups 

No one is interested in my underpants 
 

I do not have diplomatic immunity

I am not authorized to fire substitute 
teachers

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle 

Organ transplants are best left to the 
professionals

I will not re-transmit without the express 

written permission of Major League Baseball

Beans are neither fruit nor musical

For veronikkamarrz who enjoys my baseball name lists: 

Baseball has sure had its share of unusual names. Baseball has also had football's share, basketball's share and golf's share. But they do not have a corner on the unusual name market. Below is a test. Did or does the person play baseball for a living or do something else:

Shooty Babitt: baseball player or golfer?

Salome Barojas: baseball player or belly dancer?

Pelham Ballenger: baseball player or railroad tycoon?

Stud Bancker: baseball player or fictional detective?

Rivington Bisland: baseball player or poet?

Kimera Bartee: baseball player or Japanese movie monster?

Hiram Bocachica: baseball player or Attorney General of Florida?

Ping Bodie: baseball player or rodeo rider?

Putsy Caballero: baseball player or character in Huey, Duey and Louie comic books?

Keefe Cato: baseball player or friend of OJ Simpson

Italo Chelini: baseball player or opera singer?

Gowell Claset: baseball player or mayor of Springfield MA during the witch trials?

Bunk Congalton: baseball player or Wild West outlaw?

Gavvy Cravath: baseball player or Roy Rogers' sidekick?

Creepy Crespi: baseball player or horror movie host?

Ensign Cottrell: baseball player or WWII Medal of Honor winner?

Flame Delhi: baseball player or exotic dancer?

Wheezer Dell: baseball player or vaudeville performer?

Pickles Dillhoefer: baseball player or fight manager?

Ferris Fain: baseball player or candy maker?

Rags Faircloth: baseball player or clown?

Dot Fulghum: baseball player or lady baseball player?

Barbaro Garbey: baseball player or pirate?

Tinsley Ginn: baseball player or blues guitarist?

Jot Goar: baseball player or Star Trek alien?

Mauro Gozzo: baseball player or mobster?

Beiker Graterol: baseball player or TV chef?

Topsy Hartsel: baseball player or Las Vegas comic?

Chicken Hawks: baseball player or flock of raptors?

Drungo Hazewood: baseball player or jazz musician?

Smead Jolley: baseball player or Jolly Time popcorn tycoon?

Addie Joss: baseball player or cartoonist?

Malachi Kittridge: baseball player or cricket player?

Coco Laboy: baseball player or torch singer?

Braden Looper: baseball player or golfer?

Memo Luna: baseball player or Fidel Castro's caddy?

Dolf Luque: baseball player or Swedish weightlifter?

Duster Mails: baseball player or demolition derby champion?

Bid McPhee: baseball player or bookie?

Mox McQuery: baseball player or crime writer?

Fenton Mole: baseball player or spy?

Prince Oana: baseball player or Hawaiian royalty?

Bots Nekola: baseball player or anagram for "ankle boots?"

Pretzel Pezzullo and Squiz Pillion: baseball players or midget wrestlers?

Jennings Poindexter: baseball player or banker?

Arquimedez Pozo: baseball player or Greek scientist?

Nikco Riesgo: baseball player or cab driver?

Billy Jo Robidoux: baseball player or country singer?

Muddy Ruel: baseball player or blues singer?

Pi Schwert: baseball player or mathematician?

Hosea Siner: baseball player or preacher?

Heathcliff Slocumb: baseball player or literature professor?

Scipio Spinks: baseball player or boxer?

Snuffy Stirnweiss: baseball player or L'il Abner cartoon character?

Coaker Triplett: baseball player or football player?

Possum Whitted: baseball player or hunting guide?

"Hello?"
"Hi. Is DG there?"
"He was here but he left."
"Buddy left?"
"No, Buddy is still here.  He and DG were out working on the cruiser and he got called away."
"Andy got called away?"
"No.  Andy is here with the new parts.  How he got to the parts store with the cruiser down is beyond me."
"Howie is at the parts store?"
"Listen to me.  Howie is here fixing the cruiser and he does good work."
"Andy does good work?"
"Andy?  Andy is a goof off.  But he tries to be helpful."
"Buddy tries to be helpful?"
"He sure does.  He just left to tell DG he has a phone call.  In the meantime, do we want to leave a message?"
"Yes.  Hey--how did you know my name was Dewey?"

Dare to be different.

 

                                                                           

                                                                         Stand tall.  You make a better target.

 

Unless you're the lead llama, your view never changes.

 

                                                                             

                                                                           Smile.  It makes the rest of the world

                                                                                  wonder what you are up to.

 

Rest: the sweet sauce of labor.

  

                                                                                     

                                                                 It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile

                                                                  but it doesn't take any to look like a fool.